If I decide to leave this world
I want to say a few things first
Number one: All I wanted was love
Love, the only thing I wanted
I fought so hard for it
But never got it
You think you're doing the right thing, you're not
I'm not okay
I'm broken and love can heal me but I don't have it
I'm exhausted
I need to sleep
But I have a few more things to say before I make my final decision

I'm weak
So why do you think that I can hold all this weight?
My legs are giving out
I'm falling to the ground
I'm surrounded by pain
I'm here but who's here for me
I give up
I need someone to save me
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of holding on to all this weight
I must let go

pink comes up to me and asks who i have a crush on
i look around, picking a random boy and say “him.”
by tomorrow, everyone will know.
but i don’t actually like him.

yellow comes up to me and asks who i have a crush on
i’ve grown, matured, and yet i still look around, pick a girl from my friend group and say “her.”
by tomorrow, all my friends but her will know
but i don’t actually like her.

“her.” “him.” “them.”
“him.” “them.” “her.”
“them.” “her.” “him.”
“him.” “her. “them.”

purple comes up to me and asks who i have a crush on.
i look around
no one.
i guess my heart is green and grey.

How can emptiness be so heavy?

I had my first dream last night that you weren't in.
not even a minor character,
your ****** name wasn't even in the credits,
let alone plastered across the sky in flashing lights
like you want it to be.
my first reality that you didn't belong in,
and it was the most blissful peace that I can remember since we bathed in pools of cloud.

I heard the first song that didn't make me think of you yesterday.
the lyrics, for once, were just lyrics,
not an embodiment of you and the things you do.
guess what?
it was coldplay.
you always hated coldplay.

this morning, I basked in the sun and didn't picture you coated in gold light beside me.
I didn't look at the leaves adorning the trees and picture your face laughing beneath it.

I didn't trace the plate lines of my palm and imagine the earthquake we used to create when yours collided with mine.

I didn't eat new food that I wanted you to try and I didn't want to share the smallest details of my day with you.

you may have won this poem, loverboy,
but don't be too triumphant.
your victory won't last long.
it's the era of my new beginnings without you and I'm going to be just fine.

You’re not the unreachable stars
You’re not the almighty sun
You are every blade of grass
You are every deer in the forest
You are every ripple in the pond

But I
I am the restless moonchild
Roaming senselessly through
The starless sky

But I
I am the moon that wakes
Among slumbering hours
And sleeps through life

But I would rather be the dust
That buries your loneliness
But I would rather be the dews
That wash away your sorrow

Your gift for me is my love for my humility
Your happiness for me is my willingness
To be your eternal shadow and not just
The momentary sunshine

You’re not the sky high above all
You’re not the gale that takes all
You’re the dove I wish to caress
You’re the untouchable dandelion

And I
I am the dark clouds above all fleeing life
The inescapable starless night

And I
I am the gale wind that leaves nothing behind
That goes away silently
When there’s no hope left to be find


And I would rather be the catkins
That hold on to your dreams in flight
And I would rather be the honeybees
That take away your bitterness, despair and fright

Please show me how to love my humility
Please bring back my happiness, my willingness
To be your eternal shadow and not just
Momentary sunshine

For my love for you is not above all,
            But within every breath of life.

she ate pop rocks on her first date.
i remember her coming home,
telling me how they laughed at each other because of the popping sounds and how it felt on their tongue.
i'm younger than her but i remember thinking,
"you're so young, girl. you're in love, girl."