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Holly Dec 2015
I still want to touch you.
Punish you for what you've done.

I still want your skin on mine.
I can't deny, we've had fun.

I still want to show you things that no one else has.
I still want you to be comfortable with only me.

I want to feel your nails on my skin.
I want to hear your breath in my ear.
I want my hands in your hair.
I want your intense stare.

But it's not enough to want you.
The pain that's in my heart...

You prefer shredded paper over art.

I like the warmth of your body.
I like your hands in mine.
I like how you make me tremble
When our legs are intertwined.

I want to kiss your neck.
I want to touch you there.
I want to laugh beside you.
I want to pretend no one else is there.

Even if it's temporary.
Even if I don't believe in love.

Even if you hate me.
Even if you hurt me.

You.
Right now, I want you.
Riiiight.
Holly Dec 2015
You're wrapped up in me.
Soft and sweet.
You pull me close around you.
Your body's heat.

You hold me tightly on the coldest of nights.
I bring you comfort through all your frights.

You use me up.
Every night.
I feel your fingers caress me so.
And the morning I don't want to let you go.

You smell so sweet.
The sound of your breath.
The warmth of your chest.
Your cheek I caress.

But you don't love me the most.
You'll bring her home tonight.

You'll worship her warmth.
On top of me.
My existence forgotten.
Even if momentarily.

The things I do for you go unnoticed.
The warmth I have for you, untouched.
I'm just a thing in your life of lust.
Of course I can never trust.

But tomorrow when you're lonely again...
You can rely on me, my friend.
Holly Dec 2015
"Hey."
"What's up?"
"You up?"
"I want to see you."

You're not terribly important to me.

The look in people's eyes...
I had no idea that they could lie.
When you searched my soul to understand,
While under the covers I held your hand,
And you caressed my face with such smooth skin,
And for the first time I willingly let someone in.

"We can't talk like before."

...

So the pain of lonelinesss sinks back in, and blistering heat scalds my skin, while you hold her in bed at night, keeping our secrets to prevent a fight.

And what do I care. I don't love you at all. I only find myself wanting your call.

...

"Doors unlocked."
"For you it always is"

Now this you and I we have become, to hide from ourselves how truly glum we are. I say I don't need your texts at night, they don't even come unless I ignite, the idea. Your eyes lie too. Just like his. But you're quick to remind me not to make this more than it is.

...

"Goodnight."

You as well will fade away. My memory, just a girl you played. A fun story to tell your friends. A plaything for now until this chapter ends. My heart is empty. I can't feel. Until loneliness returns. My darkness is real. And so what happens when another flies away? Who will text my heart next for a chance to play?
Kind of hate phones because you always want someone to reach you.
Holly Nov 2015
I'm here.
I'm right here.

I want to scream that sometimes.

Look at me.
I'm RIGHT here!

Mom, where are you? I'm hungry.
Dad, where are you? I'm sad.
Lover, where are you? I need you.

Life.
It's so sad.

I've always known to rely on myself.
Find my own food.
Wipe my own tears.
But even after all of these years...

I want someone to miss me.
I want someone to notice me.

Notice that I care.
Notice that sometimes even I need someone.
Just notice that I'm there.

But I'm always facing, the back of someone new.
And all this time I'm crying,
It's never bothered a single you.
Worthless words. As always.
Holly Nov 2015
The only thing I regret about meeting you
Is all the times that I said no.

The time you were probably too drunk anyway.
The night we could have played around in your car.
The night you broke down and my body could have made you smile.

I thought to myself...
"Don't do this with someone who doesn't need you."

But you wanted me.
More than anyone in my life had ever wanted me before.
And for you to want me still.
I'd give anything.

I'd give anything to run my hands through your hair.
I'd give anything for you to pull me closer with your tongue again.
I'd move mountains to hear you whisper in my ear.
Just to hear you tell me what to say...
I'd create stars for you.

To watch you sleep so peacefully.
To tell me goodnight every evening.
To have you ask me questions.
To have someone tell me everything.

Why do you infect my mind this much?
Why can't I be free of the memory of your touch?

It's you I want to comfort me.
It's you I want to play with.

But I said no all those times.
It's your turn to say no to me.
Holly Oct 2015
Never once had I played the cello.
I thought the violin sounded much more lovely.

And then I saw you.
No... I heard you.
Such a mysterious sound.
Inviting.

You drew me in with your tunes of promise.
You tempted my loneliness with a single flick of a string.

When I cried... your music was my lullaby.
The sound of your tune, no matter how made up it was...
For one meaningless moment, I was safe.

And even in this crowded world.
The busy streets, and the panics of my heart..
You wrapped yourself around me.

You became so much more than just strings.

I noticed how smooth your body was.
And what I thought was a hollow inside, held a heart.
And as I listened to it beating, I knew that's when it would all fall apart.

Because a cello, it has to put on a show.
A cello requires an audience, not one person alone.
So the music that quickly became home to me, could never be mine you know.

The cello it now haunts me.
It sounds sad and brings tears to my eyes.
The strings, they now feel lonely.
The sound, I almost despise.

But the music my cello played for me...
I'll try not to let it tear me apart.
I may not know what love is,
But music is a piece of art.
Endings are always the same, huh?
  Oct 2015 Holly
Pendulum
How can you hurt someone
who loves you more than enough?
How could you lie to the one
who gave you all her trust?

But why do I still love you
Even if you broke my heart?
Why do I still care for you?
Why do I still long for you?

Why?! Why?! Why?!
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