Oh Porcelain Heart,
How did they manage to break you?
Why did you fall for their damaging ways?
Let me help you pick up the pieces,
Please, I'm begging you.

                          You soul is over here
                                                                                                  Your mind is over there
You managed to keep your sanity in place

They threw your around like a ragdoll,
Ignoring your delicate complexion
      And the inevitable china emotions
           You unwillingly carried in your head.

Don't cry Porcelain Heart,
I tried to put you back together again,
Without the King's horses and King's men,
One pair of hands tried to fasten you to reality,
But I let the rope go and let you slip into fantasy.

I'm lost,
There is no sense of direction in the mist,
Clouded judgement,
No compass to point me North,
Sweaty palms,
Blindly wandering through the forest,
I feel their eyes on me,
I can feel the growls tearing from their stomachs,
Teeth bared and poised to ****,
They stalk me in the shadows of the oak trees,
The predators follow their prey,
Ghosts in the dark,

And all they have to do is pounce

All I can do is wait until they catch me

All they will do is tear me apart

But I suppose it's better than to be left in the wilderness of my existence

My mind is darker than the deepest corners of the night,
Fragile,
Ready to shatter when a single beam of light slices through it.
I am not ready for that beam of light.
I am wandering blindly through the darkness,
No sense of direction,
Only the deep and quivering breaths from my chest
And the stinging tears that burn my face.

I have fought a battle
Between happiness and sadness
And it is clear that sadness prevails.
The blades are out
They slumber in the little white case in my top drawer.
I have tried and tried again to ignore its devious presence
But now I found myself falling for its painful intimacy once more.

My dark mind has been dormant for too long,
And I am left cold, naked and ashamed on the concrete floor of my innermost hatred.

I feel them,
Creeping beneath my skin,
Breaking down my resistance.
I am trying to pull away
But they are clawing me back,
Dragging me back to the top drawer
Where the skeletons encased in a little white box are waiting.

It seems to be a repetitive process,
No, a ritual
"I've been clean for four weeks, I can do this"
"I can't do this anymore. I can't cope."
"No, I've come this far, I can't give up now."
"**** it all."

It is a drug,
Injected into my veins and swirling around my brain,
Metallic nicotine

The worst part is, is that I have these urges because I can't even bare the smallest thought of sadness.
I can't even go through five minutes of brief heartache without wanting to throw it all away.
I don't even have a reason to feel this low,
I am weak and selfish.

The chains you wear around your heart are fastened tight,
You forbid the essence of love and compassion to enter,
You fear the inevitable and bitter sting of heartbreak,
But there is only so much you can hide before those chains will break.

The sudden rush of desire encases you,
Ensnaring the senses you have so cunningly controlled,
Can you feel it?
The stirring in your chest,
The flutter of butterflies in the cage beneath your skin,
The muscles in your stomach tensing as you control the peculiar feeling
Of something that you have alienated yourself from,
A foreign body that seems farther than the edges of the universe.

The chains around your heart have loosened,
And now you have embodied the embrace of love.

I never knew that friendships would become battles,
How close connections can blow up in your face,
Leaving your body and your soul scarred and maimed.
Memories are mines buried deep beneath the surface of your brain,
Exploding when an emotion treads heavily upon it,
Painful,
Upsetting,
Numbing.

It seems that they can be destroyed just as quickly as they are built,
As each brick is stacked
Another two are torn down.

There are dark sides to friendship,
They convey their kindness and trust
But beneath the surface there are tremors
Growing into earthquakes,
Transformed into chaos.

I feel trapped under the rubble they have thrown on me,
**And they have left me to die.

Raindrops collide with the fogged glass of my window,
I stare out,
Acknowledging their desperation to enter
But dismissing them because I am too selfish
To let go of the warmth.
A cup of tea rests on the desk,
Steam rising and vanishing
Like waves at sea,
The grey clouds roll across the horizon outside,
Releasing their tears across the sky,
Crying from days of an endless pilgrimage
To a salvation only the people with their feet
On the ground can fathom.
There is an aching in my bones,
From seeing the world turn to
An empty canvas when only hours before
It burst with a breathtaking vibrancy
Of blue skies and blazing sunshine.
The storm clouds roll in,
The stars will never illuminate
When the day time falls to its knees
And the moon is alive,
The wolves will never howl
As the thunder grabs the land
And bangs it like a drum,

All that I wait for now
Is for the candles to blow out,
For the tea to cool down
And for the sun to return again.

Verse One
Sometimes life gets hard and you want to throw it all away,
Let the passion and the happiness just fade to grey,
Lock up all your troubles and throw away the key,
Bury them beneath the soil so nobody would see

Chorus
Oh it's OK to be in pain,
Don't ever feel ashamed,
To cry all through the night with a broken heart,
To play back all the memories you had from the start,
Darling I'll be by your side,
You never have to hide,
Another secret tear rolling down your face,
Another shallow breath 'cause it's more than you can take,
I'll be here everyday

Verse Two
Sometimes it takes a little longer to take a step forward again,
From standing in the past and holding it together like a chain,
Take off all the worries that are pulling you to the ground,
When you're feeling lost I promise you will always be found

Chorus**
Oh it's OK to be in pain,
Don't ever feel ashamed,
To cry all through the night with a broken heart,
To play back all the memories you had from the start,
Darling I'll be by your side,
You never have to hide,
Another secret tear rolling down your face,
Another shallow breath 'cause it's more than you can take,
I'll be here everyday

The pain will go away,
One more step,
One more day.

Stars in my eyes,
But scars on my thighs,
Dreams of travelling,
But despair is unravelling,
Want to have a taste of cultural symbolism,
Too focused on a fast metabolism,
Tell everyone I'm doing OK,
Would rather fade away,
Apparently I've made people proud,
But I don't really see how,
Don't tell me I will succeed,
When pressure is the last thing I need.

Her soul explodes into a million hands clapping,
Skin touching skin,
A sonic blast of euphoria.
They scream her name,
Lion hearts that are aflame like
The dormant phoenix that
Resided inside her for so long.

Too many times she has cried the tears of a clown,
But now the applause will be the one to calm her aching anguish.

Clap
Scream
Clap
Cheer
Clap
Tear apart the ones who tried to shoot her down.
*Give her the round of applause that she lives for.

The next few days will be silent,
The articulation of sorrowful poetry
Will be yet another whisper carried by the wind.
My body will be missing,
My heart will be gone,
My soul will be waiting for them both to come back.

I won't be gone for long,
And soon they will all be united,
And together they will help me
Continue to articulate that sorrowful poetry.

But for now, I must take a journey back to the place where my inspiration is hanging by golden strings.
**I am returning home and not a single piece of poetry will escape my mind until I come back.

I was promised the stars,
And so, without hesitation,
I looked to the sky
In search for the perfect one.

I scanned every inch,
Eager eyes flicking
Through a catalogue
Of constellations,

Then I found it,
A celestial beauty
Somewhere between
Orion's Belt and beyond.

Take me down to the river's edge,
To pray and clear the monster's from my head,
To watch the water slide against the shore,
Personifying the real world:
Disorientated reflections,
Burdens like the pebbles that drag along the riverbed,
Carried by the undulating current beneath the waves
Like a pulse beneath transparent skin,
All slowly but surely heading towards the ocean,
A wide open space
Freedom.

Throw me into the river,
Watch me as I drift away,
Let me reach the ocean
So I can have that freedom too.

I told the world I'll be alright,
The headlines bleed these lies tonight,
I'm putting up a pretty good fight,
Against another teenage controversy.

People don't need to know my name,
The life story or my desire to change,
Or why I feel so ashamed,
Of a broken mind and an urge to leave.

Mum had told me I'll be just fine,
But it is only a matter of time,
Before I step across the line,
And find my sanity behind prison bars.

Sitting in the corner of the room,
Cigarette in one hand,
Black coffee in the other,
Caffeine
Nicotine

The perfect combination.

The sun is melting into the horizon, merging with the darkening landscape,
Like a flame being extinguished as it is plunged into water,
The luminescent glow of the laptop throws shadows against the wall,
Pinned up by gravity.

The relentless scrolling through images of pretty girls and pale shades,
Vibrant foods and tranquil nature,
I wonder which one I should reblog
All of them.

The cigarette continues to burn,
Plumes of ashen smoke consuming the scent of ancient wood and faded paint.
Raindrops begin to tear at the window,
Fogging up the glass,
Echoing through the hallowed halls.

The coffee is gone,
It warms my veins.
I suppose I better make another cup
**After all, this is what I do for a living

Words are more than sounds that are born from simple shapes the mouth make, more than mere vibrations that have spilled from your voice box and into the open air.
Words are vessels which can cradle feelings of beauty and happiness.
Other times it can be a syringe which injects poisonous and deadly thoughts into the brain.

*I think it is safe to say I have had my fair share of these doses.

Chain me to the ground,
I'm looking down
At the jagged rocks below,
Hold your breath,
There's still so much left,
I've just got to take things slow.

Steady mind,
I must be kind,
And be as patient as I can be.
Control the shaking,
The time needs taking
To find the better person in me.

I've picked a fight with the wrong emotion,
I've fallen flat on my face,
And yet I'm still so full of devotion,
To kicking it's *** into place.
Put yourself back in line,
You're just embarrassing yourself,
I really don't have the time,
To take your stuff from the shelf.
Biting at my ankles for attention,
Clawing at my arms for some love,
Wrapped your hands around my neck from the tension,
But I'll beat you if push comes to shove.

Oh how sorrow takes its toll,
Losing all control,
We'll be forever unkind,
We're losing our fragile minds.
  
Making up a tragic tale,
Of how we managed to fail,
To smile in the holy light,
And hid our faces in the eternal night.

Break the fall with a thought of survival,
But hit the ground with no hope of revival,
Respiration is a distant memory,
As life on Earth is only temporary.

Verse One
You can see it in the dark,
There's a flame without a spark,
There are voices beyond the dying flames,
I'm the ocean, you're the stream,
I'm the wake up, you're the dream,
We are broken and want to be the same,

Chorus
Flaws are only open when you hate,
Changing yourself is the only bond you break,
Our skin is more perfect than in our heads,
Imperfections can be your perfect friend,
We are only human.

Verse Two
I'm the bridge and you're the swing,
Disconnected from everything,
I'm the mountain who splits the sky apart,
Don't try to run or try to hide,
Loneliness is all you'll find,
The doors are closing on your fragile heart,

Chorus
Flaws are only open when you hate,
Changing yourself is the only bond you break,
Our skin is more perfect than in our heads,
Imperfections can be your perfect friend,
We are only human.

Bridge
Open,
Keep on hoping,
Open,
Keep on coping

Chorus**
Flaws are only open when you hate,
Changing yourself is the only bond you break,
Our skin is more perfect than in our heads,
Imperfections can be your perfect friend,
We are only human.
We are only human .

I have tried so hard to stay afloat,
But right now I could easily cave in
And let the waves push me down,
Let the current pull me to the bottom
Of the ocean and leave me there to die.

I am trying to keep myself alive to help
The ones I love the most from dying,
I can't bear the thought of losing them,
But in the process I am losing myself
Because I feel helpless and useless.
I fear that I can't do enough because I'm not strong
Enough to fight for them.
I feel like I have let everybody down.
But I'm not giving up yet.

I'm not letting you in,
Not a chance,
Out of luck
I've locked up the doors,
The windows are barred,
I'm sorry, but you're a little bit stuck.

Keep banging all you want,
I can't hear you at all,
I'm too busy living my life,
You won't be the one to make me fall.

Call the cops, that's fine,
But we'll see who gets arrested,
And who ends up in a darkened room,
Interrogated and continuously tested.
I'll be sat with the jury,
Smiling as you try to plead not guilty,
You cry and you beg like an idiot,
But we need people in the world less filthy.

I walk away,
You walk the line,
I'm sat at a bar,
You're behind prison bars,
I'm secure at home
While you're secured in handcuffs.

Flares light up the dark,
Like fireworks on the Fourth of July,
Calling out for help,
But we're drowned out by the siren's cries.

This is an S.O.S.,
Can anybody hear us?
We're in an awful mess,
Our hands are waving above our heads.

The captain has gone down with his ship,
And we're left on the boats to survive,
These flares that we have set off for you,
Are our last chance to stay alive.

Tell her that you love her when you go,
Put it in the papers so that everybody knows,
Pretty she will feel when she's on your arm,
Calm her nerves when she's alone,
And keep her safe from harm,


Chorus
Don't you think she's such a keeper?
You should keep her,
Angelie you know he cares so open the door,
Don't you see she's scared to believe you?
Oh you need to,
Angelie he wants you back so don't cry any more

Verse Two
Angelie don't shut him out again,
Listen to his reasoning, he wants to be your friend,
Those photographs you left to burn in flames,
Is past the point of no return, it'll never be the same,

Chorus
Don't you think she's such a keeper?
You should keep her,
Angelie you know he cares so open the door,
Don't you see she's scared to believe you?
Oh you need to,
Angelie he wants you back so don't cry any more

Bridge
I wish you could stay strong,
I wish that you were wrong,
I wish that she could see,
That she meant everything to me,
Angelie

Chorus
Don't you think she's such a keeper?
You should keep her,
Angelie you know he cares so open the door,
Don't you see she's scared to believe you?
Oh you need to,
Angelie he wants you back so don't cry any more

And after she moved on,
He knew that she was gone,
He wanted to propose,
A ring that's made of rose gold,
Angelie you never gave the chance to say goodbye,
Another hopeless romance left to die

I hear the rain outside,
A million tears splashing against concrete,
Transparent stains that bleed a spectrum
To wash out the grey scale world.

Footsteps tremble in the puddles,
Drops of ice caressing my skin,
The sunshine in my heart
As I dance to the music of nature
Like Gene Kelly

The dark clouds roll above my head,
But there's a smile on my face
And I imagine the clap of thunder
To encourage the crescendo
Of dance and music
As my clothes are soaked
And my bones quiver.

But nothing matters
*I'm dancing and singing in the rain.

I was stupid to think I'd last this long,
Actually manage to break a smile,
To laugh and be cheerful,
Be myself for once.
But it's all come rushing back to me
And has hit me in the face.
Black eye,
Bleeding nose,
Split lip
Reminds me of what happened last year
And now I feel an overwhelming urge
To just run out of the door
And into the road
And stay there.
To just lay against the icy tarmac
And not feel like my thoughts
Are suffocating me
And pulling me in different directions
Cut
Die
Get help
Don't tell anyone
Stupid
You need to talk
You'd be better off dead

I can't switch it all off,
Even when I sleep it haunts me in my dreams.
I'm drowning.

Last night I had a dream
That I was
F
A
   L
    L
     I
     N
      G.

I wasn't falling down,
Nor falling in love,

I fell  a p  a   r    t.

It started slowly at first,
A single thread that fell out of place,
But then each strand expanded,
From inches to infinity,
Revealing flesh,
Bone
And the unwanted parts in-between.

Like Time and Space
I continued,
Relentlessly uncurling
Until I was nothing more
Than a tightwire
That even my heart
Could never walk.

How is it possible for someone to contain so much hatred?
To be able to haul his heavy load around on his shoulders
Yet manage to make himself appear weightless and untouched?

Why does he find it necessary to drag others down into the Earth
And attempt to suffocate them until they are a distant memory?
Place them in a noose and playfully wrap his fingers around the lever that equals
Life or death?

Did he sell his soul to the devil just so that he could have the unfathomable power
To search and destroy a person multiple times until they are less than dust?

Your desperate attempt to cause utter destruction,
To tear down every last brick that holds her heart together
Right down to the foundation of her love and compassion
Is causing a revolution.

**Remember how many soldiers stand against her while you are left to cower in the tallest tower, crafted by the loathsome and insidious hate that you have let consume you.