Secrets.
Precious,
shame filled hidden desires
and stories.
Shared,
they are rare gifts.
Not lies,
but longings and fears.
Tearful offerings.
Once whispered they live.
Fragile in another’s ears.
They must be loved.
Respected.
Cared for.
Remembered.
Secrets.
Mirrors into our souls.
Ignored
become shattered bits
of self.
Handled with care
become homes for healing.
Soulful Connections.

Anxiety is
Purgatory for my tears
Let them fall I beg

As sunlight steals
the night sky
Chasing the moon from its perch
So to does it chase away the
Braveness and boldness
Of a night filled with amber liquid
And the shedding of rules and fears.
Under the moons watch
we became two people
Uninhibited for a moment in time
Daring and bold
Drinking in one of life’s simple pleasures
A kiss
An asking and a telling in that moment
Then as the stars carried our secret into another’s night sky
We were left with the clarity and certainty the sun brings
Reminding us...
Shore up defenses
Remember the rules
For to let guards down
Leaves room for questions
A home for guilt
An exposing of longings
Yet morning to midnight
Both have a story
Written and waiting to be wrote
A reminder light does not exist without darkness
And clarity is to know
There is nothing known
And maybe love lives somewhere in between.

He says, “Do you want to come home with me?”
I say, “No”
I think, “Yes”
My heart tells me, “You don’t want his body without his soul. And he is not ready to share both.”

It’s back.

The familiar ache radiating through my chest.
It steals my breath.
It hurts my stomach.
It makes my eyes leak.
I try to hold it.
Love it.
Accept it.
Understand it.
Connect with it.

Yet nothing seems to comfort it.

It’s a searching. An existential longing. A yearning.

It fills and is left unfilled.

Have I chosen it?
Or has it chosen me?

Loneliness

Is it to be released?
Or asked to release me?

Feelings.....
      Discovered, Explored, Explained
Never Felt
       Lived or Loved

Talk to me
       Share with me
              Hold me
                    Kiss me
                          Know me
                  Love me
Don’t need me
Talk at me
Or Take me
           Want me
                  Desire me

                Don’t consume me

The sea swallowed me
in its' salty waves.
Pursued me in its'
Power.
I was unable to see in its' wake.
Breath in its' presence.
Its' depths and darkness engulfed me.
Fear.
Despair.
Loss.
Longing.
All these lived here.
And then came you....
words.
My words.
My voice.
First thought,
Then gathered,
Finally written,
Then Shared.
Poetry YOU saved me
from myself.

You......a lover of words
Painting pictures with each syllable
Evoking feeling with every click of the keyboard.
Yet you will not feel or hear the words of mine.
How angry I am with you.

I've been dreaming about you again.
The outline of your lips telling me your thoughts in unspoken words.
Funny how they’ve never touched.
Yet I wake and feel the remnants of your kiss.

Your silence tells me everything I need to know.
And yet I search for hints of your love in it.
Like a squirrel storing up for winter I hoard our memories.
Use them to fill me during this famine.
Your silence only serves to fuel my dream that we are still us.

I am down in the cave.
     Eyes open to the darkness.
Sheltered from the elements.
     But this shelter leaves me
          naked and exposed. Unable
to hide from myself.
I feel the familiar ache begin
     to rise in my chest.
Followed by fear.
     I want to run.
As I look for a way out,
     I am met by his eyes.
I slow my breath
               and stare.
It is only his eyes I see.
     But I know them.
I feel the space between us
     as an offering.
     A shared experience.
For I am not naked
     and alone in this cave.
He is there.....
     naked and exposed in the darkness with me.
Without touch
     I feel him.
Without words
     We speak.
I search his eyes.
It is then I see the flicker of
          fear.
For we both know this is a rare find.
We know the ecstasy of such a treasure.
Without moving
     We begin to dance.
The flicker of fear hidden.
Now replaced with a pleading to trust him.
And I know I can trust him.
He will not leave me alone
     in the cave when
     the wailing escapes
     my lips like a cry
     of an animal caught
     by his predator.
He will bare witness to that pain.
He will make sure it does not swallow me whole.
I will trust him and
     wrap myself in his
     steady presence.
But I know it will
     not be enough.
It will leave its' own cry.
His steadiness falters
     with this protest.
He fears I may be right.
He wants to protect me
     from that familiar cry.
He wants to run,
     but does not.
He wrestles briefly
     with his own darkness.
Words escape me and
     I assure him of my strength.
Of my willing participation
   in this space.
He knows I am accepting this gift of presence,
     but his fear tells me
     he believes me when
     I say, "It won't be enough."
That I know only love will heal this ache.
For when the wailing escapes full force,
   I will need skin on skin
     arms and legs wrapped in another........
The healing touch that comes
    from knowing where one ends
     and the other begins.
This sacrifice is one
     he cannot offer
     and I cannot accept.
Love will be the ultimate
     healing
and this cave only holds
unrequited love.
Yet we stand in the cave together
          Unmoving for now.

First it was me
Then it was we
And we became us.
In a blink it became I.
I became the other woman.
Once the object of your affection
Now just an object
An object receiving your silent rejection.
She suddenly became the future me.
The story of we.
Stealing our us.
A different kind of silence for her.
One of omission
A blanket of protection
One that kept you from feeling her rejection.
That omission of us
The love we shared
Made me the other
Now a pure love that I had for you
Became ***** and tainted
A secret to be kept.
I became the other woman
With no rights to reach out
No expectations allowed
I had to wait and wonder
While you pondered your quest
I was left alone with questions
I was left to manage all the unknowns
She became the conversation
The object of your focus
Not excluded
Left in the dark
Alone.
She became me
And I became the other woman.
Grieving alone
A secret

Swimming in this salty sea
Stings wounds to life
Once buried deep inside
Now living at the surface
Open and exposed
They taunt me
I am covered in grief
I taste it on my lips
I'm desperate to escape.
Its' vastness frightens me
Panic rises up from the sea's floor
Gripping me
I move to quickly
And become tangled in its' embrace
The saltiness on my tongue
Steals my breath
And drowns my voice
It wouldn't matter if the scream
Escaped though
Because no one is there to hear my cry.
This sea is my life
And I am swimming in it alone.

I reached for you and
found an empty shell.
When I called out
the echo of my loneliness
called back at me.
I searched and
could not find your shadow
in the darkness.
I cried alone.

Oh sea,
how you shine with the moon
Dancing in rhythm but never touching
For the moon does not belong to you
He must chase sunlit skies and
Light dark corners
Yet he will return and you can dance
Again in the beauty of twinship.

From midnight to morning
Words come with no warning
They eack and they squeak
They beg to speak
There's poems and stories
And all sorts of glories
There’s worries and cares
And waves of despairs
There’s love and ache
And fear of heart break
The thoughts in my head
Beg to be read
These valuable words
Want to be heard
But as the clock ticks and tocks
I lay still like a rock
And as if there’s no warning
Midnight becomes morning
I wake from my slumber
And always wonder
Why words that haunted my night
slip away at first light.

"All things end." Rolls arrogantly
off your lips.
I know. Reply yes.
But silently think....
"All things do not have the same ending."
I'll ponder the end of a day
when the moon chases the sun from its' sky.
Some will find rest at the end of that day
while others will find restlessness.
Yes, days end, but the end is not
the same for all.
My mind will drift to the end of innocence.
For some this will be a welcomed
end.
But what about innocence stolen
by the perverted desires of a
trusted love one?
What will that ending bring?
Then there is the end of life.
Maybe it is a life lived full with
Love, loss, and laughter
and the remembrance
of time shared gently caresses the
salt stained cheeks of the ones left behind.
Now see a young girl watching
her mother drift into the grave
as the child's dead brother is buried.
A young child's life
cut short
and a mother's heart broken
leaving behind an empty shell.
The end of life.
The end of a Mother's presence.
The end of a family as once known.
Endings with impact
felt yet not revealed for years to come.
Then there are the endings
Without beginnings.
The dream of loving fully and being loved
unfulfilled, incomplete.
And desires for a forbidden love
only fulfilled through fantasy
Until one day
reality steals the dream
and another ending comes to pass.
So be careful when you say,
"All things end."
For all things do not
have the same ending.

The wind whispers
"Come make sweet love"
The cicadas sing
"Come make sweet love"
The birds beckon
"Come make sweet love"
My gypsy soul calls
"Come fill me with your love."

Somewhere our souls danced
across the sands of time.
Torn apart like star crossed lovers.
Destined to travel time...
Looking into the hollow eyes of
falls lovers.
Searching for memories.
Humanity penning false narratives
and painting fairytale landscapes...
Attempting to deceive the soul.
And our souls wept until the waves
of pain and grief were lost in a kiss
And a secret between souls was shared...
"Do you remember?"