I hate you and
The taste that you leave
You're like that hideous stain
I can't get off of my sleave
I hate the way you kiss
And the way your **** would miss
As if i were too small to find
Too dumb to mind
That you abused me every
Night and all day
And just when i thought i got away
You reel me in and hold me tight
And promise me that i'm alright.
Choke me til i hit the floor
**** me til i beg for more
Hit me til i see the stars
Throw my body in the car...
But you loved me then and
Love me still
And i know i have until
I give my heart to someone new
And break your broken heart in two
two...
And i would hate to see the
Sleepy tears
That fall from cheek to sheet
For years
For every night and think of you
And all the things we used to do
Before the whole world went all mad
Before my days were dark and sad
Before the fists and blood and sweat
Before i could make myself forget
Those three long years of
No tomorrows
The three long years
Of hopeless sorrows.

It tickles when my hair brushes my neck
Sending shivers down my spine
To keep me in line and I forget
What the sound of my voice is when all I can hear
Is the echo of my thoughts
And I forgot to tell you about the day
That I lost my way and how
You helped me find it.
Sometimes I wish I were a bird
With fragile wings and a song to sing
Each morning, to sound the alarms of
Spring and make it known that I am in fact alive.
I have a tongue that cuts through lies
A blade honed by truth
But it's no use when my words fall
On deaf ears and my smile is met by
Only fear of reality.
It is by this name that I walk the earth
Desperately trying and crying out for the souls
Of the forgotten sons and daughters that
Have no names only graves and stones
Washed clean of an identity by the rain and the
Pain of years that have passed.
In a shell of a soldier I pick up the guise
Of a man on crusade for his faith in what once
Was a trance and now I can
Stop pretending that I have the answers
Before I even know the question.

i tend to over think things and
sometimes i'm too
sensitive
taking everything to heart.
there are days when
all i want
is to
cry
and others that are
filled with
laughter.
i'm clumsy and careless and
a little too self conscious
but if you care
enough
to let me in
i'll show you the
secrets
i hide behind this
cracked smile.
when i whisper
it's only because i
don't want to hear
my own voice
and when i sing
it's to tell you
how much
i love
you.
i love the beach right
before summer
really hits
and i love the
autumn leaves
before they
fall.
my favorite flavor is
you
and my sanctuary
is your
embrace
and when you laugh
it's like my own
lullaby.
but even with all
the beauty in
this world
i still
ceased to see
the light
and i gave in to the
darkness.
and ever since i
survived
i take it just
one day
at a
time
but i know
i'll be
alright
cuz i have you
right by
my
side.

I'm with you but sometimes I wonder
If you're with me
Cuz when I say I love you sometimes
You just laugh and turn the other way.
There are days when I look at you and feel
An overwhelming coldness grip me
Like that first day of winter when I know
Fall has come to an end
And soon all of the beauty of Autumn
Will fall to the ground to be covered
And forgotten in the snow.
Once in a while when you smile at me
I know you love me for just that second
Like a film cell taken out of a
Movie that never ends...
Some days are fun and we go on trips to
Places we never even heard of
In states we never even saw
Just on a whim like a couple of bums
We picked up and packed up
And had *** in random beds along the way.
How can I love you so much
And give you so much
When I barely even see the real you
And when I do
He scares me...
I find myself wanting more and I feel bad
Because I know with you
I'll never get it
But I can't help but hope that one day
You'll see what you have
And you'll want to be better for me...
I wonder if that makes me
Selfish or if it just proves that
I'm only human.

Sitting in my paper house
Looking through the walls
I hear the breaking dishes
And the candle as it falls.
Burning house on paper hill
Rush to douse the fire
We just sit and laugh and stare
Tickled with desire.
Looking at our house of cards
On the bedroom floor
Laughing as we seal the windows
And lock the only door.
Then we spark another flame
And set the home ablaze
Laughing at the fiery light
That captivates our gaze.
Running from our paper lives
Stretched out way too thin
Transparent are our many lies
Translucent is our skin.
Giddy little children playing
Stupid little games
We laugh and cry and scream aloud
As our life goes up in flames.

Back at the berry farm...
Boston's Berry Farm;
Where streams slide slick as oil
And beautiful birds choose their perches with caution.
With winding roads of dirt and dust,
Each pebble has its own face,
He throws one when I say no---
It hits my heart and shatters my hopes.
Silenced screams on the forest floor,
I bury myself in my mind
As he buries my head in his lap---
I stifle a cry, I swallow my pride, and I forget.
My best friend, my neighborhood knight
Picks up a baseball bat,
Slams the smile off of his face
Breaks his ribs, but doesn't break the promise.
No one knew, no one knows,
It stays buried under the maple leaves,
Under the twigs and the wildflowers,
Under the shadows of the silkworms' nests.

All I need to do
Is make it through the day
Breathe in all the good
And blow the bad away.
Words form blisters on my tongue
Burning out the taste of you
Sweet and secure with a touch
Of ****** up.
I don't say that to just anyone
You know you were the first
Man I ever loved
But you weren't the last I will ever
Touch.
I left you behind in the rubble
Of what used to be our life
Our lie
Our alibi.
With every day I see clearly
The truth of what I've done
Who knew such consequence
Could be born of love and indecision.
Cloudy head and cloudy mind
Always afraid of things behind
The past never stays where it should
And I'd burn it all down if I could.
The last puff is always the worst
It's hard to swallow when my throat is
Clogged with lies
I forgot to tell you.

My favorite necklace
Is a noose
And I laugh when you
Make it too loose cuz
You're always trying
To save me.
You're my favorite
Voice inside my
Head
And the only
Monster underneath
My bed
But you don't
Exist, you're  just an
Extension of
Myself
Just like everybody
Else
In my life I ever loved
Cuz who I am
Is just not
Enough
For anyone to
Love for real.
My whole life
Revolves around
Fight or flight
Cuz I'd rather let myself
Drown
Then let someone
Down
And I'd give it all
Up, the little
That I have
Just to see you
Smile
Just to see you
Glad
To be alive
Even if you only
Exist
In my mind.

There is a storm within my soul
It’s dark and it’s foreboding
I find myself caught in its thralls
And its wrath is just unfolding.


Rain and wind and sleet and hail
Plague my troubled skies
And as the raindrops drench my heart
My teardrops synchronize.


I find it hard to find the source
Of my gloomy situation
With panic in my stormy eyes
I scream in desperation.


And as I fight to find some light
The darkness presses on
And before I see it going…
My life, my soul, is gone.

There's a sadness in your voice

A certain melancholic twinge

I've been asleep for many days

My sweet insomniactic binge.

Upon awaking I suppose

I sensed that something was amiss

A kind of jerking in the cogs

Of our love's cataclysmic bliss.

As though a veil had been removed

I saw the truth laid crystal clear

Behind the ambiance of love

There lay a monstrous pit of fear.

But I've been stuck in my own
                               Pluvial place for so long that
                  I no longer know what
                                                 Clear skies look like.

the more time that passes
the more i realize
how short a
lifetime
really
is.
the more i try to figure out
what i want to be
when i "grow up"
the more i
question
what that
really
means.
i thought that growing up meant
i don't get to joke around
or read for fun or
take a nap
or throw a
fit.
i thought it meant that once i
turned eighteen i couldn't
buy a happy meal or
make mistakes or
build a snowman
or cry for no
reason.
but it seems like the older i
get the more i want
to do childish things
as if clinging to
the age of
innocence
i so desperately
wanted to
leave
behind.
the older i get
the more i
understand
the plight
of peter
pan
and the more i wish
i could have
appreciated
when i
was a
child
and had all the time
in the world.

There is                                               a twisted                                                   tree
    in the distance..                            with branches                                   reaching
     toward the                                      sky, forever                                  searching
        for the hand                              of God to come                                and fix the
       tormented                                   twisting limbs...                          to save it from
    the men that                                    want its bark                                and its heart
  and its old                                         and ancient                                     soul...but to
     its dismay                                        the tree does                                   not receive
       the help it seeks                           from the god it                            searched for
          and waited for                          and prayed to                          and hoped
                for in the dead                   of the night and                  the sting of
                       the day...                      because the god            it was expecting
                               turned               his back so long ago      that the
                                       whole earth forgot that he was real...so
                                            why is it, tree, that you still search
                                                for this god that has forsaken
                                                    us all? could you hold
                                                    an ancient truth buried
                                                    in your twisted frame?
                                                    I see this tree far away
                                                    Standing­ alone against
                                                    The starry sky, and I
                                                    Wonder how it got there
                                                     And how it has stayed
                                                    So long...It is then that
                                                  I notice the eerie whispers
                                               on the wind, coming from the
                                             archaic tree...and I realize that the
                                    god to which it begged for helo really did exist
                          because it he didn't, that beautiful, tattered, twisted tree
                 would have                                                             ­      been gone
                 years before                                                           ­      I could've
                    stumbled                            ­                                     upon its
                        grace...

Heights and when
I look at someone's eyes
But only see the
Whites
And the sound of your
Voice telling me
It's time to make
That choice.
The way my breath
Leaves my lungs
As lies bounce off
Our tongues
And spiders that crawl
On my
Bedroom wall
While I sleep....
Time, never ending
Or simply
Suspending
Leaving things
Unfinished, undone
Nothing lost
Nothing won.
A meaningless life
Filled with
Struggle
And strife
Never reaching the end
Always have to pretend
To be fine
And the only
Face that you'll see
Is the one
That's not
Me
While the real me
Inside
Is content
Just to
Hide.

The stars illuminate the leaves on trees
for miles and all I see are
constellations mingling in the silken skies.
A shooting star from far off galaxies
wipes away the fallacies of life as
we know, to reveal the path lain out
by the real God; time.
Time has seen all, knows all, shows all--
with a fist as swift as Eros' arrow Time
crushes all within his path
without thought to the aftermath.
Yet time is not unforgiving, loving
none more than the living with gifts
like birth and life and death
a promise that there is something next.

I don't know how to say
What I want to say
Or the words that you need to hear
To be ok
Or the excuses that will work
To calm your nerves
Or the things I need to do
To be the daughter
You deserve...
I don't know what to do
To fix my life
Do I need to be a friend
Or a sister
Or wife?
Do I have what it takes to
See this life through
Or am I too weak
Too meek
To stay true
To myself...
What words should I utter
To calm the shutter
I felt since the day I was born?
What things do you need to hear
To make you forget
Your daughter, your dear
Sweet wreck of a spawn
The girl with a head that's not quite on
The right way...
I have tried for so long
To belong
To this family
Yet the harder I try
The more that I die
Inside...So should I sacrifice
What's left of my happiness
So you can be a
Class A mom?
I hope that you know
That it's only a show
And the smile I wear
Isn't really there,
Is that fair
Of you to ask me to do?
I give up....it's up to you.

What if you woke to find me gone
My life's final song still left unsung
The noose tied tight around my throat
Teardrops surround, near the letter I wrote.

Would you care, would you dare, to read the words
The ones, before, you never heard
As I screamed them in silence on deaf mens' ears
Ignored by you through all my years.

Helpless
Drowning in these dreams
I'm ripping open
At the seams
Now nightmares roaming free
I cannot breathe
I cannot see.

Scared
Running out of time
I find no reason
Find no rhyme
To explain the way I feel
As my monsters
Become real.

Broken
Searching for the piece
To make this puzzle
Be complete
That night is gone
I can't remember
Summer gone
It's now December.

Cold
I feel my heart begin slow
I feel a sickness
Start to grow
Within my mind
Within my soul
I stare inside and lose control.

Tired
Eyelids heavy as the night
I see you
Though you're out of sight
I cannot breathe
Without you here
This life I live
Is what I fear.

Dead
The bottle in my hand
I'm dizzy
Can no longer stand
It's over
Finally I can smile
You know
I haven't for a while.

The sun has risen already, has hidden
Already behind the clouds that
Cover this town and all
Its ***** little secrets.
Bees surround me with sound
To blot out the profound thoughts
Swimming around in my mind
Without a hope to find
An answer to life.
What once was a tree is now
A path for the power lines,
We cut down what lies in the way
Of a "better day" where screens
Dictate what it means to be alive.
How can I see what's next when
There is no magical text to give
Me solace when my heart pounds
And the silence shakes the ground
Beneath my weary feet.
We're drones on our phones put
On a path lain out by the wrath
Of ages, progression or regression
Depends on your perspective.

I've been awake
for so long
now
that I can't
remember what
dreams
feel like
and though I rest
all day
I never feel
rested.
I'm restless and
tormented
by the
decisions I
have made
and I
find no
solace
in your arms
like I
did
before.
So many thoughts
swimming
against the
natural current of
my mind
giving me
daunting
headaches
that keep me
awake
for days.
I feel frantic
like there
is something I
forgot
to do
but I know that's
absurd
because I
haven't planned
on doing
anything
for a very
long
time.
I'm content to
just sit here
and waste
my life
away.

What is life but a series of events
One then another, then another
Set up on cue like dominos.

What is love but a roll of film
A series of beautiful pictures
Eventually ending abruptly.

What is truth but a piece of a puzzle
Nothing without the other pieces
One from each eye that knows the whole.

What is the future but a glimpse of the past
My favorite song on repeat
Old and true and nothing new.

What is death but a stepping stone
A portal from this world to the next
With a dreary connoisseur, the Reaper.

What is life...but a dream.

Sometimes I feel like
I am not the me I'm
Supposed to be.
In the mirror there are eyes
Looking back at
A disguise someone
Else molded.
Even though you
Held me together
My soul was still
Severed and I can't find
All of the pieces
To make me remember
Who I was.
Before the scars on my
Heart made its beating
Erratic and before
Every song that I heard
Went from lyric
To static.
Before the touch of a hand
Made my blood run cold,
Before the sight of you
Started getting old.
While the thought of
Living without you
Makes my smile fade
A smile that I made
To oust the darkness;
Sometimes I wonder
What happened to the
Younger me that
Yearned to be free.

my utter inability
    to take responsibility
             is killing me...
                    and the possibility
                            of Heaven's plausibility
                                     is thrilling me...
                                            while my capability
                                                    to harness my hostility
                                                          is willing me...
                                                               And the last of my civility
                                                                    Disappears in mere futility
                                                                          As death's cool kiss is chilling me...

Im irritable
And volatile
I can't help but notice
Nothing feels right anymore
And when I start to feel
Happy
Something in me says STOP
You aren't allowed to
Feel that way.
I cringe at your touch
But I find myself
Resenting you when you
Turn the other way
To sleep without
Me in your arms
And when you smile and say
I'm beautiful
It makes me want to
Slap the grin off your
Hideous face
The face I love
To hate.
This bitterness has made my mouth
Numb
From swallowing all these
Feelings for so long
And I noticed that you don't
Smile like you
Used to
Because you know what goes on
In the darkest corners
Of my mind
Even when I don't.
You know me better than
I know myself
But you really don't
Know me
At all...

and along the way
i seemed to
outgrow
you