The message
you carry
is more
valuable
than
your defeats
and
it is
with this
knowledge
in which
I hope
you choose
to keep walking.

a flicker
of recognition

a glance
into a sea of faces

a pair of eyes
that were once familiar

but the feeling is
different

the emotion is
heavy

i look away

I thought I loved the East Coast until I saw your eyes look back at me under the moonlight slipping through the window.
I thought I loved the East Coast until we were pressed together, laughing, trying to fit on your twin mattress.
I thought I loved the East Coast until I felt your breath on my neck at four in the morning.
I long for the Pacific and for you to take me there.

"I love you."
Words can't touch me anymore.
My skin is coated in lies
Nothing penetrates.
My last hope is caught in my throat
And I can't swallow it,
Bumps and bruises are hidden behind
"I'm fine," "I'm just tired."
Words are branded into my skin.
They have left layers of scars
So thick there's no room left to carve -
So imprinted there's nothing left to root.
Nothing more to say to boot.
Prickly like a porcupine, consonants stick off of me,
Petruding like my long buried personality
Used to,
Like my personality used to.
Vowels form a new face of expressions
I was once able to pen for myself
But now
I can't.
I wear words instead of speak them;
I wear words like a coat of armor on top of my numb skin.
I swear words don't even touch me anymore.
There is no need to carry a shield ,
Instead you built for me a castle.
And I'm somewhere inside,
Untouched.

There will be a morning
Like all the rest
When you turn over and open heavy lids
As you exit slumber you are startled
Because you are alone

You fell asleep alone
Yet you will be surprised
You call out, remembering the lives that once mingled with yours
They can be heard calling back
But they are not calling back to you

You lay in your nest
Wondering how all the birds flew away
When you've barely hatched

I begin to hear the screams
First softly
Then on top of me
Each inside me yet racing through me
Each heart beat is a pinprick
***** my skin and pierce my flesh
As you breathe
And I scream
I scream because I don't want you to forget the sound
The sound of people in pain
Sometimes you don't know them
Sometimes you don't know me
Pinpricks draw out my blood to show you proof of the color
I once beat read
I once beat black
Now my heart beats psychedelic screams
Visible screams
Printed on your eyelids