in this headspace i cling to sanity
i want to give into weakness
& return to the comfort that choked me at night,
throw my arms around despair
& dance with the devil,
gripping on his aged old wings
that fallen with him as he sinned,

we were not supposed to end like this..

mayhap if my eyes grind on your inner fears
i could passionately spare you the fate,
of our inevitable end?

my mind caresses our goodbye
& converts it into heartfelt kisses of forgiveness,
i know this is a meritless fantasy
picking apples from that forbidden tree,
i entertain the idea of intertwined hearts again

what am I supposed to do when i'm left clueless?
digging deeper holes in hope
got dang it i burn for our return,
but our love is scrambled puzzles

look at me, rambling again & again
when will this agony of love end?

It’s been so long since words melted from my finger tips,
I’d forgotten the passion of words as I became worn,
worn down by a passionless love,
profoundly I’m willing to grow again,
and remember my soul once (again),
how could I have forgotten what it meant to write?
foolish me thinking love could merit,
and turn me away from such a miserable fate,
I am finding happiness and reminding myself to breathe,
fresh air is starting to fill my lungs,
oh how winter approaches but spring still lives in me,
welding my life back together,
I’m finally remembering (me),
someone I plan on never forgetting evermore..

I feel my heart slipping.. into a deep well of grief. My voice feels trapped behind a wall of lies and distortions. Swimming to the truth, I slip in and out of consciousness. Feeling the inevitable demise of my life fall before my eyes. Am I to fold and give up for the fear of drowning or do I soldier on regardless of my fate; at least I fought? In this uncertain revelation of what my decision can cause, I ponder my next move declining to submerge myself in a mirage..

I've acquired growth. So much so that my lips cannot form the words. I am speechless, stuck in a continuous path of change.

I've acquired such loss, yet my eyes see a ray of hope. Light beyond the tunnel, past the bridge.

I've acquired strength. My arms unable to carry the load which my shoulders have grown to handle.

I am no longer the same.

Willing to take risks.

Climb.

Build.

My, have I changed.

I beheld the arms of a fallen babe
it's lifeless breath
inches in this world
and the air has given way
to their undeveloped lungs..

a precious soul
never to know
the sun's skin

as it kisses and darkens,
tints and caresses

gone too soon

never to know of
their mother & father

I beheld a fallen babe

lifeless in my arms
leaving a mother to know
the sorrow
of missing their
..first born..

Shalom

I closed my eyes
&
in return
I
cried

I
lost
my
smile

Even
though
I laughed
out
loud

I crumbled
with no pressure on
my shoulders

Just life called
me to a place
Unknown

Destiny speaks
with muted lips

I'm tangled
in cozy sheets

Fighting

My way,
back to the surface

I'm finally realizing

I'm
tired
of
being
   asleep..