I haven’t spoken for a long time -or at least the truth? I believe that unless you’re not speaking of how you actually feel, you’re not really speaking at all. I had a lot in me. A lot of things to say. Too many stories to tell. I felt pride in knowing that nobody knows my whole story. And to this day, nobody does. But I have changed. I feel, sometimes, as if I am living in a totally different realm now. I do not even remember who I was last year. I have done things, felt things, I shouldn’t speak of. Things buried deep inside my soul, eating me alive everyday. I wonder if hiding your truth is just like lying? But I didn’t choose to hide. It’s just that nobody chose to know. What is the truth really? It is how one feels? Or is it what the others perceive?

Let me breathe
In the smoke of betrayal
One last time
Let me taste
The sweetness of your lies
Savoured, divine
I am not good at goodbyes
Neither letting go
You can’t say I haven’t tried
Lover —turning into a foe

Every day is just the same
Every night starts with tears
Who’s to blame
For all the wasted years?

You painted the picture
Put flowers in empty vase
Just to let it sink
Cursed with your evil sage

Chained to the cruel power of conflict
Between what I want and what’s best for me
My heart’s throbbing as if I’m being chased
By late night panic attacks, immortal memories

Captive of this room built inside hate
I have to be honest, I can’t do this anymore
Screaming the truth in the shadows
Painting a different picture as I walk out the door

Stumbling in the garden of thorns -I thought of as roses
Blowing on dandelions torn in my bleeding hand
Had I not mentioned how broken I feel?
Stepping over the beautiful castle I made of sand

Crumpled up letters of confessions I write
Of things I want myself to know now
The ones I keep forgetting like a careless child
Bring me the “you” who hadn’t lied, I’ld bow

It’s 3 in the morning
Wearing your blue shirt, I’m smiling
Everywhere I go, I see you
In every person, I look for you

Been months since I have been pretending
“I don’t love you”, good lying!
But it strucks me every day
I don’t like things this way

Thought you were all mine
In this, I found my pride
You and me, up against them all
How could you let me fall?

You knew how strong I seem,
As much as fragile I am underneath
The sheets are cold, so is my heart
Now I don’t know where to start

It’s selfish to ask them to be ”you”
Oh but I can’t love somebody new
So I build a fortress around me
Put up some bricks, lay down the concrete

I won’t let you walk through my fence
Found my weapon of defence
If you’re here, please stay
We’ll talk about love some other day

is it just me
or do you see it too?

once you break a heart
you can’t undo

i remember you calling me weak
for the pills i take to feel good

i have been going crazy
nobody has any clue

crying myself to sleep every night
constant pain, feeling blue

Let me lie down here with you
When I’m feeling down and blue
Glorious, ruthless love
Such a fool, you have no clue

Make a promise you can keep
Sow a seed I could reap
Don’t fade away
In this dark, empty street

Close the windows, my holy man
I come here with no wicked plan
Don’t you forget this night
The fire –right from where we began

I want you to stay
When I ask you to leave

I want you to say nice things
When it's falling apart for me

You asked me
To help a dying man -and I did

With bruises on my arms
A kiss on my lips

You ran out of your cigarette
I ran out of wine

I let the fate ****** all
What once was mine

You hurt me so good
Spinning me around all night

Holding me so tight
So you don't lose the sight

After all, you're the cage I dread
A ghost –infatuating my mind

You came to burn my soul
I've seen the rage,
In your dark eyes,
I have seen the ravaging fire