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 Aug 2018 Kay Fischbach
Melissa S
Dream of me
I am real...
I am where smiles are made
and tears fade away
Where hope springs forth
Away from the darkness
of the earth

I am the glow of the moon
and all the stars in the sky
those who seek the light
shall have me as their guide

I am the red bird or butterfly you see
Just keep your eyes open... to find me
I am where tomorrow is coming
and hope always holds on
My darling
I am never truly gone....❤
I have been dreaming of my mother lately and do not want to wake up because it feels so real and I miss her so. I wrote this from her perspective writing to me
 Aug 2018 Kay Fischbach
Benjamin
Gracious god, I Am
handcuffed to the bed
(white wine and
cigarettes)—
I will not forgive regrets.

This hornet’s nest, a home—
I choke on church bells,
starved of faith—
an empty sternum, bellyache.

Among the living dead,
I speak the language:
“Let me in!”
But I cannot betray my sin.
,how do you know when
(a human is too broken?)




<•>

human too broken?

like the light bulb, removal from its fixture, a simple shaking revelation of the tinkling filament spent, something that cannot be repaired, the only option is replacement and that makes
you cry

the empty box of oatmeal raisin cookies, you find secret’d,
hid by you, not to be found by you
at the bottom of the kitchen garbage,
but box betrayal, by the chartreuse tipped box lid sided
peeking upwards, asking, silencing screaming,
what did I do to deserve
this degrading

like the blouse now too tight that it brings stares as the buttons strain, unwelcome attention unintended,
you know it but still pretend not to see,
for you both once loved that silky guise that so
heightened the high tender, the match of your pink rose skin letting, no! making
your eyes glisten, like broken filament glass, on the sidewalk,
recalling the pleasured admiration,
rain remembered from the
prior priority of a life consisting of only
perfect gifts

so mean revert to the poseur question; this is how...

remove the human from a fixed place, whimpering-threatened,
you may hear clear the crackle cackling  of the innard shards against the misperception of a body intact,
even if you do,
no repair service you want,  can be found, see it nowhere,
is it even
anywhere advertised?

the body presumed intact is secret’d under a tactile coverlet,
holey scupperrd holy cuttered
so that the cells and bicuspids, the threads
no longer function in a tandem,
you keep it in the closet closed,
in the back, deep hid, where,
when it screams why,
it can be safe ignored,
because  ‘betrayed’ is no longer a word,
in your globe's dictionary,
the parental controls activated by you to
save your own inner child’s unconstrained confusion,
it has been removed


so the broken glass, the clothes you dressed each other,
if not weep-well,
well enough hid,
the fit is off,
the fit is off,
the coverlet ripped so bad and neither cares
an unexpected poem, unplanned, needing work
aug 4-5
Do you ask yourself , like me ?
When will your obssesions leave you be ?

Will time ever stop so you can truly be free ?

Once again i am all by myself , facing the sea

the city is empty

I am leaking thoughts
Trying to make sense of the man i have become

I try to focus but i keep drifting away

The city is empty

There is a conflict inside of me full of sway
Lost in the thought of the voice i must obey
Far beyond myself, it is the only way to keep at bay

I let go as i fade away

In the background the echo of a queen made of clay: pray my son! You must pray!


Words Of Harfouchism
I too , just like you ,wait for what inspires me.
For if i write , i am consciously taking the responsibility,
To offer leisure activity , and a lesson.
Adaptable to every person , who has a burden ,
Or not
Doesn't matter , because i hit the right spot.

It is a self healing method i earned,
Long ago , i learned not to be concerned
Because,
Energy can neither be created nor destroyed , only transformed.

We are patterned.

Shift your fixation.
Love is attitude and behavior.
You don't need a savior.


Words Of Harfouchism
Thoughts and opinions are appreciated . Thanks
 Apr 2018 Kay Fischbach
Nobody
Its called manic depression.

When im riding that beautiful and fierce high, it feels like nothing will ever stop me. As if nobody could drop me fore i was floating away in the stars where nobody can touch me.

But atlas, we must all abide by the law of phsyics, every humans greatest weakness.  we all know the dreded saying, "Once something goes up, it must always come down."

I never know what causes me to fall, it could be a word; to a voice. A phrase; to a smile. A song; to laugh. Nothing; to a smell.
Its this free fall into a never ending abyuss of hopelessness. Things that made me happy just moments ago, push me farther down below.

There is no fighting it, its not as simple as reaching my hands out and asking for help. Im binded together by my hands and feet, with a thick layer of duck tape covering my lips. Striping me of my dignity.

Its a constant struggle, suicidal tendencies reep across the corner, ready to pounce.
But somehow I manage to keep myself alive.
Somehow im still here.
Ive grown attached to loneliness.
this is a tale
of two star-crossed lovers
with a love so powerful
they tainted the heavens
with bursts of colours

they were never meant to be;
mischievous little kids
finding love in sinful glee
in laughter, between dreams and reality

and though it was lawless,
they found solace
because in every prison,
they found a rhyme and a reason

but even for a love so great,
they could not escape
the fates’ wrath and envy

destiny pulled on their threads
cut them loose, thrusted them into misery;
for their memories were wiped clean,
but feelings remained as strong as they had ever been

the boy exiled in a far off land
across the pacific sea
the girl trapped in her need to break free
in a realm both boring and bland

ensnared in a labyrinth of woe
the lovers yearned for anything—
for something, for someone,
to obliterate this endless longing

the gods answered them
in the form of two loved ones
polished in every edge,
a perfect someone

but perfect felt too perfect
and not perfect enough
to fill up the hole
left by a perfectly imperfect

until one day the gods whispered
for the winds to push the two
and the birds to tug at their sleeves
over mountain and sea
even through the darkest valley
so their paths would finally meet

and so they did.

in the flurry of a moment
a pair of brown eyes met
and time was frozen
once more

the two stared intently
as if remembering a broken melody
a lost childhood song
branded as a wrong

the birds fluttered and flew
taking the cursed red fibre
snipped them in two
and the lovers felt all the lighter

it was the girl who spoke first:
“**** the stars.
i don’t want perfect,
i want you.”


eyes dazzling, the boy nodded:
“we’ll invert the universe—
the night sky a blank white
the stars pitch black
the earth moving in reverse”


the fates saw and surrendered
as the stars began to wither
for this love is love
in all its splendor

so the lovers walked away with a promise
under their breaths, they both swore:
“i lost you once,
but nevermore.”



they say no one can rewrite the stars,
so i propose we orchestrate supernovas.
"You know.. I love you since probably 5 years."

I played a bit too much that day,
not like I didn't love you back
I just wasn't sure if this is right.

"I don't know.. Love is such a powerful word."

I hurt you so much that day,
not like you didn't won my heart
I just couldn't love myself.

"Its okay, I know that I'll never love someone that much ever again."

I regret this day
not the choice I've made
I couldn't handle my own mind.

"I don't want to hurt you more than I already did."

I was your first big love
and I hurt you so much
That you're now playing with innocent hearts.
I'm sorry.
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