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 Jun 2014 antxthesis
felicia
As If
 Jun 2014 antxthesis
felicia
Staring at your back
As if you could feel me
But you've been so cold lately
That I burn myself into ashes

Waiting for you in the rain
As if you would come to me with an umbrella
But you've never come
That I drown myself in tears

Echoing your name in my dreams
As if you were my lullaby
But you don't even give a ****
That I collapse even more
If only you knew, if only you realized
If only you loved me back
 Jun 2014 antxthesis
felicia
The wind tranquilizes me
With the shining smile of yours
"I just can't crack your code"
 Jun 2014 antxthesis
Walt Whitman
Who is now reading this?

May-be one is now reading this who knows some wrong-doing of my past life,
Or may-be a stranger is reading this who has secretly loved me,
Or may-be one who meets all my grand assumptions and egotisms with derision,
Or may-be one who is puzzled at me.

As if I were not puzzled at myself!
Or as if I never deride myself! (O conscience-struck! O self-convicted!)
Or as if I do not secretly love strangers! (O tenderly, a long time, and never avow it;)
Or as if I did not see, perfectly well, interior in myself, the stuff of wrong-doing,
Or as if it could cease transpiring from me until it must cease.
 Jun 2014 antxthesis
felicia
Yearn
 Jun 2014 antxthesis
felicia
I'm at that point
where I'm not sure whether
I miss seeing your smile
or I just wanna sit there
beside you
on the back porch
and sip a cup of tea
staring at your face
and look into your pupils
for ever
yearning, murmuring your name
 Jun 2014 antxthesis
felicia
life is simple, yet it is complicated.
it's like planting crops. you were the farmer, and the things you do were the crops. your maturity will affect the way you treat the soil, and the soil was your life itself. your faith in God will affect the way you plant the crops, it was the way you do things for others. your heart and conscience will control the growth of your plants. your experiences will teach you how to take care of your plants. tests and difficulties were the things that make farmers stronger. and the yields were to be reap.
but there are a lot more than the mentioned things above about this life, find them by yourself. appreciate what you have in your life and you'll love this life even more. have the better quality of life:)
just some thoughts of mine about this life. i wrote them because of the daily question on ask.fm and i think i'd like to share them with you guys :)
 Jun 2014 antxthesis
felicia
And every time I think of you,
I think about an unfinished dream and not knowing
whether to fight for it or just leave it like that
and forget it like it would just fade away like
morning dew.

And every time I think about that unfinished dream,
I think of murmuring your name
on your ear while
we're lying on a field full of sunflowers
and kissing the spring rain and summer air because
our love is in the air all over and
again.

And every time I think I will fight for it,
fight for us,
I think of your sweet lips and
your radiant smile you'll show me everyday.
But then I think that maybe you don't feel
the same way as I do,
maybe it's just unrequited and
I'll bury myself in a wallow of shame and broken dreams
Or maybe you love me too?
But then, we will stand against the world
with your palm fits in mine
with thunderstorms and mother nature
try to tear us apart
when forget-me-not blooms among the gentleness of dandelions.

And every time I think I will just leave it like that,
I think of those nights I will spend regretting
the missed chances to hold your palms and
to stare deep inside your pupils,
my favorite objects in this whole universe
and now i don't know how to finish this writing 'cause i need you to help me write even more.

but then i asked myself "it is a poem?"
 Jun 2014 antxthesis
felicia
Loving you is like
trying to fix a cracked glass
full of liquor
with your finger

Loving you is like
walking down the street at 2 am
with bare feet
then staring blankly at you door

Loving you is like
touching snow flakes
passionately
as if they were your lips

Loving you is
dancing in a field
while kissing your closed eyelids
as you're sleeping, lost in your dreams

Loving you
never felt the same
Something I have never experienced,
it's something new and fresh,
yet it's frightening like ghosts howl at night
I was thinking about you,
again...........
Give them to me.
All the pieces of your broken heart.
Give them to me.

I'll take them.

All the rough-hewn misshapen bits of your shattered dreams.


Give them to me.
I will take them.

Give them to me.


They are wanted here.


All the parts of your misspent childhood. All the regrets of ticking seconds behind you.

Give them to me.

And we will build a cathedral. A stained glass window of who we are as tall and as beautiful as it should be.

Let me have them.

And we will make a mosaic that stretches as wide as the sky. Showing every color your heart gained from the bits and pieces left on the ground.

I will take them.

And forge a sculpture of how beautiful the ideas are that we cast out in our failings and we will cast it in our failings.

Let me have them.

And we will ***** a monument of all the small things in the shape that you remember them.
Towering. Looming. Striking. Beautiful.

Let me have them so we might bind the words said and regretted, (or worse) left unsaid in leather and call it scripture.

Our Psalms. Our Proverbs:

“The tip of my finger dangles like my tongue. Wanting to touch something beautiful.”

“If it were not for him, it would have been us.”

“You were all my brightest colors.”

“I wish I were more like you.”

“I wish I were less like me.”

“I am sped.”


And we will read them at dawn like litany.

Stretching our voices to the corners of the universe. Asking for the wishes you make when you are scared. Or alone. Or both.

That we may take them.

And make a blanket.

A blanket to cover our childhood and let it rest at last.

I will take them.

All the parts you no longer want.

Give them to me.

Because they are what make us beautiful.

Give them to me.

That I may forge them into pitch and feathers and craft mighty wings.

That I may take flight from your worry. And soar on the updraft of your misconception.

Give them to me.
I will take them.

Because I would rather burn like Icarus than to have never dared to fly.
This was a birthday gift to myself. I am giving it to you.
 Jun 2014 antxthesis
felicia
I hear the moon singing out your name.
Every night.
I see the sun radiating your smile.
Every day.
The stars remind me of your beautiful eyes sparkling
every time I see them.
The rain embraces me with your scent.
The night sky and all the constellations lingering,
portray your beautifully carved face.
Mother nature hums your voice,
the one vocalized perfectly every time you say something.
And yes, every single thing around me brings me back to you.
yet they hit me with the fact that we cant be,
and we will never be
If
I could keep writing you poems you'll never read

Or I could put my pen down and bandage my own heart

Either way, I would still lose because I wouldn't have you
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