If staring at the way he sleeps and knowing his movements make me in love, we'll then darling I'm falling and I would like you not to catch me until I can't see light anymore and my skin and knees are broken and withered away.  I want to express all my love I have with a simple touch of of heaven to your heart. I want you're love to be like hell burning with passion towards me. don't you go and throw away what we built with a simple goodbye with your lips and green eyes turning into black with tears and fear drive away. Don't make me think my heart and ears will never love or hear your name again. Don't leave me and tell me you want forever when your forever was only yesterday, touch me with your mind body and soul and give me everything I need to feel at home when your leaving. Give me the love I need to feel my heart is in your hand and it will always be. Let me know that when you leave with my heart it will find a home in you and you will love and care for it as you do when I'm wrapped around you. Let me know you will protect it with your hands and that it will be safe and you will come home to me with mine and your heart together happy. Leaving for a year can change everything but it can change the right things.

“Depression does not always mean
Beautiful girls shattering at the wrists
 A glorified, heroic battle for your sanity
 or mothers that never got the chance to say good-bye
Sometimes depression means
Not getting out of bed for three days
Because your feet refuse to believe
That they will not shatter upon impact with the floor
Sometimes depression means 
That summoning the willpower 
To go downstairs and do the laundry
 is the most impressive thing you accomplish that week
Sometimes depression means
Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling for hours
Because you cannot convince your body 
That it is capable of movement
Sometimes depression means
 Not being able to write for weeks 
Because the only words you have to offer the world 
Are trapped and drowning and I swear to God I’m trying
Sometimes depression means 
That every single bone in your body aches 
But you have to keep going through the motions
 beacuse  you are not allowed to call in to work depressed
Sometimes depression means
 ingnoring every phone call for an entire month
 because yes, they have the right number
But you’re not the person they’re looking for, not anymore"

I was drunk
And I knew I needed to tell you
So I choked on the words I promised I'd never say again
"I'm in love with you"

You questioned it
And blamed it on the whiskey
And you asked me
"Do you still think about him?"

You didn't need to say his name
I knew exactly who you were talking about
But in all entirety
I never thought of him once

You smiled
And I did too
You were happy I was in love with you
And I was happy I no longer loved him

I'm crumbling again.
I can feel it.
I need contact.
Human contact.
This urge to feel and be felt.
No matter how hard.
How soft.
How painful.
How pleasureful.
This craving.
This emptiness.
It can not be filled.

It's funny how we use people to fix us from a past love. How we grieve and sob over our old love until someone comes and picks us up out of are sad moments into happy ones. Falling out of love into something new and maybe something that will last forever. It's weird to think you loved another person and never even thought that you'd even love another until the day they leave and never return. But you find love in a whole new meaning. someone you didn't think you'd love, you love. And that old love disappears and makes you think was that even love? Should I even call that love if this new love is completely different? Why must we throw the word love around when we end up with someone new most of the time. Shouldn't love be a word we use to the person we want to spend are whole life's with and we actually do? Should the word love be illegal cause it makes the heart confused on the view of love? Being in love and loving someone should come from the heart and not the mind but we throw it around like it's a new trend. Being in love should make you feel butterfly's in places you didn't think could fly. Being in love should make you feel at home with that person even when you don't have a home and make you not want to be with anyone or anywhere esle.  Being in love make you believe in a future. Why tell a new love you are in love with them when you feel there be gone in a year or more? Do we trust are self that if this love isn't true a new love will come and we will forget It all and hope for a new future? A new start to what we wanted with our old loves? Maybe one day you could say you finally found someone wroth fighting for to keep that love alive like I have.

Lately I've been trying to forget who you are. Did you know that every seven years the human body replaces each and every cell. I think that's lovely. How invigorating is the thought that I will soon have a body that you have never loved, that you have never touched. However,  I've still got years to go and tonight you're the only thing pulsing through my veins. ***** and ***** and ***** is the only thing I can feel. I'm trying to forget you but it seems like the only thing I'm forgetting is my name and how to walk. It's so hard to keep going when you're the only thing on my mind, sober or drunk.

I wonder how many seconds of insane courage it would take me to get up and walk away from everything I've ever loved. To never look back and willingly end up lost. I want to get caught up in the moment of being lonely and let it take me away. Away from here.At one point in your life, you'll feel like your back is against the wall and there's no point in looking for a way out. Today I caught hold of that feeling, a black restlessness settled in my bones and urged me get lost and run away. Sometimes I think it would solve all of my problems and that all of the people who ever used me would wake up with saddened hearts and guilty minds. It would be nice to leave behind a world of hurt for a beautiful, bright light.