The feel of your fingertips on my hair sends sparks through my mind and soul.
Didn't I ever tell you never to do that in class?

The days are starting to be beautiful again.
I honestly can not recall the last time I enjoyed a sunset, and at that I can laugh.
Can you close your eyes and feel the rays of Mississippi sun seeping into the earth?
Just, take a moment to discover an animal or a flower in those white bundles of clouds that hang above our heads.
This world is beautiful. As a “poet," we can find beauty in almost anything and if that isn't beautiful then I honestly do not know what is. And there is a place in my heart that is forever filled with pity for those who will never have this experience.

IT IS NOT OKAY TO MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BLONDE HAIR, GRAY EYES, AND FOREHEAD KISSES AND THEN NEVER TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN.

The ghost that I used to
call my friends ran from
their home in my closet
only to tear me apart with
their truth,
my life is a disaster,
an earthquake waiting to
happen.
His smile built me up like
the Eifel Tower and his
words slashed my face
with a knife,
tell me why I gave satan
another chance?
My life is spiraling out
of control, and
there is not enough
beauty to prostrate.

We were young and reckless
You and I were never meant to make it this far..
I was always ****** to hell, but not you.
Honey, you were sweeter than any angel.
Hell bound are we both, strapped in for the ride.

I don't love you anymore.
There, I've said it aloud.
I understand babe, you love her
and I am truly happy, truly I am happy.
Listen, I do not love you anymore.

Life has came by and swept my
bones back in place, my skeleton
complete without a heart.
It lays o'er there in a cage, ready
to be given to someone else.
I don't love you anymore.

I laugh because not a drop
of guilt forsakes me.
It is you! You should feel guilty!
No, not guilty, but honored
For I have written countless
poems describing us.
Yes, us.

But I do not ******* love you any longer.

If that glass fell from this table,
it would break.
A piece will fall here, and maybe
there..
When he takes his blunt scissors to
his wide ruled paper, a physical change
is now permanent. Never will
it be a whole piece ever again.
When I allowed myself to fall
wrongly in love with a demon,
my soul would be nevermore.
It is as if I fell from that wooden
table, shattering into millions
of pieces.
In fact, my body was cut in half
with his kindergarten scissors.
My lesson was learned to
late.
I was manipulated by a demon.
A foolish child,
Forever a fool.

The whole world stopped
when you took your first
breath.

How did I give you all this power over me?
Clearly I did not mean to.
I am not my own person anymore, who am I?
My life slipped through my slender fingers, my only hope was for you to catch me.
I was let down not once but several times, your “power" twisting my bitter soul.
What must I do for you to see?
I picked up your habits, your drugs are killing me inside and out.
I never enjoyed the lighting of cancerous cigarettes until one hang from your mouth.
I lack power, the only quality you seem never to loose.
Maybe I am just weak
A weak, dying speckle of dust from your shoes, but drink me up and spit me out, only will I crawl back to you.
May I blame it on power?

Your way too skinny
skinny jeans and converse
walked
into the band hall
holding that shiny sax
and from that moment,
I knew it was all over.

I do not approve of you
Poisoning my body, yet
I leave your cigarette in
My mouth, the taste of
Red lipstick sliding around
My tongue.
Your scent is
Caught in my smoke now,
If only you would breathe
Us in.
Red was never your color,
Excuse my mouth dear, allow
Me to remove the horrid
Color from your lips.
A mistake, for now skin and
Flesh are forever intertwined
Between us.
Kiss me, kiss me until I
Forget that I'm dying
Inside, babe.
Silk and satin slide within our
Love.
Never going any further into
Regret, I behold your lovely
Eyes.
Our gazes can continue for hours
Without end, always caught in
Our own world.
Their fantasy is our reality.
Allow me one last kiss,
Allow me to gaze into your
Eyes and see my entire life.
Let me study the curves of
Your lips and the way they
Move with mine.
Permit me to lean in to you,
Slowly but surely to meet
Your kiss.
My tongue wants nothing more
Than to trace the inside of
Your cheeks, your tongue..
We have resulted in my hovering
Over your itty bitty frame,
But do not fret, love. I will not
Hurt you.
I only will love you

I look at you and see a
Thousand years of happiness.
I can see laughter in the
Wrinkles of your mouth
That you once used to smile
At me, always showing
Those pearly white teeth.

Every brittle bone in my
Inhuman body shakes with
The sight of you.
This is just so odd, loving you.
My tears mean not a **** thing
When I bump into you at 8 o'clock,
Not a **** thing.

You can make the sadness
Of my cold heart disappear
Without trying and you should
Know.

Never will I have such emotions
For anyone else, nor do I want to.
That life filled flower only
Opens once inside these ribs.

Me and you, a story from
Television I suppose. I was
A princess who lost her prince.
My happy ending lost
Somewhere in the cold,
Winter air.

My love lives.
You had my heart in your hands only to rip it to pieces.
My love lives.
You moved on, still I have not.
My love lives.
I have never seen you smile as much as you do with her.
My love lives.
I do not want to move on because
My love lives.
It kills me to see you so happy, yet my love lives.
My love… For you.. It lives only to find my heart dead.

Two birds flying in the sky,
fly, fly high.
To stars sparkling in the night,
sparkle, sparkle bright.
Two diamonds in the ground,
dazzle, dazzle for life.
Two colors, one red one blue,
show your pride!
All hail the mighty hue!
Two hearts, two beats, a different song.
Two minds, two  precious minds...
But just as the sun rises, it must set. Just as the day starts, it must have an end. Two young children, humble souls they were. A star in their mother's sky. Their memories will never leave us, and we shall never forget. Bud and Quan will never die.

I've cried so many tears, their home is my face
For my cheeks wreak of the salty drops.
I told myself that I am done with crying, **** the
World and its sadness, but yet again here I am.

Hell is home as the year has gone by,
I repeat, hell is my home.
Black and gray
White and brown, my sadness has a mind
Of its own.
My skin, as dim as it is
Burns a memory in fire's eyes.
Strands of black hair dwindle
Down my face, catching in the
Frown that lays permanent on
My lips.
Dim, dim, dim
This light burns no more.
This light, it burns no more.

Her time was up awhile ago.
She told herself that everything
Get's better for everyone else's
Sake and crying herself to sleep was
The only way to go. The poor girl
Found a bottle of cold medicine in
The medicine cabinet.
The label read: take as directed.
The only thing she saw was a way
Out. To her dismay she lived.

Here I go, another poem for you. I don't think my lesson will ever be learned
How long has it been since you didn't love me? 1 month? 3 months? A year?
Maybe you did love me, but I was always to scared to ask and you were too
Tough to tell me.. I realize it's to late now
Your girl is beautiful. She should be told.
I can tell that she loves you. Just like I once did..
I think it's funny how I went from wanting to **** every fiber of your body
To not giving a **** about what you do.  
Now I won't say I don't love you anymore because I don't know if I do
But I do know you are the one who missed out and there's no getting
Me back.

Derpression is slowly creeping back into my system and I do not know how to stop it. Lord, please help me.

My apartment no longer holds the same meaning in my young heart as it once did.
I can no longer find peace in this foreign place, for an intruder has well, intruded.
My things are no longer mine they are ours as I now hate to put it.
I no longer feel safe! I stay awake at night praying to dear God, keep all evil away from me!!
Destroy these thoughts of ****** and suicide that have now taken over my mind!
He could force his self onto me just because he wants to!!
I am only a young adult, my life has not yet began.
He has a dagger, hands itching to slit my throat!
Please, I have much more words that yearn to be written, and if it just so happens that I can officially be deemed as a poet, well I must live to see that.

Do you know how many times (I) have cried over you?
I should be asleep at 2 am, not writing (*******) poetry for you.
I can not tell you how much I (hate) that I love you.
Why can't I forget (you)?

The clock strikes 3:30 and the pit behind the school opens.
We feast on the smell of burning skin and sunscreen.
There is chaos as instruments are strewn across the back room,
No exits and the doors are blocked.
My eyes slide past his but I'm too burned out to care.
Freshmen are the worst,
Insisting on acting as if
They are four year olds.
Not a second late, for Whit is never late.
I have lost feeling in my legs
Still I have perfect
Technique just as he does. Water.
Water does not have an existence in this world.
Heat and sun have taken over.
Our tuba players have given up,
There they lay down in the burning
Grass. He never complains.
As I'm close to my breaking point,
Air no longer passes my
Lips and not one note escapes my keys.
The perfect string of notes and rhythm
Sound from my left. He never missed
A note.
March it back,
March it back,
March it back sixteen counts.
An endless routine.
Opening set.
These single words are bitter sweet.
In ten minutes I am free to go home
And write poetry about him.

I am so happy. Don't you her me as I "laugh out loud?"
I have a headache from smiling all day.
I love people so much, look at them as they pick up and throw my things.
They are super adorable. I just adore you.
I am so happy.
I am.
I am so..
Happy.

I am not the pristine thing you have made me out to be.
I have sinned, do you disown me?
No,
I am full of lust. Still I remain untouched, that does not mean I want to be.
I have seen things you wouldn't want me to. The human body does not remain a mystery to me.
Yet I can write of love and the making of it as if I am not in fact a
******.

Music is peaceful, a combination of beats and melodies, yet I can not live without it. I am sorry that it consumes my life, for these bands are the only thing I have. I apologize for the lyrics and hums that escape my tongue every second of the day. Please forgive me, music is like alcohol and I am the alcoholic. I know how to recite hundreds of songs, but I can not remember how to keep our friendship. Do not be mad at me; Tyler and Joshua have helped me so much. Their music gave me this smile that lays on my lips, not you.

Being dead doesn't seem so bad..
Silence.
Numbness.
Struggling to live a satisfying life; now that is what cuts me into a thousand little pieces.

Clocks are nothing but ticks and tocks strutting through the day
As with the birds fluttering to and fro.
Sunsets, ah such a beautiful thing to witness. A
Rainbow running across the Earth never ending,
Or the colors thrown off the rain after a rain shower.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee in the coffee shop,
Perspiration trickling down your neck as the attractive man
Pours you a cup.
Children are golden, but never will it last. Therefore, never
Forget that pretty little boy who picked you a flower from the
Playground; one day in the fast approaching future he will not
Remember your appreciative smile. This planet, it moves around
And around and the sun, it goes down and down and it goes down..
Tomorrow is today and yesterday never happened.

I want to be that feeling of urgency you need to let go before you go insane. The slither of hope intensifies as a ****** is almost reached.  Blood escapes my tongue as I fight not scream, for no one knows of us. Closer, closer I need you! Can you not see the arch in my limber back? The shivers my spine send when your lips meet the skin at my thighs? Continue to climb me, further into me, I need your release inside my body making us one.

I'm not a "girlie girl" I do not like dirt and grass kicked in my face
I am not allergic to cologne but please do not wash it down my throat,
it's poison. Why must they scream in my ears? Honestly, it's abuse.
The doors, only one opens; therefore, it's chaotic. No one has the slightest
clue of what manners are. The ******* heat. It could give one a stroke, still I continue.
I can live with everyone making me feel as if I am not intelligent but
I refuse to live with you. I have decided to cut your presence out from my life, metaphorically for you don't seem to ever leave.
I just want to get away from you!! You are toxic to my system and
I want to be healthy. Oh! But I hate to loose you all the same!
Isn't this a mess? Devine chaos at it's finest. But yes, she makes me feel like **** for being human. My thoughts and feelings won't seem to go away! I don't know how to stop injecting the drug into my veins. Make it stop.. Make him stop.

Is it still considered crying if the tears never escape my eyes?
Can I still be sad even if I smiled three seconds ago?

Could you spit in my face one more time or kick me in the gut so I can know I am still alive
I almost miss the dirt your shoes left on my face.
Lay your hand on my cheek then rip the flesh from my bones
Tie my arms behind my back and leave me to cry salty tears, just like you used to.

I loved the smell of salt as you poured it onto my open wounds and the feel of myself burning as you lit my heart on fire.

School for me is drawing nearer by the hour..
The ticks from the clock on my wall seem as
if they have been screaming at me with every
second that has passed. My anxiety has been
creeping back onto my body with thoughts
of tomorrow. I can't recall the last time a thought
wasn't filled with worries of possible things
that could happen, setting me up for a disastrous
year. I took this summer to make an attempt to
make myself mentally and emotionally healthier,
doing everything possible to make myself happy.
I needed to be happy with myself and my life.
School does nothing but provides stress,
damages my self esteem, and feeds my anxiety.
The only thing keeping
me going is the promise of graduating in three
short years.

Moving on isn't as easy as everyone might think.
As much as you try to, a part of you will not let go
of that little piece of hope. You might know that
it's useless and that you're wasting your time; however,
You can't help yourself. Your mind refuses to let
go of the past yet you are terrified of the future.
Maybe the one you lost has already moved on, still
emotions stay the same. No matter what you do
or what you say, deep down you know that not a
**** thing has changed. You hurt when you see
him or her happy but will not do anything about
it. Why would you?  You accept that this is how
it's going to have to be and you live with it
because that's what you know how to do.

I've heard of  having the pleasure
of finding your true love. They say
nothing else matters to you once your
eyes meet. The songs say that you
would do anything to have the presence
of your soul mate with you.
The movies show two halves becoming
a whole.
Reality isn't so poetic. The movies
and songs didn't inform me of the
negative sides of love.
They didn't tell me how bad it
would continuously hurt if you
lost the one you thought you loved.
My favorite quote doesn't
relate to how ****** I feel a night
when I know he is just fine.
Or maybe I'm too young to know of
love. Whatever it is, it hurts just
the same.

I had to last a week with my personal satan.
Hell on earth, the only thing life was lacking
was the burning pit.

His smile is contagious
his laugh unforgettable,
his personality unbeatable.
The stars do not compare
to his beauty, the beating
of the waves on the beach
have nothing on the thrill
he gives my heart.
My lips smile like a
fools' at the sight of
him. It's not love,
but infatuation still, my
emotions refuse to
differentiate. When
I was a little girl, I'd say
he gave me butterflies
But now as I'm older,
I can say those butterflies
have turned into gigantic
butterflies that feed on
my sanity. I have
all but confessed my
unyielding love upon him.
I pray to God he can't
read  my mind for I
would dig a six foot
hole to bury myself.

I used to compare you
to the music that I couldn't
live without.
Your words, sweeter than
any melody, could save me.
I never gave any thought
of how I could adore
someone I barely knew
so much, nor did I care.
With the slightest touch
of my body, I was yours.
How I wish it wasn't so,
for you slipped away.
I can feel the ache of
my tattered heart as
it pounds in my ribcage
reminding me of the
ache that doesn't seem
to go away.
I sought to find a drug
to erase all evidence
of you, to relieve me
from this hell.
I prayed for it all
just to have been in my
head, my imagination
going out of control.
The tears that fight
to escape are the only
physical evidence
that prove that the
past year was indeed
real and was not
a product of my
vivid imagination.
I have been ******
to live without knowing
what could have been.
Maybe nothing would
be different at all and
you still wouldn't give
a **** about me.
I realize how great the
chance is of the same
outcome, yet I can't
help but to break
inside when I see
you happy and with
someone. So, *******.
You have so much
power over me and
you don't even have
the slightest clue.

She's come to terms of what she is. A *****.
Not in the sense of sleeping with an abundance
Of men, no I should explain..
Once she was asked try marijuana but said, 'no I prefer *******'
Then preceded to light a cigarette.  
Her mom told her not to be peer pressured by her friends and that
No is a complete sentence. They asked her to have a beer
But her answer was 'no, I already had a glass of ***** before I came'
Whilst she opened up a wine cooler.
'If you aren't ready, I won't make you.'
Said the nineteen year old guy she was in
Bed with. He had no protection but she
Unbuttoned her shirt, proceeding to ******
Him. This boy.. He wasn't her boyfriend, he was five
Years older than her. But surely that wasn't the problem-
Her girlfriend was waiting in the car. That doesn't
Make her a *****. This was the first time she's ever
Slept with anyone...

A ***** corrupts the world around her whether she knows it
Or not.. Her life is a game; played with the highest of stakes.
First she will corrupt her mind.. Her body.. Her social life.
But it's okay, she says. No one cares about a *****.

This being has always
been my refuge. My brittle
mind was never worth a penny.
But a token she had given me.
As of now, I would be lucky
to see a strand of her brown locks.
 
Maybe it is wrong of me
to expect so much out of
one little person. Who am
I to ask someone to care.
I'd never tell even a muted
ear of my broken soul. In
all of honesty, death does not
seem that horrible, not as
terrifying as they make it
seem.
   
I think I am strong
enough to end it all now.
For months my refuge veered me
off of this course, but she
has left me defenseless against
the monsters, my monsters.

I feel bad for all the books in libraries and in stores that never get picked up. No matter how extraordinary the literature is in between those covers, there is always a better choice or book that gets chosen. I wonder how does the author feel when thousands of copies of one of their books are published, but not all are picked up off the shelf to be taken home to enjoy. It saddens me when I think of all the brilliance being wasted.

They say that family is always there for you
But is that so?
They say that blood is thicker than water
Is that even true?
All friendships have an end whether you know it or not
They say.
Family. The only thing you can count on...
I call *******.