my Love was back
now it's gone again

in any path of orbit
Gravity always wins

There was a feeling that found me
in the midst of focus fading
a shimmering within the sun rays
caressing then worn-out skin

something of acceptance
similar to fulfillment
resembling a happiness &
transcending physicality

companionship in the lack of it
whole souls acknowledging
sorrows, the ebb and flow
of the highs and lows

there was for a moment a stillness
a lack of all movement that
cradled the imagery of  
static serenity before me

and as they inevitably faded
there was some comfort in knowing
a part of me forever resides
in the clasp of such experience

A loneliness sought me out again
drunken stupor with tongue of silk
coerced me willfully along
one very treacherous road

tender hand willingly reached
for one poor in spirit
the shackles of melancholy breached-
shattered- from the force of soft caress

in spite of the distance that loomed
there was closeness that bloomed
under the silver moonlight
audible in approving sighs

coalescence of energy, vibrant
colors spreading outward from
a heart and mind once so sure
that they'll only ever see grey

time within a memory
crystallized
and a spark to the kindling
within cold eyes

new warmth circulating
soon to create
a fire to cleanse
frostbitten exterior

but the forces of
nature will *****
out ambitious
flame impartially

and the feeling of fire
fades away with
the smoke, the memory
already one with the weather

&
Now what finds me is the storm

in the rain slouches
the silhouette
of a comfort so
soon now forgotten

the wind howls a name familiar
it carries with it the scent of a nightmare
sensation dances with the
the sting of near frozen air

I find a feeling not so foreign now
dragging me farther
out into
the wilderness

processing humbling
surroundings
i'm now left in
solitary wonder

where have I wandered?
how will I weather impending storm?

if I am long lost in unforgiving cold
will it then
be too late
when warmth finds me once more?

That lamentation, as it was,
Heard for centuries above
Has told of the glory and the loss
Among the other needless costs

In it now I find a friend and foe
Here in the belly, the undertow,
The phantom crashes, deep bellows,
Fiery lights made palpable

A static tension in the air
Breeding pain, doubt and despair
Multiplies, exemplifies,
Heavy hearts and saddened eyes

But it's necessary for
Harboring coming downpour
Floods crashing through ***** streets
Wipe clean the mark of entitled feet

Rejuvenation in desolation

And when wandering your gardens
I stopped to appreciate every flower
You sang me along, flowers seemingly
Growing where you walked

Magnificence made my breathing heavy
I longed so very much to sing with you
But I could not breathe,
I could not make a sound

The rain is falling now
With arms full of tulips and the idea of you
I'm carried outside myself
By the scent still left in your wake

Intimacy in isolation

There is something to be gained
Sitting lonely in the rain

Wrapped within nature's grasp
Unifying present and past

I've now only in this weather
Visions of these gardens brought to wither

The vibrant mind of springtime
Knocked unconscious in the winter

Anywhere the sun leads you
The clouds are sure soon to follow

But you'll be far from daunted

There will be more gardening tomorrow

And I know that when you call
You won't have me at all in mind
And that's fine, that's fine

There are other more
Important things
To talk about this time

You did not ask
For me to exist
And trust me neither did I

So swallow your shallow
Obligation
To bring that fact to mind

It's almost redundant
When the needle breaks skin

Art creating art
Defined by hair tied-up
And a mastered craft

Deliberate movements
Of a wrist near broken
Through creative necessity

Many strive to create
Most feel obligated
To spread influence

But there is a something
Different, something strange
In the way one endures the pain

It takes to make
A canvas blank transform
Into something more

Only made tangible
By your will and your
Martyred time

There is something
Incredible
About redundancy

Witnessing art
Self-sufficient

The creative forces
In front of me

Left to wonder where
the feeling comes from

sitting with a turning
stomach, brimming
with last night's
bad choices

I went home
with loneliness again

I wake to see her
turned away from me

Loneliness has been
my constant companion
the one I know
I should be leaving
yet I sit with her in
self-induced exile

I won't ever be
the first to say it
it's in hand and mind
but I won't acknowledge that

where is the voice to whisper
my wishes & give flight
to a fleeting feeling?

where is the softness to soothe
where it hurts?

The stomach pains will go
away as surely as they
will come back again

But my soul suffers open
wound
bitterness keeps sickness
sustained
though more so
I need the assurance
the comfort

oh, loneliness,
your hair in bloom
upon the pillow cases

my frail hands are grasping
onto whatever they can
they are losing their grip
on the tangible

loneliness, my love,
why do you turn from me?

Shaking arms longing for
warm body go unsatisfied
they only hold own weaknesses

they cradle nothing more
than what isn't there

If you give a girl a with a big heart your broken pieces,
she will gently pick them up and carry them in her soft hands,
and pay no mind to your sharp edges.
She will try to glue you back together
and she’ll do it in a way that made you forget you were ever broken.
With scratched finger tips and ****** palms,
she’ll lift you up to the sun,
letting it's blinding rays shine through you
to show you that even the worst things have things to love in them
and that even the shattered can again be whole.

If you give a girl with a big heart your body,
she will study you like an archaic God.
She will learn your curves and surfaces like braille,
she will adjust her hearing to the pitch of your laughter
so that no matter how far apart you become,
her ears will perk up like a dog's when you giggle,
and she will smile, knowing that you smile.

If you give a girl with a big heart your time,
she will make each second feel like infinity,
and each sunset like the end of the world.
You'll forget that the universe is as vast and wondrous as it is,
because you will be so captivated by the light that she emits
right where she sits,
by your side.

And if you take from a girl with a big heart,
please,
for the love of God,
do not take it all.

If you take from a girl with a big heart,
please remember that her love is not a renewable resource.
The wind and the sun and the water will forever be there to serve you but
she will run dry, and become another fact of history that will one day be forgotten.

If you take from a girl with a big heart,
please remember how sharp your edges were before her,
how lifeless your body was before she touched it,
and how meaningless time was before she made it into something magical.

my eyes are heavy

I can't tell you why but
I miss you

there's something wrong
here, your time has
long passed

but even now I think
of taking off your gown

I feel the lace in between
my fingers
my hands against still
impossibly smooth skin
legs that never touched
the ground, legs I hoped
would lead me to forever

your curls rolling down
your shoulders, dangling
between us, connecting
our faces, the fragrance
of beauty itself clasped
between every strand
cascading from your silhouette

tenderness raining
love willing
fear subsiding
you envelope me

in this near-dream state
with the morning sun
pouring in through the
window, my soul is
still wrapped up beyond
with that transcendence
a lovely mistress

I feel you closer than I
ever have before
even when you were
close literally so

what intense longing

what a strange morning
it's been already

your arms wrapped around
his neck
i want your tender hands
at my throat

these things cause
gravity to befall me
while you, falling,
float and float

my stomach drops
differently today
not to be confused
with the way i drowned
sorrow these past days

that's a rumble all its
own, a problem I'll
address when the only
one that matters
right now is subdued

my stomach hurts
differently today
i don't feel spurned
i don't feel good
& i'm trying to learn
what it is exactly
you're teaching me

the experience does
nothing for me
but leave me empty
hollowed, vulnerable
what is it exactly
you're teaching me?

i know only of the way
that my stomach,
drowned in the sorrows of
past days, drops
a little
differently today
it hurts a little
differently today