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7.4k · Dec 2017
promises
empty seas Dec 2017
they said
they'd never use me
but they treated me like a tool

she said
she cared
but she thought I was expendable

he said
he'd never tell
but he confessed when I turned away

broken promises
fake smiles
you talk and talk
but never say
anything
close
to the truth
Most of my friends last year were the embodiment of fake, I'm going to leave them in 2017, hopefully.
4.7k · Oct 2018
control + alt + delete
empty seas Oct 2018
i went through
every poem
about her
and made them
disappear

maybe now
it'll be easier
to feel better
to feel free

i have no more poems
about the good times
for the bad times
outweighed them

i feel freer
although i am sad
my most popular poem
is gone

it is for the best
i am freer
if you noticed my number of poems drop down randomly in the past two days, that is because i deleted all my poems about my manipulative ex
i was going to leave them up as a testament to our time together (unsurprisingly, a lot of those poems were actually quite negative). I am usually unafraid of the past but my poems about her made me cringe whenever I saw them. I deleted them to make me feel better.
3.1k · Mar 2018
Gen Z
empty seas Mar 2018
A hurting generation
of broken children
we are the end of this
alphabet of problems
our future is hopeless
full of student loans
and a job crisis
the millennials have
warned us so

So we dull our pain
with jokes and memes
ridiculed by older people
but we know that
our future is dull and
filled with hardship
so let’s make our now
bright and fun
and most of all
a good memory
for when things get hard
All the gen z kids I know are scared of the future, we’ve grown up hearing of how bad the millennials had it, and it’s our turn to be let out into the working world.
empty seas Aug 2018
i used to have an easy time
enjoying myself
laughs came easy
smiles even easier
even being around these people made me happy

but something has changed
my heart has moved places
and my stomach refuses to consider the possibility that I’m safe
every word, every breath feels forced
out of an unchanging smile

i guess im just waiting
but i don’t know what for
for when ill finally have a day in which the possiblity of sleeping forever doesn’t feel appealing?
for when ill finally love myself?
maybe im just waiting for the sun to set
so we can finally start the bonfire
and the burning of my skin
will make me feel something
everything feels so numb and strange
i think it would’ve been better if i never woke up from that nap we took together
2.2k · Oct 2018
soft love
empty seas Oct 2018
I want a soft kind of love
holding hands while
taking walks in the park
learning different bird songs
just to point them out

I want a friendly kind of love
being able to talk to friends
and go to social events
without capitalizing all of each other's
attention

I want a warm kind of love
compassion bleeding through every action
cuddles and warm cocoa
and helping each other when we're down
no hopelessness around

I want an aware kind of love
knowing when to take things slow
and that it's okay to not want to do things
no more closed doors to other people
just when it doesn't hurt

I want real love
love that doesn't hurt
love that isn't lust
love that makes you feel nice
love that is not all-consuming
love that helps you

love that is love
love doesn't have to be fast and secret and rough
it can be kind and soft
you just have to find the right one
2.0k · Oct 2018
me myself and i
empty seas Oct 2018
i’m trying to be better
a better leader
a better friend
a better student
a better person
and it’s hard
every step feels like dragging my feet through syrup
but i can feel improvement

i am starting to love myself
to love the way my mind
finds comfort in learning
to love the way
i’m good at things

i feel more free now
no longer someone’s crutch
but now i feel a solid future under my feet
instead of constantly being pushed down

i’m not quite happy yet
not as happy as i was
ignorant happiness is hard to beat
some days i crave intimacy
but i am not a dependent person
and i will wait until i’m better before pursuing someone else
it’s the right choice
being independent is something I’ve been priding myself on more recently
It just feels so nice to not be someone’s crutch for once, it’s like I can finally breathe, I’m really trying to use this to better myself though
A lot of people I know when they’re upset they just give up and never try to make things better and I’ve been desperately trying to avoid that
Anyway
Weird rant over
1.9k · Nov 2018
i’ll never be good enough
empty seas Nov 2018
i failed again
i couldn’t make myself work
i’m supposed to be good at things
i’m too lazy for anything, though
i am a failure
everything i touch crumbles
everyone i love leaves
i can’t even muster enough motivation
to practice for the upcoming competition
or work on securing my future
i’m awful
why can’t i ******* do things
god im a failure at everything I’m so ******* lazy
1.5k · Mar 2018
Spring break (haiku #5)
empty seas Mar 2018
Morning sunrise comes
Birds’ sweet melody is heard
My soft snores in bed
Spring break has come!
1.5k · Jan 2018
sunrises
empty seas Jan 2018
Reds and purples                                                          ­    

                                                   Yellows and blues

                   strung across the sky like

cotton candy              

         an ever-changing painting                                                         ­  

multicolored clouds stretching across the sky for the sake of beauty

                             the sake of being

accidentally making waking up bearable  
                        

sunrises

                        brea­thtakingly


beautiful
Looking at the sunrise while heading to school is always so amazing, we have really beautiful sunrises and sunsets. Sometimes it feels like the world is ending, and then sometimes it feels like I'm in a movie. They really do make going to school bearable.
1.3k · Nov 2018
corpse: pan-pan (3)
empty seas Nov 2018
i can’t do this
i’m not good enough

i can’t control my own actions recently
obsessively checking and checking
to see if someone is talking about me behind my back

i ate close to 4 meals today
i just ate and ate and even when i was full
i couldn’t stop
even now my stomach yells at me
so full yet so hungry
and the whispers say just throw up
but i’m still too cowardly to try

i can’t stop shaking
if not my hands, my legs
if not my legs, my teeth
at one point i could feel my brain inside my skull
everything is uncomfortable and hurts
so, so much

i am a failure
i am a failure
and i need to drill it though my
rotting brain
before self confidence comes again
i can’t do anything
i can’t practice for a state competition
i can’t study for the ACT
i can’t even keep myself from tearing
the inside of my cheek apart
in an attempt to stay calm
i’m rotting

i am falling apart
i can’t do this
i’m not good enough
i am a failure
empty seas Nov 2018
i’m trying hard
to keep it together
desperation is my middle name
restless nights
and hopeless days
i can’t do enough
can’t be enough
to keep up this juggling act
everything is falling apart so spectacularly
a fire of blues and reds and purples
one that only i can see

so i play a little game with myself
let’s see how well i can pretend everything is okay
i’ve gotten good at it recently
as my plans for my future start to crumble in my palms
i can still feign interest over a friend’s passing fling
i’ve even been able to pretend
my self esteem is going up
accepting compliments
even convincing myself i’m not a failure
it’s laughable, really
a ******* like me,
who can’t even keep
her life from falling apart,
finally loving herself?
not gonna happen

so i laugh
and sit
and watch
as everything falls apart
Wowee everything has not been good recently, and someone has made it worse, but I cant let it show bc I’m basically the therapist of the group
I’m supposed to be the emotionally stable one, the one you can always ask for advice or help in school work and I don’t know how long I can keep up this facade of being okay
empty seas Oct 2018
i feel so cold and alone
all the hurt i’ve experienced is my fault
i’m so dumb
so naïve
so willing to please
i let my personality fade away
and i don’t know where it’s gone

all the feelings of those months
came back to me
the constant nausea
the paranoia
the want to hurt
the feeling of being
so utterly useless and ugly

i was beginning to regain
some semblance of self-confidence
but when i think of those days
it’s gone
and all i can think is:
i’m so ugly
i’m so dumb and stupid
why
why am i like this?
why am i so awful?

i feel like all the progress i made is gone...
empty seas Dec 2018
everything is heavy
it hurts to move
it hurts to breathe
i just want this
pain to end
this drama
i’m sick of worrying
whether or not people
think i’m a monster
i just want to be left alone
god, please
just leave me alone
once i leave,
i don’t want to come back
empty seas Jan 2019
i was pacing back and forth
wondering how i could tell you
how amazing and awesome you are
oh, but i knew

i knew your mind is shut
you think your value lies with him
he’s your lifeboat with a leaky bottom
you’re drowning, not trying to swim

so please do what’s best
for your health and your heart
you’ve probably guessed what i’ll say
but i still think it’s a start

dump
his
***


you’re way to good for him
the shining star you are
please take care of yourself
and go say au revior

i want you to be okay
but he just makes you feel like ****
i know you’re in love with him
but please just go do it

dump his ***.
this isn’t the best poem I’ve written, but it really gets the point across, hopefully

for everyone who’s in a ****** relationship, get out of it. You may love them, but they’ll only hurt you, and you deserve way better than that
1.0k · Feb 2019
roar
empty seas Feb 2019
it starts with a whisper
quiet as the wind through your hair as you trek towards the water’s edge
feet sinking into the sand below

then it grows
filling your mind’s eye as the sight stretches before you, water crashing and frothing, stealing golden rays from the sunset above

the water tugs at your feet
the ocean, either through kindness or indifference, decides not to take you now
she just lets you watch
silently pouring all your emotions into the roar that surrounds you, into the endless amount of water at your feet and in front of you
and she listens
you are so small,
your problems and emotions are even smaller

she whispers to you, through the roar of her waves, the wind through your hair, the water stretching endlessly into the horizon

you are so small
and that is okay

bit of a different style, but I thought it captured the experience better
1.0k · Dec 2018
i am made of glass and steel
empty seas Dec 2018
no one has made a hole in my heart
that i couldn’t fix
in the end, i don’t need anyone
997 · May 2019
doubt
empty seas May 2019
somedays i think
if i looked inside your heart
he would be there
instead of me

empty seas Nov 2018
the fire whispered apologizes in her ear
begging for her embrace once again
she began to waver
just a tad
but then she looked around
at the fire’s history all around them
she saw the destruction, the hate, the lies
and suddenly she remembered
the healing burns
on her skin
her resolve hardened
she would not excuse the pain
fire does not regret what it hurts
it only begs for more to burn

bad metaphors? bad metaphors
893 · Jan 2018
sometimes
empty seas Jan 2018
sometimes
i want to
s c r a t c h  m y  s k i n  o f f
peel it off my body
in a desperate attempt
to set free the
self-hatred and anxiety

sometimes
i want to
t a k e  a  k n i f e  t o  m y  f a t
carving it away
shaping my body
into something
that won't disgust me

sometimes
i want to
s t a r t  o v e r
take an unforgiving blade
to the girl i used to be
run away until my lungs burst
and i'm finally set free
empty seas Nov 2018
it was dark
the closet
small, too
i put the sandbag down
he did too
i tried to leave
when he grabbed me
wrapped his arms around me hard
pinning my arms to my sides
and i was frozen
all i could say was
“Boy, what are you doing”
(stupid, i know
but thoughts were frozen in my head)
and he
kept squeezing
like we were old friends
when i considered him a stranger
i was frozen
petrified
a thousand other synonyms all applied
is he going to hurt me?
he lifted me up slightly
and i said again
“what are you doing?”
that’s when
he slapped his hand on my mouth
said “you’re under arrest”
but then someone came in the room
and he let go of me and left
what did i do wrong?
i was friendly
i joked
but i never did anything inviting
so why?
808 · Jan 2018
Stardust
empty seas Jan 2018
I should be proud
I should be thankful
I’ve had a good life
Everything is plentiful

But
my head won’t let me think straight
Everything’s a mess
I can’t be happy
When I’m less
than stardust
the dirt on the ground
We’re all made of the same things
as the stars and galaxies
But I think I’m missing something

The sunshine, moonlight
Makes everything beautiful
Look at the smiles of my best friends
Wonderful, as usual

I feel so inferior
to the beauty of my friends
Why they love me, I don’t know
but I’m there until the end

Take a long look at my friends
then a glance at me
and you’ll see
I’m less
than stardust
While they’re galaxies
My friends are literal angels, such kind and amazing people, I’m honestly unworthy of their friendship and love
776 · Dec 2018
years not spent wasted
empty seas Dec 2018
i’ve spent
years
of my life
convincing
myself
i’m not
a monster

this
will
not
stop.

i deserve
to be happy

words hurt me
they will not change me
i grow stronger
lies do not cut
as much as they used to
678 · Jan 2018
stars
empty seas Jan 2018
I know you keep your eyes on the ground
so you don't trip again
but take a moment to

stop

              

                 up                     *
and look                                   *                to                   *                     *
                                                               ­       *the     *        *   *      *        *  *
                                            ­                        *         *    *    *     *     *        *    *    
                                                               *           *       stars     *   *      *    
the stars are so beautiful. take a moment
671 · Mar 2018
Breathe in, breathe out
empty seas Mar 2018
Breathe in
Breathe out
I can’t command my breath anymore
My eyes are filled with toxic tears
causing the problem to get worse
Breathe in
Breathe out
Count with my five senses to calm down
too bad they’re too compromised
to do any help at all
Breathe in
Breathe out
Worthless with out my grades, this A+
I have no good personality, no creativity
to make me worth something
Breathe in
Breathe out
So as I bury my head in my hands
calming my anxiety is like
covering a mountain with a blanket
So I breathe in
and breathe out
I had an anxiety attack in math while taking a test.
646 · Feb 2018
Inner Monologue
empty seas Feb 2018
scrub scrub
brush brush
you’ll never be perfect
you’re not good enough
no use in wearing makeup
it can’t work miracles
besides
you can barely get out of bed anyway

slip on that sweatshirt
baggy to cover your fat
look at those fat thighs
the flab on those arms
no wonder everyone who loved you has left

fat
ugly
cover yourself up
shorts are a battle
bikinis an impossibility
might as well just give up

body positivity only works for pretty girls
and trust me
you’re not one of them
I don’t like my body
643 · Apr 2018
envy
empty seas Apr 2018
I have a dark, slithering thing
it lives in me
curled up in the cavity
just above my stomach
it only awakes
to eat and destroy
feasting on my emotions
and destroying my self-confidence
as my other emotions are slowly dying
to where I cannot feel them anymore
the dark, slithering beast
gives me one emotion
it is the only emotion
envy
I turn jealous and hateful
unable to smile with the beast showing me
how everyone is so much better
it hisses to me:
your best friend is funnier and nicer
your girlfriend more talented and pretty
they will turn away eventually
for you have no good qualities

I can’t bear to hurt anyone
so I turn to isolation
the great, slithering beast turns on me
and from the inside out
tears me to shreds
Everyone I love is so much better than me, and I dread the day they realize I’m nothing compared to them, and finally leave me
empty seas Jan 2019
i just
have to
breathe
in
and
out
and tell myself
it’s okay
to not want something
it’s okay
to not please everyone
it’s okay
to feel emotions

i don’t have
to sacrifice
comfort
to make someone else
happy

one of my not-very-close friends is here in my house spending the night and I really really don’t want him to be here because they can be super clingy and I really don’t like it but I don’t know what to do so I’m just hiding in my room
635 · Mar 2018
Happy birthday Julia
empty seas Mar 2018
Happy birthday to you
my friend I haven’t seen in years
I wish I was there to hug you
and make fun of how short you are
smart, funny, and talented
are words that wouldn’t begin to describe
how wonderful you are
but are the only ones that my small mind
can think of right now.

Happy birthday to you
strong Texan, one of my best friends
working through a hurricane
and still dealing with my complaining
you’re assisting in a hospital now
I’d trust you with my care

Happy birthday dear Julia
one of the smartest people I know
multilingual, a great violinist
top of your class, rightfully so
I know you’ll go far
and I hope I’m there to see it

Happy birthday to you
wow you're old now
604 · Dec 2017
Mirror
empty seas Dec 2017
sometimes
when i look in the mirror
i see something
beautiful

but
when i look again
it's gone
don't stare for too long
596 · Dec 2018
sickness #4
empty seas Dec 2018
it took me a while to realize
this isn’t normal
most people don’t wake up
feeling sick
they don’t have to plan when to eat
to avoid throwing up

i avoided help for so long
because i could handle the pain
but i spent so many days
huddled in a ball trying to keep my guts
from liquidating
i guess i still avoid help
because this constant
day-in-day-out pain
seems like it’ll never end
595 · Jan 2018
(things left unsaid)
empty seas Jan 2018
call me selfish
(i am)
call me scared
(more than you know)
all i know is
(and thats not much)
i can't stand the thought
(but I think so much)
of you
(the best friend ive had in years)
replacing me
(it always happens)
when i love you so much
(i have poured my soul out to you)
so i go
(like always)

and hide
(i'm so sorry)
some thoughts
541 · Feb 2018
apathy
empty seas Feb 2018
A waterfall of emotion
flowing down my back
draining away until
I’m empty
apathetic
unapologetic
you could fall right in front of me
I’d just walk over the body

the waterfall flows
and the walls come down
‘til I feel no more
sometimes I just don’t feel anything
514 · Mar 2018
Cells
empty seas Mar 2018
It’s always fascinated me
how every single cell in our bodies
works so hard
to keep us alive
you could say
that they love you
and care about you
but that’s not true
they have no sentience
no will
but they have a mission
a purpose
which is more than some people have
and it’s almost an honor
when you think about
how these trillions of cells
have the same purpose:
to help you
It really makes me feel better when I think about this
507 · Jan 2018
Bathroom graffiti
empty seas Jan 2018
If I die don’t cry
Look up at the sky and
Say goodbye

-the Loved One
I saw this in a bathroom stall, and I thought it was good, so I wrote it down. It’s not mine
empty seas Jan 2019
i am buried
in the mountains of things you said to me
words upon words
stories upon stories
how much
was true?

i don't think i'll ever know
your truths and lies are both a mystery to me
so i
di s t a  n    c      e
myself from the words
but i will always be wrapped up in it no matter how much
i want to be free
i'm part of those words now

when words tip out of your mouth my name will be there
good memories tainted with disgust
i went from a nice person who did a few rude things
to an *******
to a monster
what point did it start becoming a lie?
at what point did the person you view in your mind stop becoming me
or it is possible that your words are so influential that i have now become what you said
or has it always been that way

i don't know


it feels wrong to be scared
god, it's been months, but i've always been so affected by people's words about me, so being called a monster and having that behavior justified by one of my closest friends has been a wild ride. i can't help feeling so alone and awful when i think about it. i really am starting to feel like i've always been a bad person and i've worked so hard to like myself again that this just feels like i've been pushed back down the stairs of progress. i just want to be told i'm a good person and believe it.
502 · Nov 2018
the anger
empty seas Nov 2018
the anger
pulsed
pushed
through the air

pushed
pulled
at my head

i could not leave
could not shut
it out
could not feel
fine
can’t be calm

the anger
it pulls
wraps its arms
around me
pulls itself
into that empty place
above my stomach
in my ribcage
it was them
and now
is me

they put
the anger there
placed it
by the force
of the looks
the words
the tears
the anger is
all around
you
are not
you
are never
you
will never be
you

anxiety is
not just fear
it is
primal
the rage
the fear
it wraps itself
in you
and you can only
channel it
inwards
you can only
self destruct

anxiety and anger
are two sides
of the same coin
and i
flip
between
the two
until
i stop
being
anything
at all
i flip
and i flip
somedays
it seems like
the only thing
i do
493 · Mar 2019
pictures
empty seas Mar 2019
i keep looking at pictures
of you
imagining what it would be like
to hold you in my arms

me? finally having enough emotional security to develop a crush? it’s more likely than you think
honestly tho how long until she hates me
489 · Mar 2019
i miss the warmth of hugs
empty seas Mar 2019
my eyes are burning
they were open much too long
so let me close them
and kiss the tears that slip through the cracks
wrap your warm arms around me
and hold me
until the sun rises
i like you, and i want to trust you
but for now, i just dream
488 · Dec 2018
the dream
empty seas Dec 2018
he
held my hand
and kissed me
in the forest
as sun dappled
leaves swayed
around us

he
hugged me
as i cried
asked questions
understood
and most of all
was kind

he
was the
summer sun
winter snow
autumn leaves
spring flowers
everything lovely
in the world
together

we only had
a few hours
together but
the dream
felt like forever
so wonderful
and so real
i woke up last night
yearning
for the boy
i lost
454 · Dec 2017
saving grace
empty seas Dec 2017
You are my saving grace
duct tape
the medicine that helps me bear the pain of stitching my soul
You are the teacher
with the most important lesson
how to become strong again
You draw me in
with conversations of fictional lives
that are just as important as our own
We share pieces of our souls through
hardcovers and paperbacks
in a way that makes me feel whole
repaired
less like shattered glass and more of a mosiac
Saving grace
the three syllable manifestation of
healing
                          and
                                                  happiness
This was made for my good friend a while ago. She's great, and actually likes my poems, surprisingly. She actually hung this on her fridge, which is super embarrassing, not only because it's bad, but because I misspelled some stuff in the original.
437 · May 2019
coming to terms
empty seas May 2019
i’m trying
to wrap my head
around what happened
i’ve never been dropped so
fast after being told
”i love you”

how much
was a lie you told?
how much was just so
you could wrap your hands
around my fragile heart?
i don’t think i’ll
ever know

i want
to scream
rage and make
you understand the
pain

you
spun tales
about a future
you never truly wanted
i was just
an option
an outcome
someone to
maybe choose
to love

and it hurts.

a lot.

my heart was an open house
you let yourself in
and tore the
place to
shreds





i don’t know
if you’ll ever understand
what your decisions
have done
to me

i feel used. my heart hurts so much. why did i let this happen to me again.
426 · Jul 2018
another year
empty seas Jul 2018
another year of my life has gone by
and surprisingly
I’m staying alive

I’m getting things done
making things
happen
making me
happy

sometimes I’m properly
happy

and I think that’s the best birthday gift of all
Just a quick poem for the occasion
420 · Nov 2018
the next step
empty seas Nov 2018
I have always been
fiercely independent
even when people took away
pieces of my personality
that has always remained
and I’m proud of it

my family raised me
to meet my future head on
and now it’s time
to take the next step
into that future
They finally found my host family for when I’m going to be a foreign exchange student!!!
I’m honestly so happy, it’s going to be amazing
409 · Mar 2018
comfort
empty seas Mar 2018
we search and we search
pulling and pulling this magical thing
from every living and inanimate thing
stuffed animals
your best friends
blasting music through your ears
and everything in between

we grab and grab
holding onto anything and everything
that makes us feel good
our crutches
our comfort
we give something the power
to make us feel okay

but how easily
this comfort can slip away
or turn into something
addicting and unsavory
so take your comfort
and hold it tight
but realize
you don't need comfort all the time
I tend to get addicted to my comforts, especially now, going from being really sad to really stressed.
408 · Feb 2019
stars
empty seas Feb 2019
the stars are bleeding
golden wisdom from the sky
drips down to us below

i open my arms wide
stare up at the dizzying darkness
and let the stars and universe
help me do what’s right
i am at a crossroads
empty seas Feb 2019
some days i wonder why i get out of bed
my soul caves on itself
tangling into a tight ball
as if smaller means less harm
will come to it

i still get the urges
the want
to rip my skin and fat off my thighs
to change the landscape of my body
because i hate
and hate
myself
body positivity? haven’t heard of her
403 · Jan 2018
brushing Phoebe (haiku #2)
empty seas Jan 2018
This is a horror
I thought dogs don't shed right now
God, there's so much hair
Aren't dogs supposed to stop shedding during winter?? This is ridiculous
401 · Dec 2018
as the wind goes
empty seas Dec 2018
people come
and go

friends
change

they leave
whether by virtue
of circumstance
or choice

and this time
the choice
is mine

i cannot
be friends
with you
any longer

this
does not
make me
a monster

this
is not
my fault.
empty seas Jan 2019
the world
is so much
bigger
than i
have been told

one person
was never
my world

one town
is not
my world

my world
is the universe
anything
and everything
i can get
my hands on
the world is so big and beautiful
386 · Apr 2019
crying to the moon
empty seas Apr 2019
no one wants me

i’m too loud
uninteresting
annoying
and it shows

i see the looks
on my new friends’ faces
it makes me not want to try

i’ll try for now
but i’m worried it’ll
never work
“if you weren’t the new kid
i would make fun of you
for your perfectionism”
-my friend
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