i - i can't touch myself
for that would touch a child
raised alone with a book.
some would say,
the best pages
ever archived.
The Internet.

**** hand for years and years
controlled *******
a brain for pleasure,
though almost ruined by lust,
now look how happy
I am. I - I am.

Gaze upon this grin.

Giving up the ghost.
Giving up the host.
Difficulties, but mine,
it never was.

Give up the ghost.
Give up the ghost,
as the fighting it
is over what
just never
was.

Child of the state has an acceptable life
but
mom
is there
as she thought right
when
she was
just a kid, herself.

Stuck in the maelstrom of prideful ways
that
her
mother
and her father
taught her
and so made
two babies,
batter and baste
and begone --

only to admit in the future
to a confused
son and daughter
her
deeper reasons:
she
hurt for love,
she
hurt for the company. . .

. . . (so)!

Keep it going!
Forget, "slowly."
Keep it going,
you're doing
great!

Keep it going!
Forget slowly,
that education is
important.
Keep it up!
Remember,
if someone criticizes
it's because
you're
do
in
g
r
e
a
t
!

No one tells you what it will be like.
This is something you learn on your own.
Trial, error, trial, error.
Until you think you've found the one.

Movies, TV, books.
They don't tell you how hard it is.
It's not a magical prince or princess coming and sweeping you away.
They lived happily ever after.

What they don't tell you is how hard you have to work to keep things going.
It is always worth it.
No expectations, no standards.
Just two people trying to make it in life together.

You have to try everyday if you want it.
You can't be lazy about it.
If you can't imagine this person not in your life, work to show it.

I'm still working and learning myself.
I try everyday and if I get lazy, she knows it.
She is worth every amount of effort and time.
I make myself better for me and for her.

We are bonded for life.
The strongest bond you can imagine.
We will always be there for each other.

At first it was: skinny, twig, chicken legs.
It didn't bother me too much.
I was those things.

Then it was "Toby" in reference to Roots.
It had nothing to do with the color of my skin.
It was to tell me people saw me lesser.
I was less of a human being to them.
It stuck.

After that some people would tell me, " Oh, your looking a little big there."
My depression worsened and my self worth plummeted.
I stayed inside all the time.
Wore baggy clothes on purpose.

And now, I hear "Wow you're looking really good."
Took several years to get to a point where everything leveled.
Now my health is better.
My depression is better.
My self worth is better.

Life is a journey filled with ups and downs.
I never knew if I would be able to get back up again.
Thankfully I'm stronger than I look.