Just when I think

I've known the world

I come to the realization

That I've only seen it

Through my own two eyes.

It eats at me

Though I shouldn't be bothered

And yet

I can't help but wonder why.

What do strangers see

When they watch my favorite film

And what do they hear

In their favorite songs?

What do others girl feel

When they knowingly fall in love

With someone

Who's stringing them along?

What do my parents know

When they look at the roads

They've walked down

Many more times than I?

What do babies think

When the world's so unknown

And they can only use their voices

To cry?

Where is the truth

In others' opinions

So very different from mine?

Where lies the inspiration

Of other writers

As they steadily type

Each line?

In the end

There's not much of a point

Unless reincarnation exists.

But frustration prevails

Knowing my eye's the limit

And my curiosity

You see

Persists.

My love is inbetween-ish

And beautiful in the most magnificent of ways.

Made up of porcelain skin

With a glow that further brightens the break of day

A heart that beats

To the tune of my favorite song

At the touching of lips

Bright eyes

That speak millions of beautiful words

And a name

With a thousand lovely meanings.

My love is inbetween-ish

And between us

There is nothing but love.

He was rain

The spray that came

On a scorching summer day.

He fell from his cloud

Without warning

Kissed the Flickering Flame into submission

All the while, saving a few sweet drops

Just for me.

He was the rain

That kissed the Flame and I.



He was rain

Leaving the Flame and I in wait

To see him on another day.

We danced for him

Inviting him to play

As we spun in each other's arms.

Finally, he joined us

The Flame and I jumped for joy

First side-by-side

Then miles apart.

He was the rain

That made the Flame blush

And set my selfish soul ablaze.


He was rain

Standing between the Flame and I

On any given day.

He soothed the new burns

Marring my skin

Though he always feared

He would put out the Flame.

He was the rain

That loved the Flame

While the both of them

Left me parched.


He was rain

A hurricane

Washing me away from the Flame.

The two of them laughed

Oblivious

And told me to swim

As I began to drown.

He was the rain

Who ran away with the Flame

Just when I thought

They could both be mine.


He was rain

And he slipped away

On a sunny winter's day.

The Flame left, too

Without a note

Left the heart within me

High, dry, and cold

Nothing there to set on fire

Or to give hope.

He was the rain

Who disappeared with the flame

Leaving me all alone.


Now, on this day

I float in a fog.

Floods on one side

On the other, burnt smaug.

I know who I am

And I'm here to stay.

I just wish that the Flame

Didn't take my rain boy away.

Still, he is the rain

Who is in love with the Flame

And I wonder

If he thinks about dry Earth like me

At all.


He is the rain

A fool for the Flame

Just like I was

All along.

I press play

And the first song that comes on

Is one that you love.

Skip.

Wouldn't you know it

The next track

Is the one that played in the background

When we first met.

Skip.

Up next is a favorite of yours

That I can't hear

Over the imaginary you in my head

Singing along.

Skip.

Hey, what a coincidence!

The next three

Were all on the mix I made you

That you never got to hear.

Skipskipskip.

The one after that is just fine

Except, oh

Did it mention a wolf?

Funny

That reminds me of you

Dressed in sheepskin.

Skip!

Oh, you hated this one!

But, wait

You thought it was so funny

That I liked it.

Ha ha ha

S k i p.

Here's a new one

That I never got to recommend to you

But it rubs salt in the wound

When I apply the words

To me and you.

S

K

I

P

!

!

!

...

I press skip

And the next song that comes on

Is one that you love

But!

I loved it first

Before I knew your name

Or what songs you listened to

Or of your place

As a tiny speck

On this big, big planet.

Yes, you love this song

But I did, too

Probably before you loved it

And definitely before I knew-loved-hated you.

How can I ever find joy again

If you're constantly there

A trace of you everywhere you're not

A ghost that keeps pressing

Pause?

How will I ever rid the music of such tainting memories

If I don't try making new ones

Of my own?

You loved this song

I love this song

And I press

Play.

Little hummingbird

Wings aflutter, heart a-patter, drink

From that sweet flower.

He fell from heavens high

Back down to this miserable Earth

All in the interest of loving me.

He was a guardian

So pure of soul

But all I saw

Were his wings.

He promised to protect me

And kept his word

Treating me better than anyone had

In a very long time.

He lived a second time just for me

Always there to rescue his favorite broken soul.

He was the one

To drag me out of dark alleys

Take the bottle from my hands

Tell me who not to call back

Place a hand on my heart

Just when I thought I couldn't feel anything good anymore.

He danced with me to my favorite records

Taught me how to laugh again

Sang me to sleep

Offered the gentlest kiss

Without asking for anything more.

He pried me open

To see into my soul.

I found true desire

In staring at his wings.

As the days passed

Disenchantment crept back in.

Finally, I asked him

What it was like to fly.

He smiled at me

So beautifully otherworldly

And told me that

As long as I was there with him

He wouldn't dream of doing it again.

It was then that I asked him the million dollar question:

"If you don't want to fly again

Would you mind giving just one of your feathers to me?"

He stayed silent for a while

Considering

Before he reached out

And tore a single sparkling plume

From one lovely white wing.

He dropped it into my outstretched palm

Before meeting my gaze

With watering eyes.

"My love," he said.

"Never doubt that I am yours."

For a while

That one feather was all that I needed.

Alas, like all things

The passing of days

Dulled its shine.

A few nights later

I asked my angel for another

Sure he wouldn't mind.

"Please," I begged.

"Just one more."

He hesitated for only a moment

Before plucking out another.

With a smile

I took it from him

To join the previous one.

There was a sick thrill

In seeing them side-by-side

One for him

One for me.

Of course

Two wasn't good enough for long.

I plead to him on one of my hopeless nights

Dropping to my knees

Choking on tears.

"Please," I said once more.

"If you really love me, do this for me. Give me more of you."

His own eyes glistening

He ripped out a handful of glittering ivory

Shoving them into my hands.

I barely even heard his groan of agony

Over my own cries of anguish.

As my collection of feathers grew

Along with my longing for more

I hardly noticed my angel grow gaunt

Glowing skin going dull gray

Radiant smile fading away

Retreating into himself

As I stripped him

Of the badge that stated his purpose.

He gave and gave

And I took and took

Never offering anything back

Never worrying

Figuring that this --

Making me happy --

Was his job.

Not once did it occur to me

That every small sacrifice caused him so much pain

That I had changed him from a guardian angel

To a caged, flightless bird.

So I never pressed him.

Besides

How do you ask someone

If they're tearing themselves apart

To give you a piece of them?

I didn't expect it

When my angel fell into my arms

The light already leaving his beautiful eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"But I have to go now.

Please take care of yourself when I'm gone.

And, when you look at the feathers

Think of me."

The least I could do

Was hold him

As he faded away.

Now, I walk this miserable world alone

Two angel feathers

Hanging from my neck.

I stay away from dark alleys

Seek solace in the bottle

Screen every call

Clutch a hand to my chest

Wishing my heart would freeze back over.

I've put away the records I once loved

Muted my laugh

Let every tear dry on its own

Stay up all night

Blaming myself

Vowing to never let anyone kiss these selfish lips again.

Now, I fall to my knees

Pleading with the heavens

To let him come back to me

Save me again

Reclaim the things I took from him.

Oh, angel

Please don't do this for your next girl.

See death everywhere.

Paranoia setting in

Killing character.