My tears ***** my eyes
As they show great weakness
As if I’ve out turned my insides
They’ve spilled my greatest secrets

My voice shakes and squeaks
As my reason tries to speak
As I try to hide my clear
Red Eyes that still leak

My hands try to hide
My puffed face as I writhe
My pain now so clear
All in vain now I’ve cried

My eyes meet their eyes
As I show all my weakness
My stoic stubborn pride
Shattered in tear shaped pieces

They praised the girl for her quick wit
The girl they never knew
They said she won’t need help one bit
A fight, she’d never lose  

They said the girl spoke like she bit
The girl they thought they knew
They said she won’t run out of quips
A big ego that girl grew

“I’ll not once need help if I’m not weak”
Said the girl they never knew
“I’ll never say when they hurt me,
No matter how I’m bruised”

So that girl, she went to living
Like a false knight off to war
That girl, she hid each of her beatings
The pain, she would ignore

Sure on the surface the girl proved
The words so often said
That she would never once be moved
If insulted or made bled

Yet after every hard beat
She’d hide in rooms to sob
Each time the tears would repeat
She felt so weak and robbed

“They lied to me, those people did
I’m just a plain girl who still cries”
The girl who believed every fib
Every ego boosting lie

They shook their heads, so fast they did
At the girl they never knew
Why did they think that she equipped
The wits to never lose

Everyday I was in my room
Faltered play, not eating food
All these years, thought hidden well
How could you never tell?

hesitation when the day was to start
lessened elation to the arts
All these times, stuck in my shell
How could you never tell?

My messy ways, hair un-groomed
Everyday my stresses loomed
In this pit, so far I’ve fell
Please say to me that you could tell

confusion lit up in your face
The delusion that I’m not okay
Surely, it would ring a bell
What was there ever to tell?

You, my past and my present
You try to help with lonely lessons
You, you **** me and you bleed
Through every vein inside of me

You, my future and my end
You stitch me up with torn back mends
You, you keep my joys unfound
I gotta gut me to end you now

It never will be easy
To get tumours removed
That’s a fact especially  
When that tumour is you

I need to rip off my own flesh
This cyst, this germ, this flu
It’s me, the chronic sickness
That needs to be removed  

I’ll dig you up with sharpened steel
And rip this tumour out
I don’t think I can fully heal
Without killing myself

You, my love and my sorrows
You bleed me out until I’m hollow
You, I’ll never say goodbye  
You’re all I have and I’m all bled dry

You, you’re something I must lose
But you are me and I am you
You, you’re something deep engraved
And I’ll live with you until my grave

She said:
“I’m too tired to help.
I’m too tired to stay
In this room where you weep,
So please, just go away.”

“Find someone else to console,
The aching heart you display;
I’m too drained to help,
So please, just go away.”

“Ok, fine,” I reply.
“I’ll leave your room and let you rest.”
“I’ll let you lie here,” I sigh
“I’ll cry alone, a broken mess.”

She said to me, “I need your help
I’m sad and lonely here, so please
I know how broken you have felt,
But just forget that and help me.

I say, “No. I’m too tired to help.
I’m too tired to stay
In this room where you weep,
So turn around and go away.”

Maybe before, if you were there
If you had held me in your arms
I would soothe your pain, would care
About this thing causing you harm

But you made me too tired to help,
Made me too tired to stay
In this room where you weep,
So take your tears— and go away.

So you’re sad, you vent your day
I listen close and let you say
Your woes, your anger, all your pain
Aren’t you glad I’m here to stay?

The next day I have a try
I start to state my thoughts awry
You chose to look right past my pain
And state your mess despite my cries

You shove your weight all on my back
Your woes drag down, your caring lacks
Up grows my struggle and my pain
I need rest soon or else I’ll crack