Maybe the world isn’t what you think
Maybe the world isn’t so black and white
Maybe what you think is right really isn’t
Maybe there are grey areas that you can’t even comprehend

You kept me from things to keep me safe
But you can’t keep me from my mind
Such a wondrous place
But can be just as deadly as snake venom to blood
You kept me from my fears so I would never face them
Or at least what you thought were my fears
You kept me from your fears
But you didn’t realise my greatest fear was right in front of you
My greatest fear was you

Inside this school, you see everyone
You see faces
You see names
But you don't realize that all you really are seeing is the mask
The mask that they decide to put on so you don't know the real them
You don't see the writing that she has done on your wrists
Or the stories he tells to his grandmother who died last year
In this school, you only see what they want you to see
You don't see the difference that is made with her smile
You don't see the tiredness on his face because he was up all night proving to his brother that his life is worth living
You don't see the rage on her face because she can't bring her girlfriend to church
There is all too much you can't see
Yet you think you know everything about someone
How they look is ** much money they have
Oh they're holding hands? They MUST be a couple
The bruises are fine, they are just from falling off their bike

My words bunch up in my throat.
I want to comfort people with my words, sweet as honey,
But they're too thick to come out.
I finally get them out, but they're weak and useless.
How do I get them out?

My touch falters.
I try to reach out and help with a gentle touch,
But it lands awkward and uncomfortable,
People edge away not wanting to be touched by me.
How do I fix my touch?

My eyes betray.
I try to tell stories through my eyes,
To spare people my words, that stick like honey,
I look to try and keep my poisoned hands away from them,
But all they display is hurt and sadness.
How do light them?

My writing helps.
I write down all the thoughts that stick like honey.
I try to touch the reader's heart with my words.
I hide behind a screen so they don't have to see my eyes filled with sadness.
How do I do this without a screen and keyboard?

I’m sorry I can’t sleep,
That I spend my nights in constant agony,
Closing my eyes and trying to stay calm
But never finding rest within my mind.
I’m sorry I always have a headache,
That I have a constant pain behind
My eyelids, a torture that plagues my temples
And unmercifully spirals around my head.
I’m sorry I have to fake my way through
Every day, smiling and laughing while
The constant fatigue drains at my soul,
Tempting me to snap at everyone.
I’m sorry I frequently wake up in tears,
Fully convinced that the terrors of the night
Are real and tangible, and even though they aren’t,
I know they’ll come back night after night.
I’m sorry I’m too scared to tell anyone
What I’m going through, too worried
That they will think I’m weak, or stupid,
Or that I’m lying to gain attention.
I’m sorry I apologize for everything,
That I am paranoid, worried sick about
All the wrong I’ve done, and all the
Wrong my mind leads me to believe I’ve done.
I’m sorry.

a striking slice along the creamy white
freckle galaxy that is my thighs

is this what i've become?

a dab of crimson, slow pour at first
then a scarlet waterfall, perfect picture of my pain.

why did i do this

throbbing pain, dulling my senses
my mind is numb, almost at ease.

it hurts, i knew it would

gently easing cotton over wound,
bittersweet burgundy blood, feeding into pristine purity

what have i done

I'm tired.
Tired of everything.
I just want to sleep,
And never wake up again.

No, I'm not lazy,
I'm not running away from life.
I'm just tired of the world and myself,
And too tired to change anything.