Panic at the door,
Knock, knock.

I feel my waning mind,
My breath distressed as I try not to answer,
My heart beating in ominous tune.

The anxious wait,
Streaming thoughts turn to screams,
Thoughts darting here and there,

The incessant drumming,
Don't open the door,
Or everyone will see...

~Robert van Lingen

Today is yet another that pulls me back to pains of past,
Amassed sit the flowless tears,
I'm in shock.

I'd love to forget love,
Yet, It's not that simple.

I stand,
I walk,
I run,

Any manner of how far I go,
You are there.

~Robert van Lingen

When is the end of my story?
Where is my final line?
The heat slowly fades into my mind as I seek asylum from itself...

Bring me to me,
When is my end,
When is my goodbye?

~Robert van Lingen

Write my mind,
Stare me blind.

Feel the tale,
Sing the song.

Listen to the past,
Raise the Mast.

Everything we had,
Everything we did.

This is not the end of the story.

~Robert van Lingen

To my heart I write these words,
Spare me from my sickness,
Unchain me from my shackles.

I walk only because I must,
Not yet for myself.
There are good days,
There are bad.

It's sad to see myself in such a state,
When my efforts reap little reward.

Today, once again, I find myself asking why,
Why?

Who knows.
I do my best to restrain myself from my own fires,
And still they burn,
But not as the flames in your candle, no.
They burn with a searing, slow, and silent heat.

My stomach churns at the thought of this lasting forever.

Reprieve me of my prisonous mind.
I would love to love myself, and yet I try,

And yet I falter.

Why do I hold myself to such perfectious standard?

I bear the standard of the anxious and depressed, meanwhile no one knows how to listen for the silent cries that even I speak unawares.

I tear my own heart asunder, but why?

The silent disease with no cure.
The infection that cannot be understood due to its silence.

So how are we to solve this puzzle?
Where none of the pieces fit?

Solve the riddle unspoken.

~Robert van Lingen

A love won,
A battle lost,
A cost too dear,
Here I stand in my worst fear,
Here I am.

****,

What now,
So loud,
The thoughts,
The self screams.

Mother,
So dear,
I understand,
I know how you feel,
Take yourself into God's Kingdom,
And be free.

I love you Mom,
Goodbye.

~Robert van Lingen

There are a lot of answers I want,
But no questions I'm willing to ask.

There are a lot of things I want to say,
But none that I will.





The painful restraints shackle my wrists,
Yet I accept them with glee.

For the first time, I understand,
Some words lay better unsaid.

Some questions,
Better unasked.

To this moment I restrain myself,
Not in reluctance.

To this moment,
I learn the truth of patience.

To this memory,
I hold my tongue to not taint the skies that sail behind me.

To this one,
I stay my mind,

To save you the pain.

~Robert van Lingen