When the storms rage in my head
When I'm drowning in my dread
When I'm living like I'm dead
There you are

When I have no hand to hold
When I've lost sight of control
When I can't be strong or bold
There you are

And even though I see no sign above
I'm asking you to give me strength to trust

God you say that you're good
but everything I know
Seems so out of control

And I can't make sense
of where you are in all this mess
and all I feel is my distress

But you say you're here
Could I know you're here?

What are these things you feel?
These deep things
secret things
their worth unbeknownst to you.

I cannot grasp them;
The breadth and worth of them
the way you do.

I cannot feel true pain
nor relish in overflowing joy.
I am but a suit of armor,
polished and made to reflect
a light that does not belong to me.

Awake, awake, o sleeper!
Awake to the worth of the blessed curse
to laugh and cry
to dream and die
with the strum of a lyre and the stroke of the pen
and the thousand words from family and friends.

It is not merely a blessing, nor merely a curse
and believe me, it is far, far worse
to be disconnected from the majesty
of your bleeding heart.

Surrounded
caged in by
I can't
suffocated

I can't
I can't
I can't
I can't

Can't
breathe
hope
love

Can't
do any of those things
I can
does

Can
breathes
hopes
loves

A key
to the cage
of can't
you have it

You can
breathe
hope
love

Can you
breathe for me?
hope for me?
love for me?

Can you
unlock the door
and believe
I can too?

Your hands, they're trembling again.
Mine are too.
I reach out to save you,
but suddenly I'm grasping a ledge.

I didn't ask for this, but somehow,
I gave myself a role.
You didn't ask for this, but somehow,
I claimed you as mine.

There's so many of you!
What am I supposed to do?
Can I even do anything?

No, I can't.
I can't save even a single life.
That power doesn't lie with me,
not in the least.

Yet there is a hope!
A hope beyond me.
A hope that transcends time;
a force greater than I can imagine!

On a tree, this hope was hung.
A man judged for all time,
A God who sacrificed all he had,
for the sake of monsters like us.

Yes, this hero, this God-man, this Jesus
died and was raised to life.
This Savior who came for us,
who claimed His children's lives as His own.

He will save you, not me!
I have no hope to give on my own,
but that Jesus died, bearing your sin
and killing it forever.

He will claim those who are His,
and He will save them.

I'm no savior, and I don't have to try to be.

Can I run away with You?
Can I get out of today
and go back to the time
when I knew the works of Your hands?
Broken and mended all at once, I was
destroyed and created
made beautiful from ashes.

Tears wept by a soul sealed
memories of a heart healed
iniquity eclipsed by heaven's perfection.
Shameless, blameless, all forgotten
knowing only that You love me
completely and with no regard to yesterday.

Because yesterday, today, and forever
Your grace forgave them all.
And I need only recall
my Jesus and King
His love displayed on Calvary.

Breathing heavy
behind my eyes
you lie in wait
for my submission.

Uncontainable
yet contained
Uncontrollable
yet subdued

for a moment.

You are darkness
you are fury
you yearn for blood
to burst forth and ****

You drench me
in shadows and blood
I dance with you
like no one ever should

I give you all I have
you become my consummation
then you leave me to die
violated, hung to dry

You thief!
You liar!
How dare you call for more!
You make a thousand promises,
as if I were your *****!
But perhaps I am that and more
for I continue to answer your knocking at my door.

No more!

You're a monster
a damnable beast!
you're nothing like
I had ever dreamed...

So I take my leave.
I return to the bridegroom
that I have so deeply grieved.
His promises ring true
they deafen me to the lies you tell.
I pray and beg I heed them
lest I let you drag me into Hell!

Personas, ever transient
ebbing and flowing
coming and going with
laughter
sorrow
anger
worry
and confusion.

Is it a question of
who am I?
or is it a question of
will I?

Will I
love?
Hate?
Fight?
Forgive?
****?
Save?

Heroes, villains
men, monsters
we're all of these things.
we are not static
we are a choice.

We are who we choose to be.