Forget the risks
Cut the wrists
Take the fall
If that's what it takes,
just end it all.

i should have read the contract
before dating you
before loving you
before you
if i had read your terms and conditions
          -*** whenever i need it, your feelings aside
         - put up with my delicate ego, but allow me to slowly shatter
                    every ounce of your self-worth
          -you must not say or do anything more intelligent than I or
                    you have given grounds to publicly humiliate you
          -do not touch my fragile masculinity
          -i am permitted to treat you as inferior to myself

if i had read the fine print
then maybe i wouldn’t have signed four years of my life away

When I'm gone what will you do
Who will write and draw for you?
Someone smarter- Someone new
Someone Better- Maybe YOU!!!

I'll draw you a picture
I'll draw it with a twist
I'll draw it with a razor
I'll draw it on my wrist
If I do it correctly
A red fountain will appear
To take away my pain
To wash away my fear

My name is Ashly (yes spelled without
the E)
I was born without a windpipe and was 3 months premature.
I underwent surgery for a tracheostomy and died on the operating table.
I was revived.
I was hooked up to many machines and my parents were told I wouldn’t live for more then 3 days...
If I would survive more then 3 days I would be hooked up to machines my whole life and be in a “vegetative state”
Doctors told my parents and family “I would never live to see my 18th birthday.”
I lived in the hospital for almost 2 years.
At age 2, I myself, ripped out my tracheostomy (which could have killed me)
My family rushed me to children’s hospital and the doctors decided to let the hole in my neck close and see what happens.
My doctors don’t know how I made it through the night or days after.
I went home after a couple weeks and that’s when I started living my life as a “normal” child.
All of my sisters were involved in dance classes, my parents( doctors didn’t agree) enrolled me in to classes.
        THATS WHERE MY LIFE CHANGED
Dance became my passion, along with gymnastics and musical theatre.
Something my family, doctors or even myself never thought I would EVER do.
On my 18th birthday it was a mixture of emotions.
I made a milestone that no one said I would ever see.
I competed in dance and gymnastics until I was 19 years of age as well as did over 60 musicals at my local theatre company.
I never thought I would ever have a boy love me because I had “too many problems” or even get married for that matter.
Fast forward, I am now almost 33 ( June .11th is my birthday)
Married for almost 8 years to my best friend.
Happy doesn’t even cover what I feel everyday waking up next to my love.
We may not have a “family” of our own but we are happy and in love over the moon with one another.

So why did I just ramble on with this?
Because I’m a MIRACLE and a SURVIVOR.
Even though I don’t remember much from my childhood and what I and my family had to endure, I have been fighter since my first breath.

I’M A SURVIVOR and I’VE MADE IT....

He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come

(read forward, then backward, line by line)

I ran.
Not knowing what else to do
There was so much blood on my hands
It was mine
The kitchen knife
Caught in my chest
Guilt
Consumed by
Fear
I was heightened by
Adrenaline
But running on
Wasn’t enough
While trying to stay calm,
Losing control
It was me that would end up
Dead. Because
He was
In front of me
The whole time
It was too late
Trapped
I found myself
Locked in chains
My fate was
Death.

If I could turn back time
I would hit Backspace all day,
Id put on Caps Lock
and SHOUT what I say.

I'd use the whole Alphabet
To tell you hello,
Press seven Numbers
Til you picked up the phone.

I'd Tab through the comments
I didn't want to hear,
And use the Arrow Keys
To drag your body near.

I would Delete the harsh words
I didn't mean to speak,
And Insert the "I love yous"
I before couldn't leak.

I would use Ctrl to
Keep reigns over my heart,
And I would Escape lies
That tore us apart.

I'd Print out your photo
And kiss it goodnight,
Use the Calculator
To check that we were right.

I'd Paint you a picture
of us, you and me,
Then I'd hit Enter
Just so you would see.

Those are the things
I would do in my strife,
If only Backspace
worked in real life.

Hey
I say

Two hours later
Or maybe even more
You reply
You say
I was busy
I say ok
We talk for maybe thirty mins
Then once again
You say you have to go

Where have you been going?
That's what I wanna ask
But I don't wanna be one of those clingy *** girlfriends
That no one wants

But that's who I am
So why don't I show it?
Because I mean I already have
But even so I still try to hide it

But please
Tell me why
And tell me where
You have been going
Cause you have been distant lately

Youre getting
Further
And further
And further
Away

We used to hang out almost every day
But it was two weeks before friday
So how long will the wait be
This time?

It's already been two days
Which isn't bad
But the longer I wait
The more I get sad
Because the longer I wait
The more I feel you will leave
And find someone better
And I'll never know where you met her

Distant
So
So
So
Distant
But why?

You told me yesterday
And since then all I wanna do is cry

Because it's my fault
And now I don't know how to fix it
So im sorry
But im breaking my promise
Cause the only thing that'll make me calm
Is the splitting of skin
And the smell of sin
As blood drips down along and around my wrist

Along with every forgotten wish

I say
Sorry

I get no reply
Because you're busy

One day
I'll saygoodbye
But once again
I'll get no reply
And you'll be too late