Stare at my feet--
Bite my tongue;
Habits learned when I was young.

Smile more--
Sit up taller;
Lessons taught when I was smaller.

Calm down--
Don't be so wild;
Words used to tame the child.

To be honest,
I'm sad all the time
I'm tired all the time
the good thing is
that I don't have to
pretend I'm happy
all the time

Alone in the room.
Staring into the dark abyss.
Silence washing over.
I believe ignorance is bliss.

You hurt me before.
But your love I did miss.
Why'd you go away.
I believe ignorance is bliss.

The shadows tell me things.
As I peer through the mist.
It was destined to be.
I believe ignorance is bliss.

Will a new light arrive.
A save me with a kiss.
Break the spell within me.
I believe ignorance is bliss.

when I was younger,
when I felt low as I do now
I would lash out
try to hurt others
try to make them feel
the pain I felt inside.

now,
when I am depressed
I try to be as kind as possible
to anybody
who treats me nicely.
I dont want another soul
to have to experience
the pain I feel inside.

every kind, honest word
anyone has ever given me
resonates
inside my hollow chest
I think of these words
when I am feeling down
sometimes,
I repeat them to myself
to drown out
the negative voice of anxiety
that is screaming
all of my faults.

I
would suffer in my depression
alone,
and eternally,
without a second thought
if it meant
that other people
would never have to feel
the pain I feel inside.

I want to tell you,
you have value.
your life
is paramount.
you are beautiful
even if you don't see it
even if others disagree
if you are feeling low,
tell me.
I will send you a message
of every beautiful thing
about you.

and yes,
you are loved.
even if you feel
nobody loves you.
even if
nobody else loves you
I do.
I love your personality
your face
your flaws
they make you
exactly who you are
and,
I love your existence.

I may hate myself
but I refuse
to take it out on others.
let me be your escalator
get on my back
and I will lift you up
to a higher destination.

no one,
besides me
deserves to feel this low.

You empty that space
somewhere within you
It's where you want
happiness to rest

But somebody's happiness
is stabbing you
as deep as they can go

But either way,
It's happiness

So you let their knife
Be buried in your chest

"How often do you fall in love?"
He asked

"As often as I hear you talk"
I answered

"How often do you get your heart broken?"
He added

"As often as I hear you talk

...about her"

The rainbow
Of you and me
Would start with white.

"But Beck -
white isn't a color
it's the absence of them,"

Before I told you
that I loved the way
your words flowed across the page
we were whiteness.
You: oblivious to my existence
doing what I imagine
as respectful activities
of a father and husband.
Me: in a nineteen year old haze
loving a soul passionately,
playing video games, while discreetly
******* to your novel.
Which reminds me -
if you ever write erotica,
(you should)
please include the *****,
naughty,
gritty details,
that make my body rise and fall;
that make my wings flutter
in fleeting ecstasy.

We passed yellow
awhile back
intrigue, curiousity
you told me
you would never cheat
you can't help it
that you want to see people naked.
Lucky you -
I adore
showing you my naked body;
I touch myself
and reach my peak
to the thought of your eyes
caressing my curves,
your gaze
pinching my hard *******
as you explode
on my pixelated body.

I may have left you behind
as I reached green
a few weeks ago.
that's okay,
cause this place is a garbage dump.
envy
of the woman whom you belong to
who can feel your skin
who gets all of your words
all of you.
that's okay,
'cause all I really crave
is your body,
anyways.
I want your thickness
in me; but
I've said that enough times.

You've spent enough time here
Please wait in the car
I'm not the me you like
When I'm drenched in blue
Anxiety and
Self critique
Has brought me to be
Drowning
In depression
In my self loathing
I make pit stops by blue
All the time, it seems
I never leave
Used to be once a month,
Then once a week
Once a day
All day.
Days go by and I cannot breathe
Engulfed
In the blueness of never
Never have been
Never am
Never will be
Happy
Or
Satisfied?
I see your hand
And grab on
You pull me from the murky depths
You buckle me up
And drive us
To

Orange
Craving you
I want to know how you taste.
The budding sun
That rises
The daylight
The hand that pulled me
From the dark blue
Affection, a bit, but
Mostly
Intense lust.
**** me in orange.
Pull my hair until I scream
From the pleasure
Of feeling you inside me
Of you
Clawing
At my back
Orange, is just a vision
of ecstasy
close to the suckle enchantment
Of red
Deeper than
The innocence of yellow
I am writing this in orange

But I want you in red
All of you
The taste of passion
You've been teasing me with
I want it all
Spank me red
****
Me
Red
Make my sore
Tight
Passage red
From filling me until I collapse
I know you will never
Leave me unsatisfied
I am your pet
Of pleasure
Of anything you desire

Empty into me
With purple
Collapse onto me
Your satisfaction
Gleaming
Deep
Pure
Evil
I will massage you
Work away the stress
Of your successful
Life
Wash it away
In purple
Wash me away
In purple