When you told me about your plans for next year
I just smiled and listened without any worry
Just the through made you oh so happy
This is something you have been thinking about for a while because I remember the story you told me
As you talk about the loads of paper work
you still smile through it all
Because now you know one of your biggest wishes is so close you can see it
You’re my best friend and I want to always see you at your best and with a genuine smile placed on your face
But you’ll be in another country with a time zone
12 hours ahead of where we are now so I get sad
I will probably be lost without you and that thought makes me anxious and scared
Our friendship will be able to endure something like this right?
What if you find someone who gets you in a way I probably never have?
Call me selfish but I don’t want you to leave
I am trying so hard to look on the bright side and it’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a while
I know my words will never be able to do justice
But please promise me that you will not replace me

It’s clear that I’m different from all of you
There’s this click and I just never felt it
From outsiders looking in it will appear just fine
But I’m on the inside where I really shouldn’t be
I don’t like the same things as you all
You’ve probably gotten tired of my follow up question to whatever it is you’re talking about because I never know what it is you mention
And plus you’ve been friends longer than I’ve been apart of this group so I don’t know what I should do
There are times like this where I could go back to the way it was
Even if they were toxic I know I never had to feel this way

My stomach hurts from the anxiety I feel everyday.
I can't possibly describe it any other way.
When I wake up from the two hours of sleep I had that night
I feel the pain creep in just like a bright light.
It shines it's darkness all around me
And whispers things that quickly drain my glee.
It makes my head and stomach ache.
It makes me think all the times I felt fake.
I get up and go to the bathroom
To look into my mirror of absolute doom.
It shows my face: exposed and pale
Because lately my state of mind has made me so frail.
I know it's a cliche emo thing to say
But why did my life have to end up this way?

People say hatred is wrong

That it means you're as bad as the very one you hate

But I beg to differ

Why can't I hate her for torturing me as a child

And trying her very best to make me sad

Why can't I hate him for doing the very same

For doing anything he can to made me feel pain

Just because he can't hurt himself enough

I've grown to hate myself

And as bad as that is

I just can't stop

I've grown up with such a toxic set of siblings

I might as well be the first to go

That's what they've always wanted

When they tried to strangle me

I still remember how it felt

When they wrapped their hands around my neck

It hurt