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 Jan 2019 Amber O'Connor
Eryck
When she says she hears voices rattling and battling in the deepest recesses of her mind, then it's time to beware, take care, and make choices saddling you and leave her behind.

     Shes a case study of its kind. That even Freud would throw up his hands, make a grand stand in his frustrations and demand a vacation to unwind.

She's all that and more.

She'll wrap a man around her fingers  make him putty in her hands,
leave him babbling in his mirror
trying so much to understand.
He should feel something, but just can't comprehend,
left a mute, numb, mumbling...
carcass, of a man.

She's like an itch that becomes a
scratch that's becomes a pestering,
festering ****, till you look down
horror bound as the ****** swollen
thing has taken on a life of its own...

then it starts maxing out your cards,
throwing your clothes out on the yard,
yelling hard. Snooping on your phone. Won't go home. Won't leave you alone.
Is it a wound or a woman or a woman or a wound or both  simultaneously, concurrently?  Yes and no.
Oh the trials and tribulations I've known!


You can really pick em.
Daddy used to say, in his haphazard way, and really lay it on me in the harshest of phrases,  meant to dazzle and daze me, rile and faze me, knock me a kilter off my normal day.


Son, you stimulate and exhilarate  the
spirit of an untamed, pained, wild
child woman and it'll be the same, and here this,
as an insane drain on the brain most personally and certainly and most notably and you can quote me.  It'll leave you feeling like the beach storming at Normandy.
Yes, this is about the same girl I wrote about in my last poem called "the end ..of a girlfriend" (give it a read for more tidbits of wacky insights). There's nothing like a heated breakup to stimulate the poetic juices.
 Jan 2019 Amber O'Connor
Ally Ann
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
lock yourself in a room,
scream until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your veins and bleed
until you know that your bones
are pure words and sorrow.
Act as if you slit your own throat
and all you can bleed
are your own regrets
and all of the darkness
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
tell her you're leaving
and you won't be back for awhile
Because being a writer is traveling
through all seven layers of Hell
and denying anything is wrong.
Forget loving yourself
when all you have is a pen and paper
fused to your wrist
and Jesus is tapping at your skull
saying turn back now.
Warn the neighbors that if they smell burning
It's just your soul
clawing at the front door trying to get in.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn how to lose everything you have
in order to feel release,
learn how to only feel deceased
from now on.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
don't
 Jan 2019 Amber O'Connor
Wanderer
Artists are often
broken people
using the fragments of themselves
to create something new
and although
being healed
feels so complete
sometimes i want to be broken again
sometimes i want open wounds
so i can use the blood
to paint sunsets
so i can use the torn off pieces of skin as a canvas
so i can carve
masterpieces with the jagged bones left behind
but I can't bring myself to break my own heart in the name of Art
I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.
 Oct 2015 Amber O'Connor
Duzy
"LEAVE ME ALONE" She hissed. It was clear she was ******, her heart closed like a fist.

Even with feelings dismissed you're too hard to resist. So to you I insist that our love should exist.

I recall when we first kissed and my eyes start to mist.

I know I'd strain my wrist if I wrote a list of all the things about you I've missed.
 Jul 2015 Amber O'Connor
mk
you won't admit it
not even to yourself
but you love living on the edge
you love the possibility
of getting in trouble
you love feeling like you're in control
of throwing yourself in the fire
you claim you are careful
and that everytime you get in trouble
is an "accident"
but only those who truly love you
truly understand you
know the truth
that you'll always take an extra step towards the edge
park your car
a centimeter too close to the cliff
sit an inch too close on the open windowsill
smoke your cigarette a second too close
to when your mom walks in on you
you love having the control
and the lack of it
you want someone to notice you
you want someone to yell at you
you want to be blamed and accused
as long as that means
someone will look your way
as long as that means
that someone will look you in the eye
inside you're crying
inside you're dying
you want to start the fire
anarchy is what you crave
and yet,
you're always an inch too far
and an inch too close
from the war itself
// when i started writing this, i had one particular person in mind...until i realized this applies to majority of first world teenagers today; so different, yet so alike. we're all just looking for someone to care, craving attention, even if that means setting our very being in flames //
never fall in love with a boy who
speaks in lavender soliloquy and
smells like cigarettes and melancholy;
whose kisses leave you in nirvana and
whose flesh lays in some lovely façade;
for he is a poet, a philosopher, and a believer
whose mind will disappear into breathless purgatory
when you're not even looking
and by the time you'll find out
you'll already have lost him somewhere,
between wandering verbosity,
and ashen wordlessness
wrote this a while ago and shared it on my tumblr, where it got around 80 notes i believe
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