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You think I rub my arms over and over again
because it’s a little chilly and I should have worn a sweater,
but really I need to distract myself from the reflection
of you playing cat’s cradle with her fingers and nuzzling
your kiss into her wild hair. It’s not me who’s there even though
when the moon’s face wears the night to it’s annual masquerade
you’re the one who’s reaching out to me. Maybe we don’t kiss
but we don’t have to, because our souls have been suspended
above our heads like mistletoe and you chose
a long, long time ago to hold her instead of me. And you think
I’ve found recovery in the time, found separation
between the summers, but I tuck my hair behind my ears
and crush my lips back into my teeth not out of habit
but so that I don’t scream, That was supposed to be me!
That was supposed to be me. You know, too, or else you wouldn’t
recall some stupid puddle memory just so I’ll cling
to that last ember in the bottom of my heart and light it on fire.
So I’ll be the one to remind you of the frame you cut from my soft cedar
to put her in. You can turn my light down. I’ve got nothing for you now.
It's painful to know that you meant everything to me and I meant nothing to you.
I am unable to explain the pain you caused me -
I mean, you ripped open my chest and grabbed my heart like picking a flower from the grass; you showed me off in a pretty vase for people to see, but all that I wanted
were your eyes on me.
Then, when you had me for so long and my petals withered and fell and my stem arched with the weight of your voice, you took me from the vase and tossed me away like I was nothing; you just left me all alone, and it's hard because sometimes- well at all times - I think of you, and how you would laugh at my jokes with a sound that made flowers grow in my heart or how you would trace patterns on my skin with your finger tips - my god I wish they had scarred just to give me proof that you were real, that we belonged to eachother, but the marks faded as you left and you didn't even tell me why,
what did I do but give you all I could?

Now every day I just watch you from afar and you act as though nothing ever happened between us, like the nights I stayed up with you and held you as you cried were washed away like the tears on your face or how the fire in our souls would run through our veins like flames when we made love were now ash that got caught in the wind, And it ******* hurts you know, because I lay awake at night wishing you were next to me, stuck in this oblivion of nothing, you moved on like I was merely a word in your book when you were the reason I wrote mine -  how could you drag me from hell just to throw me straight back in without a care in the world?  
I don't know how long the pain will last but
I hope it ends soon because
I can't ****** g breathe without you
idk my pen didn't stop
i hate how you made me feel
you lit me up like a match,
made me feel wonderful,
passion burning and fire running
through my veins with this
new found excitement and love
but then you breathed,
words spoke to harsh, to rough
and my fire went out,
i was left damaged,
wounded and a waste of a match
tossed to the floor for you to pick
another one out of the box
you do the same with it
but this one lights your cigarette,
this one gives you what you need,
a fix, the adrenaline rush
but i could not
i am recycled trash,
made a new but still the same.
the same thoughts, the same feelings-
feelings for you and sometimes i think of us,
sometimes i wonder, why didn't i light your cigarette?
why was i tossed away
like i meant nothing to you?
it turns my heart to dust to
think you meant everything to me
when to you i was nothing more than a burnt out match
 Dec 2014 Katherine schemelski
AS
Hey babe,
I've heard once,
some words coming out
your **** mouth,
you were telling me,
and all the others,
how I've been everything to you.
So tell me now,
when you don't have me
anymore,
does that mean:
you have
*nothing?
yeah,I like being ***** sometimes
Let me love you. Let me make out with you, then trail my lips from your neck all the way down to just above the waistband of your underwear. Just imagine the feeling of my lips hovering just above that sweet spot where your hot desire is growing. My warm breath across your skin, my lips and tongue and gentle touch in the perfect spot, igniting a flame in the deepest depths of you, striking a match in your heart. Imagine my hands under your thighs, just slightly holding your legs up while I kiss and lick and ****. Imagine how the warmth and tingling sensation will travel up your spine and into your head and back down your chest while you breathe, heavy and sporadic. Imagine how much harder you'll get when you see me come up to breathe, smirking smugly, my **** in the air, covered in lacy *******, my hair a mess from you sliding your hands in and out of it, my lips wet, my ******* aching hard and straining my bra. Think about running your hands all along those full curves, like two berries, ripe and ready to be picked. Hold them gently, as if one too-tight squeeze could break them. Kiss my lips as if one too-hard kiss could shatter them to pieces like a wineglass on a wooden floor. Touch me like I'm made of porcelain and listen to me moan "I love you. I love you. I love you."
Do you miss me now?
Slowly made her way into my heart,
But so fast to leave me stranded.
Allowing myself to care whole-heartedly,
Only to be heartbroken by the person
Who once made me feel complete.

Her smiles and hugs used to fill me
With happiness, but now only
Bring a great source of pain.
How can she be so happy, while
Removing the smile off my face?

Letters of love written to me,
Each word now meaningless sentiment;
Every word written was a lie.
Said that she loved me too much to hurt,
Now she's knife deep into my heart.

Promises of an everlasting love
Are all broken. Her love for me is lost.
Or maybe I am too foolish, perhaps,
She never loved me at all...
Such a misery to have an unrequited love.
If I had Audrey Hepburn's class and elegance, would I catch your eye when we passed each other in a morning rush?

If I had Elizabeth Taylor's eyes and body, would you stay a bit longer?

If I had the simple yet perfect beauty of Grace Kelly, would you wrap your arms around me at night and make me your princess?

And if you saw the lurking shadows and sensed the sadness behind my smile, just like Marilyn Monroe, would you leave me
all over again?
I don’t want to be
the fat kid on the seesaw
anymore

The let down
the crash into
the dirt

I want to build castles
in the sandbox

Maybe  
hang precariously
inverted

Or perhaps slide
perpetually

Or swing so high
I might go upside down

then just
let go into a freefall
jump
Be the barcode on my bra strap so maybe
I can finally be sellable skinny. Be my relationship goal,
the text to check outside my door, the 5k, 140 character post
about a teenage dream ****** through low brightness screens.
Be the slam poet screaming whiny, new written love songs
on the shareable Facebook post. And maybe I’m just as bad,
but at least I recognize when my eyes fall numb from staring
at self-expression turned self-obsession. Maybe it’s Jack talking back
through my shot glass or maybe it’s the blacklight absorbed
into my skin. Or maybe it’s a girl in a “vintage” dress just sizing out
bigger than the edges already cut out for her. Maybe it’s me
bending backwards over chivalry and **** coming back from the 90’s.
Don’t blame me for biting into the media sandwich that is magazines
and the indecision of being too clingy if I just freakin’ called you.
Cause picking up the phone is a lot more risky than the kissy-face emoji
at the end of a message. Don’t blame me for consuming
tissue paper lies designed to target my own vulnerability, or my lack
of understanding the truth because all everyone
has ever told me is just a step in the manipulation blueprint
to get what they want, or just get me to bed. I only trust old photographs,
things I wrote down when I couldn’t sleep, my mom, and the dirt
I used to bury my own reflection. Be the 50% off on my receipt
just so I know I got something off. Be the nicotine in my cigarette,
the Blink 182 voice inside my head, the joints that hold me up
where I stand, and maybe I’ll finally know who I am.
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