He does not give me butterflies

Anymore.

No, the feeling he gives me in my stomach,

It stings.

Drip Drop Drink
Oh fill my glass to the
Brink!

Drip Drop Drink
Why does this elixir prohibit me to  
think?

Drip Drop Drink
Why does this cause all my thoughts to
Shrink?

Drip Drop Drink
I take another sip and gradually
Sink.

Drip Drop Drink
My pen desperately tries to regurgitate  
ink.

Drip Drop Drank
My thoughts have becoming teasingly
blank

Drip Drop Done
I will never be his only
one.

This is when I turn to rock, emotions mold to stone. I could never give you my heart, for its not my own.

I drift away with regret, I know I let you down. I cant take back the things I think, when your not around.

I feel it pulling in my chest, rise up and come to tears. I took a chance to make this work, and it ended with my fears.

I disapear now like the wind, I fade into the trees. You think I will forget you fast, but pain is hard to ease.

Dont look back and see me, a shadow of who you once knew, for I was never fully here. I make it look so easy, but the scars are always there.

You want to take the wings I've earned, I sense it beyond your touch. You wrapped your hand around my throat, and it become too much.

You think that you're the only man, to ask of me what you do. But in reality, there have been countless before you.

I pace this room to ease your pain, it sinks within my skin. Another scar from your heartache burns. So much to say, I can't begin.

I count the scars on my flesh, the hearts I've had and lost. You look at me like I'm the monster, but never ask the cost.

Everything is always winding,
   Turning into
Something unknown.
Ending up      
                    In a different place.
I've almost forgotten where I started for a moment.

Uncertainty has always been a burden.
The unknown leaves me searching.

Cards
            Palms
                       Omens
                                     Dreams.

That part always gets me..
  Fortune teller of fantasy in flowing skirts of rainbow fabric.

I laugh so brightly it sometimes hurts.

Promise not to   let the room
    Go dark.

I could get lost in its   e  n  d l e s s
Void.

***** intuition, sensing visitors in the night.

Uncertainty is a spiteful villain.
However the stars
       say fate  can be just as cruel.

Even the moon shines spooky tonight.
Clouds a light hue of eerie yellow.

A change is coming,
I can feel it as certain as the breeze.

Lips pressed red and time fading no slower then before.

My cheeks flushed pink from wine.

But I so stupidly miss you.

This change I feel in the very tips of my fingers and it whirls about the air around me.

It's coming... I don't know what...
But I've already gotten lost in the possibilities.

I wonder if I could just let myself shine.

But you see, I hold back all my light.

Always being fearful, that I would shine to bright.

If I could linger in a moment long enough to find,  where it is along the way... That I lost my mind.

If I could dance across the endless sky, wrap the wind around me in a tight embrace.. Maybe I could be complete in that time and space.

If I could find a loving soul, then maybe the magic walls would fade.

If I only could for once, find shelter in a home that I have made.

If I could count the endless stars in the night, and let the light alter my view..

If I could just let it all go, and fall in love with you.

She's carrying around heartache,
It's tucked deep into her pockets.
It's heavy weight causing her to stumble.

That light up ahead is for her.
But insecurity causes doubt.
Whispering oh so softly her name.

Others fogged perception forces her to scream.

But all they hear is noise.

Not the heart bursting forth.

Not the over flow of sorrow she sometimes can't contain.

The light still shines bright.
All her beautiful soul has to do..

Is pick up her head from her knees,
and empty her pockets.

He said he caught himself thinking of my long legs when I was absent.

I froze...Silent and annoyed...

Perhaps he was over confidant when he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

I slapped him.

It made me feel cheap so I lit a cigarette. I inhaled deeply watching the smoke swirl... if I could just fade away with it.

Lights to bright and sounds that burst. My head hurts...I flick my ash.

Now he's frozen...just watching me.

Perverts and nicotine have the same stench. Both a bad habit I need to quit.

I drowned once in the bottom of a bottle.

The infinite possibilities weighing over me, endless as the sky.

But he beat me..

So I prayed for strength.

I drowned twice in the bottom of a bottle.

Regret a heavy burden.

All the things I could have done, counting the casualties of my blindness.

I drowned three times in the bottom of a bottle.

Rock bottom never hurt so bad.

Realizing fairy tales don't come true.
No prince can slay my demons.

I surfaced when I realized,
That I must free myself.

Now I count my days and still I pray for strength.