At first it was: skinny, twig, chicken legs.
It didn't bother me too much.
I was those things.

Then it was "Toby" in reference to Roots.
It had nothing to do with the color of my skin.
It was to tell me people saw me lesser.
I was less of a human being to them.
It stuck.

After that some people would tell me, " Oh, your looking a little big there."
My depression worsened and my self worth plummeted.
I stayed inside all the time.
Wore baggy clothes on purpose.

And now, I hear "Wow you're looking really good."
Took several years to get to a point where everything leveled.
Now my health is better.
My depression is better.
My self worth is better.

Life is a journey filled with ups and downs.
I never knew if I would be able to get back up again.
Thankfully I'm stronger than I look.

5 hours of sleep, wake to a text telling me that I need to open.
I had to rush, hopefully I put my head on straight.
Barely said hello or goodbye to my love.

I shouldn't complain.
Longer hours means more money.
It's hard not to trudge to this place.
40 to over 60 year old women, some of whom are bitter with how their life ended up.
20ish young adults who can't find better jobs, me included.

Just space out all day because trying to have any sort of conversation ends up with, "Well with me..."
Spouting off facts like they know everything.
Then a young 20 year old who takes part in every conversation.

Just remember it sometimes pays the bills.
Just remember it is temporary.
Just remember it is a stepping stone to something greater.

Sometimes you just have to stick it out.
It isn't a race.
Take your time.
You'll get to where you need to.

Hello there in the mirror
It's been a length of time
Too long, if you ask me
And you do ask me
Because I'm you

Oh, me, it's been too long
Once we were of a kind
Then we were metal twine
Then were cut in two

Glass can tell
A story
Better than
Family
Or even
A good friend

Glass can tell
A story
Better than
The basic
John or Jane
Or Mx

Hello there in the mirror
It's been a length of time
Ugly is beautiful
Beautiful ugly
And in between

Oh, me, I'm
Pulling stretch marks apart
To see the white
The intact skin is tanned
The damaged skin is
Bright pearlescent

Oh, me, I'm
Pulling my gum lines down
To see the black
The clean teeth still eat plaque
The bad teeth, less teeth
More empty space

I dream up lines
Philosophize
Spread a word
For the birds

The birds want
the bird feed

I swat the flies
Benchmark the binds
Stress the test
Do my best

The soul wants
what it wants

I've been too excited
About the things I learn
I've forgotten to hide it

The world is dark
The world is light
Which we define
Which we divide

Cut up and give a form

My heart is ill
I eat the pills
My mind is gone
I may be wrong

More often than I'm right

Lights in the skies
Here come aliens

While I'm on LSD