Cursin' like a sailor
It's okay, right, avail her
Commanding the ship so strongly
you thought you finally had it off me
bullets keep bouncing off me like a trampoline, except this one isn't so fun, you see?

As It hits a slow curve
you seemed to have the nerve
to throw your whole crew overboard
just to save yourself first
the empire state of the south
never got to the party
left with the crumbs in the corner
and your mouth, only clarty

with a quick tongue
and a sly smile
a small smirk
so easy to beguile

Razerblades and Punk madness
colored hair with your tears of passion
brainwashed and bleached
compelled by your freedom of speech
tears so frequent, indecent, and cement
you're looking for my impeachment, what's your reason?

Knuckles hurt from punching pillows
rusting walls and weeping willows
Wanted so badly to be broken
so you tore out stitches

called me coward
but i'm not the one cranking out
poems that have been soured

I live to empower.

Hide the scars
draw a heart
on your arm
take a picture
add a filter
kiss her scars
"stay strong, love"

Only discuss what your feeling,
never share the real meaning
maybe someone will like you if you have bigger problems
joking with yourself when they barely even hit the quantum
Must've wanted to see what was so attractive
Picked up a blade then blamed me after
words are painful
piercingly baneful
Dug a deeper hole so you can bury me, just haphazards,

So immune to what your saying
you lied to me
so focused on what you're really hating
wanted to get into a fight
so you poisoned me at night.
think you're so poetic?
stop it.

It's pretty hard to stay clean
Looking in the mirror is so much harder than it seems
hard to keep on trucking
when your so bloodsucking
your actions are the kind that pull the noose up the tree
I wish it had all been fake
you put your heart out on a plate
for everyone to sample
if only they knew how you're never organically explaining
serving things the people should be disdaining

You have no idea
romanticizing for whoever's listening
when they say your so **** talented, your face must be glistening
You don't understand me
and this life you've created for yourself
writing about a life you know nothing about
how many times do I need to say it to get it in your head
You'll never understand the feeling of waking up
and wishing
you were
dead.

Hide the scars
rip the heart
on my sleeve
take your picture
add that filter
hope you're happy
"stay strong, dear"

When I try to get some energy out
I end up making ironic jokes in my head
To make the layers thicker
And farther from my heart

I find myself
lost in the music
breathing with the wind
and
running from my doubts
forgetting what life's about

The stars above me are always out
every night
shining bright
so why can't I
be my own star
and keep on shining like them?

lost in the music
breathing with the wind
so I'll wake up again

in this moment,
I think I'm going to be okay.

What piece to move next!
Contemplating if I should pick the short route or
the longer, more rewarding one
Twisting into the middle of the board
Where the candy castle lies

About to wave the white flag
But so close to the freedom
The castles right there!
Look at the kids - this game frees them

Laughing without thought
Smiling without pain
So sweet for the time
Too lethal to stay

After much thought
I throw my hands up and say
"I surrender"

I need to tell you this, but I can't
as you won't understand

So I slowly inch in my symptoms over
cereal and milk and between our small talk
As you tell me to put my problems into perspective

I need to tell you this, but I can't
because whenever I unlock that thought
my stomach begins to simmer
threatening to overflow
My skin will crawl and I drift away from where
I am supposed to be
getting lost in the maze again.

I need to tell you this, but I can't
So I tell you the only way I know how,
forcing my lips to create the words,
so mechanical I need pliers to get them out,
but somehow I wish they'd come
spewing like a waterfall from my eyes and lips

and I know it may be hard to see your little girl this way
But I think it's harder to look myself in the mirror and tell myself
I'm okay.

Back to the Speedway,
The gas is $1.91
The food is cheap

Where my daddy
Buys cigars to chew on

The cashier
Is so high
He forgets what day it is

And wishes us a 'Merry Christmas'
On July 31st.

Every time I press send
I feel relieved
That someone is there
Willing to talk to
Me.

Every time I press send
I'm terrified of what you may think of me
This time
But you calm my nerves
With your soothing words.

Every time I press send
A new layer is unfolded
Another present is unwrapped
As you are even more complex than I.

Every time I press send
You become my dose of Prozac
Even though I may be bothering you
Am I abusing this drug?

Every time I press send
Another tear falls from my face
Because I was desperate
And you still stayed there.

Every time I press send
I know
You are the only one to understand
me.

Every time I press send
I am reminded of how
you left me.
You should come with a trigger warning
When rereading our conversations
At midnight,
The guilt keeps crawling up my chest
With no one left to push it away for me,
I know what's in the box in my closet
Just a few feet away,
DO IT, YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER, RIGHT?
But I didn't.
Because of you.
and now
i am a l o n e
again.

because

Every time I pressed send
I was reminded of how
I loved you.
So maybe that is why I
Now find myself
pressing
delete.