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Just GS Sep 2021
My mistake, i lost myself
I said I'd die for love but lied
My health declined
Forced sober eyes
My heart restarted -
Now misaligned
With hers to find
old grapes resurfaced
she turned to wine
Wine our trusty common ground
Held me close
Together again
A moment of zen
And then the crash
a sharp decent
Her health and her mask
Gone overnight
Daybreaks I awake alone
Amidst a vast mass of half recollections
Smashed glass and regret
She met me again for the first time and said with new found sober tongue
None of this was real, my dear, you and i we're fools - yes both of us
But between you and i (also anyone else if anyone asks) you are far more foolish having thought you could be loved
My mistake, i forget who i am
Pour another cup or 10
Let me buy us all another round
Strangers to friends
Grieving all the love i lack
Left behind, a burden of men
Perhaps she was the worse
What's worse is when she's gone and all I'm Left with is her words
this curse, it hurts to finally see   the love i give away in vain another's unrequited repentance and since it wasn't ment for us soon the moments gone
And so is everyone i love -- alone again and left with this thought i get everytime I'm down and out --I'm not enough, I've never even had enough  
My mistake, i lost, myself
Repeat that back again
I lost myself
With help from hurt
I mistook loss for love and caused a world of  pain
First for myself
And my mental health
My mistake, i tried to shake
Myself awake.
Alone is better after all
My mistake my life
too late
I lost
I took
Too much  
Thats my mistake
Not enough
I used to love me because i was loved. Theyre gone -and now i cant for the life of me see what they saw in me.
Just GS Aug 2021
I’m writing again (even though my thoughts as of late are convoluted)
When life seems bad I must admit I often bluff - what I need is almost in reach, still, I can’t seem to commit to pursuit -
Without some sort of proof my self-abuse has yet to absolutely ruin me - I’m annoyed by me and the way I keep trying to **** the time I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy
Self-sabotage & procrastination have taken a toll that weighs heavily on my family, heart, soul and my mindset’s always secretly tragic -
love ones I have left lately all say I owe them now, like they can tell I’m on a spiral down with no faith I can change only hopes they’ll collect before I meet my casket
I can’t even bring myself to ask that they bare with me, please -
I know it seems at times I’m not even trying, I assure you that’s a misunderstanding
I keep hemorrhaging money same story as last month maybe find some peace in few more weeks (I fear my optimism’s been misplaced and goals I’ve set are too demanding)
Just GS Aug 2021
Change My Mind
(but not my heart)
Burning bridges that don’t lead to where you need to be is more than fine -
If you paid for their negativity with your spare peace then you don’t owe them anymore of your time
Regardless of what people say or imply what’s true - you are the most important person the whole world wide; to you.
Strange thing’s same goes for me, as well -
We live to learn and we learn to grow.
Caring shouldn’t hurt, and yet, here we are.
Just GS Aug 2021
I made a deal with my depression that if it left me alone I wouldn’t question it’s obsession with the pain that I hold..
I feel it must’ve missed the message lately it’s been constantly calling me, cursing me -
Telling me it hurts to breathe, I’m tired but I’m awake afraid of dreams that reoccur while I am asleep.
It says I’m weak and no one loves me, I’m just a burden to bare on everybody that I care about and I’d be better off dead.
Says ‘it’s okay to be a quitter, remember last time you tried?’
I thought for half a second and before I could reply
‘That’s what I thought’ it cut me off ‘you sit in one place going nowhere just spinning your wheels - you would love to buy a boat but wont, always wanted your own house but nowhere ever felt like home, you love her but she’ll never know it, so what?—admit it she’s better off being kept in the dark ..then again you never know, she might need laugh at the expense of your heart.
You lazy wishful waste of bones, my god, you’re such a joke and even if it’s you she choose that would go to show that love you hold is just a lie - would you respect her while she says she loves you?
No—I assure you that
the love you felt would surely die.’
‘Why wont you just leave me be?’ I asked and begged for mercy
Without a moment passing depression laughed at last it hurt me.
‘I’m not even real —it’s you that you’ve been hurting.’
Grabbing for my medicine seen my sight was getting blurry
‘You took too much - remember now? Ignoring me wasn’t working. I was all that you had left - making deals with me instead of facing facts - regrets you just left to fester. Crying you tried but that’s a lie only you would buy still vain enough attempt to protect it. Always looking to blame and push peers away - then victimize your own demise like somehow a lack of love or not enough affection was reason for your grand escape - when it was you who failed to mention, you needing help your pride was beyond this intervention. Now there’s no one to blame, too late for a change - as you reach for your phone now you’re practically dead- dial 911 for attention. Tell them it’s me, i made you believe that life was wasted on you- put the pills in your hand told you take them—‘
“911 what is your emergency?”
With half a breath left the last thing i said
“Mis.take.help”

I then awoke alone, in my bed the voice now gone.

Relief for the dream as real as it seemed was just that same old dream.
No need to be alarmed, I’m up now - get ready for another day of mindless work, turn on a lamp and light a smoke-forget the fact the power’s overdue. Ash my cigarette atop a stack of boating magazines i acquired as a muse - thoughts of my boss cross my mind (that ****) just bought a yacht brand new doesn’t know how much I do. If I wasn’t there they’d be so *******, no one can do what i do. Drop my smoke in last nights last glass of rye and make my way to my mirror where I contemplate a shave. Stubble is fine, i just wet my face and skip the soap. Gargle a bit of no name Scope in hopes it hides the smell of whiskey, nicotine but mostly just my shame.
Make my way to a bus i cannot miss. Sit three seats away from this girl i see each day. I’m half awake and always rushed and so i never ask her name. Looking down at a broken phone trying to wrap my head around this weather. If it rains it seems i always forget my **** umbrella then again the sun might shine a bit to bright while of course i forgot my shades - and just watch, you’ll see, later it will be way too warm to wear this sweater.
She usually does crosswords - she’s so pretty and smart
A moment to catch my breath and thoughts this is where she gets off, that means the next stop is my stop
Smile, single file three get off i wait so i am last - the first guy makes the same bad joke everyday i fake a laugh - step out on the sidewalk make my way to make a buck. Another day like everyday before it - repeats so i feel stuck.
I tell myself my luck will change as long as i put up - with all these friendly faces counting down the days till payday - tinker with the idea i might get away for a couple nights take in some sights unseen
Knowing that i never will but its a nice warm thought to think.
Made it through a monday with hope infatuation meets my eye - on the bus back to my place although I’ve never seen her ride on my afternoon commute. Still, i felt a familiar pang of hope today she might then for sure i could finally introduce myself.
Disappointment as we fly past her stop - I’m always so busy. Too busy for love. Never enough time, and time is a cost i can not afford while i walk a couple of blocks to corner store internally *******. Alone in my thoughts about all that I’m missing. Pick up my brand of smokes they went up, can’t buy a magazine thanks to prices they want - still have a bottle back up in my flat. I suppose that can wait now ill make my way back. All the while i keep wondering why, cigarettes cost so much - it’s a plant thats dried up. Alone back at home i turn on some tunes look out the window to stare, it will do even my radios antenna is in need of repair. They don’t make em like they used to i quip to myself - drink until I forget the fact that I’m afraid to sleep -
And that’s why a while back
I made a deal with my insomnia, if it let me unwind I’d only pop a couple pills a night but i find nowadays it all seems foggy like I’m losing my mind - weather hasn’t changed since I can’t recall, the bus and those who ride it also all are the same.
Anxiety is racing now my hearts beating fast - grab a glass a water a drink it all back. Look in to the mirror and close my eye to forget.

This is where i live now.
Forever this is it.
Just GS Aug 2021
Resentments I bought with the last of my wage
Paid for in full still I owe her some change
Reluctantly propose another misguided truce
Stuck in a loop of mutual abuse
When i leave she finds pain only i can relieve (or so she pleads and claims)
I return to find more hurt in exchange for her relief
I wave a white flag
Save a bit of face (or at least just mask some shame)  
Tomorrow might i find a way to hate her same as she has shown today?
So, maybe, when she begs again for me to return to her or stay - i can draw some strength before it’s gone on and on so long that fate finds it’s too late —
To find respect in my reflection as i mirror old mistakes - impossible, and it seems I need not only leave her as I’ve escaped a thousand times and time and time again results have proven plain as day that I’m hopeless and insane- i need to forgive myself for how i feel and felt (find faith in me again)
Admit that this was never love and above all stay away
Aug 2021 · 229
Equal; still wrong
Just GS Aug 2021
If you want some context for my last text best to ask my next ex then my last one again next
Maskless just like way back, i missed that yet I’m seeing sides which  i wish i could forget
Mixed with the definite scent of yesterday’s ******-breath
One look of regret and then it turns to a threat
Maybe it’s me, maybe not (I’m perplexed  - is it worth the broken life that’s mine i die to save by getting out alive meanwhile my loved ones wish me dead)
No one need change - best guess we best just leave alone, strangers instead we both find love with another without each other’s ghosts
I wished them all well and all the while they wish me so much less

I
Give  Take
III          I
She
Lives  for free from fake love
I digress
We
Hate this
Almost as much as
We
Hate us

I meet in the middle having made half of the mess with my neglect - my best guess:
I’ll be left with less than i request when I swallow what pride that i have left for a chance to protect
all those lies of love she spun from spite and her need to be perceived as right -
No fight is worth the loss of time we waste on hate to feed our egos we go way too far to ever find ground equal
Jun 2021 · 513
Tomorrow Will Be Better
Just GS Jun 2021
You are a beautiful soul.
Behind the walls you build to protect your pain and all the tiny pieces of you you’re afraid to misplace is a perfect slate - a place for you to make  great.
Blank, untainted by mistakes made yesterday -
Today you can choose to escape away & stay here (no sorrow to fuel them so regrets just might maybe let up) hear me, please, believe me when i say:
Tomorrow will be better.
Dec 2020 · 88
Happy Wallowdays
Just GS Dec 2020
I wanted to die this time last year
Humbug, my love’s gone - the same as my cheer
I keep meeting women quick to wish me away
Then they cry & claim abandonment like ‘why didn’t you stay?’
Reducing my friends list with her inbox to blame
Scrolling through pictures though faces are strange
Connect me to something worthwhile to feel
Show me a status that makes magic real
Nov 2020 · 46
20/20
Just GS Nov 2020
Rinse off in the rain
Same story insane
Told again and again
A close romance with death I blame
Life; and though it’s priceless - I’m broke with no change
I wish I had the guts to take the leap and end this silly circus
Still I’m trying not to notice that i must have missed my purpose
If i die from laziness, my hernia from work will
Serve as a reminder some important things are worthless
Dedication when misplaced is a test not worthwhile grading
Looking back to waste more time on memories I’m facing
Somehow, will slow down the clock, my cowardly replacements
Kept yesterday’s like bite sized snacks unwrapped left just littered basements
Depression gives a lesson that is better left unlearned
I have no gifts peers wish I’d give, just random seeds that need no dirt
Sep 2019 · 122
Trauma & Roses
Just GS Sep 2019
I attempt a smile though my heart has it's doubts
It's true I'm a liar, still please hear me out
I'm in love with a dream
Forgetful me forgot to sleep
No peace of mind to share or show
I hurt all those who get too close
I told her I loved her for whatever it's worth
Omitted I don't know how to love without hurt
Aug 2019 · 100
A Martyr's Smile
Just GS Aug 2019
Best try & impress her with a lesser intention
Karma's seen me digress to a non worthwhile mention
Trade me your burdens (I'll take the whole lot)
I will not complain, the pain made me strong
Ruined your day just to make an excuse
[&] Leave you unchained from thoughts that I've got
**** me with those words that cure me for now
Love me never (I'm better off gone)
Jun 2019 · 119
3:19 am
Just GS Jun 2019
I love to see her smile, though I rarely smile back
I doubled up my *** and then I tripled up my Jack
Grabbed a pack of cigarettes
Like cancers what I lack
Told her I'd return when the devil's off my back
She said she'd leave the porch light on, and I love this girl for that
Just GS Jun 2019
Write me off, that's fine - if I'm honest, your eyes are not why I've bled blue on loose leaf for all these years.
I gave away a rough draft of my life and skipped the polish - yeah, I get that I'll never be published, and to you, my words likely look like incoherent ******* because I'd surely be full on illiterate if it wasn't for spellcheck & this stupid heart of mine.
My goal wasn't to be relatable (it was always for me so I could go back if and when I needed a reason to breathe I'd reread to see how far I've come) and so (I have no grand delusions of "success" or even dreams of recognition) I know I will never be a great writer -
A lonely man's truth has never been a valuable commodity.
I just wanted to let you know that I've seen your poetry & it's simply beautiful in all it's intricate complexities -
and mine is what it's always been (and bare with me now, as I attempt a metaphor) my ol' trusty lifejacket.
It just helps keep me from sinking all the way down to rockbottom.

Thank you all for sharing, I like to think I have a good idea what your words mean to you - and for some of us they might just mean everything.

And for now, I'll leave you with this


Dear Poet,
If you ever feel the urge to give up, just remember that if you do, everything you went through will have been for another man's (or woman's) kindling.
Jun 2019 · 856
for my love, unknown
Just GS Jun 2019
Dearest friend (I've yet to meet),

Who was I kidding?
As if I somehow missed the message --
Childish, my reply sent said:

'shoot! I'm sorry - I must have forgot to hit send'

- I'm the loser who let you wonder for a minute if I meant it (but don't give another thought) a moment longer you'll realize.. I'm lying, I'm a liar (spoiler alert)

I hate to break it to you, today, I really couldn't care less  - yesterday you were all I had left, tomorrow maybe fate will finally bless me, find me dead as I felt inside since I can remember and I'll be at peace with knowing I left you alone.... 
I know, I know.....
We talked for hours, I told you who i really was.. that was just a test - when u got back to me I honestly  almost instantly lost all interest. (Caught a catch 22)
Listen closely (or rather, read carefully) you know I said I love you and that is still the truth (for what its worth, you're welcome) but what you may not know is that i resented you for the fact that you said you love me back (believe me it hurts to say the truth) so my reaction may seem a bit unexpected, know I know I left you with less than you deserve - but this was the only gift I could afford.


I'm unavailable & miserable with the mess I've made for me (trauma tethered me to someone I will never take the leap to try to be me with)

Ask around you'll find my reputation is deplorable - I only ever take (and take and take) 
-- kind of like taxes, most people HATE taxes (no matter how necessary they may be)

I was never meant to be so painfully average - i was born of greatness (trust me, my folks were basicly the best) nurtured my mediocrity on purpose to avoid the pressures of the "life" i should have (could have) led - you say it's not too late - 
Satan's screaming 'she's a liar, you're a waste, take her, keep her here with us'
I look to Christ for sage advice -
'You best just keep your distance, shes a lover but she knows not what she says - she speaks from a place you've never really been welcome - and if she knew everything you took from her, remember, she's only human, and..well.. I think you understand..'
He was right, I know - (Lucifer's a ****, despite the fact he's generally always atleast half right)
You're too beautiful - my reflection is hideous..
I resist all kinship, we could have shared because love hurts so much (or so I've witnessed) 
when goodbyes 
(Even those one might call over due) 
Sneak up and bite us, we are the ****** and cursed the worst and best of us survivors - alike (this is a fact, even if they never ever find common ground sturdy enough to build on, it's there - everyone feels pain from loss -- and the amount of pain between mortals is suprisingly more irrelevant than it is relative)
and we will feel loss, all of us (even the unloved and especially the forgotten)
Someone is always left behind,
I would do anything to outlive all my loved ones (and so I sought immortality) - because I know how it feels to lose them (the gifted, the gone-to-soons) and know this, loneliness scares me a hell of a lot less than transfering pain (undoing all the happiness I meant to spread from my plastic bag filled with good intentions) to some poor soul whose silly enough to feel for me even half of what I felt for them.

I regret this profession I was given - every day it gets harder to convince myself that I'm a good guy, just trying to do my job. Someone has to do it and from what I can tell: 
gods plan is just a rough draft, edited frequently and it's up to no one to really understand it, and yet, everything revolves around it. 
.. and I mean everything. 
Including me,
The Reaper (although, I dislike the title because it insinuates I am absolutely the only one like me.
I often fantasize that I am one of many others, 
maybe they're on other planets or different planes who knows..but I can tell you with absolute certainty that I've yet to meet another like me.)

I guess we all have a purpose - is what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, I should run.. I have a million and some odd funerals to attend this week alone. 


Signed sincerely -
Your friend,
Death

P.s. I will wait for you, there's really no rush for us to meet ♡
If you've made it this far, congratulations! You're 100% alive.
Jun 2019 · 203
Binary Amnesty
Just GS Jun 2019
Fortunately for me
I forgive you
Tortured intestines
Twisting obsessions
Life is changing
& people grieve change
Leaving love behind (in favor of inclusion - memorialized by comment sections)
All alone I cloned our burdens
Told myself your faults were somehow mine to bare aswell
I forgave you -

Will it help?
I really hope it helps
If love is heaven, hatred is hell - and enjoying others hurt is surely evil.
Jun 2019 · 396
Old habits
Just GS Jun 2019
(Today)
I made a list of things
in which
I can live without
and found
you came
to mind first
but I couldn't bring
myself
to
write
your name
down.
Writing for poets is painful.
Love you all and thank you.
Just GS May 2019
Isn't this what you wanted -
This voice, does it help?
No matter, what's been written -
Best keep it to yourself
Your words, yes you with the pen -
Tell truths best unsent, let it die
You opened this door,
To a world made to hide
Friends who knew better
Gone, left you behind
Family, leave them
Less burdened by whys
Madness, you have it -
They need not admire
Talk to yourself
Alone they are fine
I said, talk to yourself
Alone they're just fine
I wish you all the best.
May 2019 · 152
bad poetry & cheap liquor
Just GS May 2019
Fickle me, sick of these nickels and dimes
I do less to change me, I'm just here to die
Hoping she finds me, impossibly fine
Told her I am okay, please, leave me inside
I just need some rest, I woke up real tired -
Really, dont worry - I'll see you tonight.
Smile for the camera, make sure it's wide
Pain in my chest, says 'I hate you- you liar'
Context, I can't stress it's leftover pride
Dinner, I missed it - still dishes seem higher
Can't seem to fix this so I set that aside
Retire, required to drop her a line
- no less than two texts 'I love you' I find
Is best to send first, as to fetch no reply -
Give her a bit, or maybe, a while
Next I send 'raincheck, I promise' this time
I've run out of reasons, believe me - I'm trying
Though everything hurts, it was worthwhile for mine
Blinds are low so I'm alone -
So sorry while I hide
Unattached, i forgot her laugh
Imagine my surprise -
She texts me last 'I love you back.
Sweet dreams and good night'
Too late for me to tell the truth
Much less make things right
Tomorrow, maybe, compose some peace of mind
Messy blessings, unattended still alive
& a loss I couldn't stand to lose, please, let me down to die
None can change the face  I see when looking her eyes
& I fear her near me - alone, just her and I
Would only bring her close to me - my pain, my claims, insane we'd try
Better left unsaid I guess, even if only for tonight
Just GS May 2019
It's getting hard to breathe
- anxious thoughts I wish they'd stop
Put this pen to bed
Admit I've got to talk
With someone in a position
To finally make a diagnosis
Instead I write about it
Ashamed to really show it
Lousy me, I claim to grow
I dissect my life, my mess
In to pieces I can chew
Today I can't digest
So, i just write the same old tune
No poetic message here
No blessings seen or sent
No tears, no smiles
Just hopes in time, time finally helps
May 2019 · 164
steps without the stages
Just GS May 2019
Mercy please -
I pleaded as if I believe
A God could care less
Of whom I have left
Why (much less, yet, if) I breathe
What's worse, when I dream -
It's cruel as can be, I see
A world in which you never left
(Where our eyes might meet but we don't get to speak)
Then that stupid, beautiful pain when I awake
Somehow suprised each and every time (perhaps this is mercy)
I take it back - sorry I asked
No mercy for me
The liar. The fool.
Ironic I swear it
I hate sleep and wear it
On my sleeve
Right next to where
My heart used to be
Could be more serendipitous than ironic if I'm being honest.
May 2019 · 139
Letting go together
Just GS May 2019
Wooden matches
Gas in plastic
Watch the flame
No one came
Willful chaos
Quick silent seance
Mr Burn his fear
And so,
In turn, he knows -
No man hurts alone
Still,
Ties elastic
Melt while
Dire ashes
Carry away
Everything
Until
Everything's gone
Except the burns
We share
Apr 2019 · 124
15 years ago today
Just GS Apr 2019
Lost for words -
Still I try
years have passed
& gone away
Rest in peace
A forgotten face
Etched in stone
Embered pain
Her ash long stained
My soul
Alone, alive disgraced
First love
First loss
My cross to bare
yet, no one knows
Just me and my ghosts
Just GS Apr 2019
Legitimately illegitimate me
Immediate wants perceived as needs
Filling voids to avoid my thoughts
Healthy hurts alone I'll rot
Buy me love I cant afford
Sold my soul a while ago
My employer's name is pain
Redacted last night today's the same
Mar 2019 · 286
My WorldPoetryDay
Just GS Mar 2019
Alive, a lie
Heaven sent
Wishful, why
I fear the light
Too long I'm wrong
To love tonight
I try to cry
No tears appear
I miss you here
Alone I’ll die
Fine, rewind
Relive your fears
Worse yet, regrets
Hearst left you're right
A life for mine
A line wayback
Unidentified
Blind – for I'm
Too old to fly
Too weak to attack
Too mad to react
Ill advised
By my old friends
I love to laugh, they hate to ask
Seems we have a lot to grasp
London summers sound real nice
Las vagas winter's crowds and lights
Maybe here has run it's course
Trust tomorrow grounds us both
Just GS Feb 2019
Featured today
More woe-is-me poetry
Feet hurt to wait
Formally known as grief
Habits to break
Torn from my old beliefs
Savage escapes
Warn folks who need see
Average joe make
Corners quick gracefully
Or maybe too quick
With crash and burns great to see
Well..maybe it's just me
Aren't crash & burns just so great to see?
Feb 2019 · 190
May gone in February
Just GS Feb 2019
We each play our fiddle while Babylon crumbles  -
The meek see no favor, waivers saved so we seem blessed
Deeds we invested
Lies now infested
Piles of chest pain
Vested til sweat hurt
****** the fibers
Soaks a new white shirt
Carried through brush and ruined her moms favorite sweater . . .
Dead souls we digress
Each and every one of us
When one of us
Ignores
Worse yet
When we complain about our inconveniences
Take away someone's time
Who need not listen -
Those, who, at a moments notice oversee a situation, supersedes your issues
Calm down ***** you are not the victim -
Maybe put the phone away -
Her name was May
She had a name

Her name was May
Feb 2019 · 100
Failed to mention
Just GS Feb 2019
Last night broke me
I’m coping though I hope you know
I came to be this loner so
I could breathe you see it’s not enough
Equal grief I preached
The liars listened
Seasons greet me with warm intentions
Guess we side on old affections
Leave the light on
Porch lit mentions
Sent my last text
Mixed up guessing
Can't connect with no exceptions
Ex Mr Worthwhile my lone exemption
That place in your heart its callous this section
Remember before life blindsided me
I could see the whole world in your eyes
Now all I see is contempt
Feb 2019 · 104
No Recent Activity
Just GS Feb 2019
I’m not my profile picture
I’m here for you but never there
A lot has changed, afraid it's true
I’m not the person that you once knew
I look in the mirror, a stranger stares back
Unkempt and stressed from blessings I missed
Lackluster eyes unfocused, broken
Hope when I sleep to never awake
Carry me off to where I was made
I am not my ugliest photo
Nor am I anyone's best guess
I have made my prison given words to impress
You take them please let me leave from these cages
Instagram gone away I’ll never come back
Last chance to chat snaps mask on for laughs back
Fall asleep like a creep with my face in your book
It took me too long to admit it, I’m missing everything
Trying to see everything on a cracked screen
Time killing to avoid how I feel
Vanities streaming, screaming believe me!
I see nothing new
I feel nothing real
Just GS Feb 2019
I must admit, my ego gets the best of me
More often than I care to tell
I dwell on things I can't control
Fall along with crowds I can’t escape
I hate this
Paperless prose I’ve found
Isolation made me strange perhaps
If I leave now will these walls fall down?
I beat myself up , she belittles me while
I gave her my heart I have nothing now
Feb 2019 · 105
broken records
Just GS Feb 2019
I might just disappear
Hollow Man
Abracadabra Deborah
We're gone
Sad songs drown me
Memories I allow
This is lost & found
Not show and tell
Lessons learnt me
Texts still hurt left unsent
I fell asleep and failed to call
In the morning I learned she left
And never ever coming back
Feb 2019 · 409
Convoluted brooding
Just GS Feb 2019
I’m less reckless than I once was
I love this messy house
My couch is broken
But it still reclines
I find at times my mood declines &
I write
Blood on the walls from last night's fist fight
God bless my opposition Jesus knows they need him
Don’t think I’m being conceited
Truth is I hate me more than you ever could, believe this  -
Clueless people complain I make them nervous
But I can't explain how much it hurts to know you're worthless
Still I try &
Write
My life is a casket I purchased from Costco  (cheap)
I laugh out loud til my sides hurt and also
fall asleep on backroads - alone at the wheel
just to feel something other then sorry
Just GS Jan 2019
Listen, I'm trying to see things positive and even though my Optometrist seems optimistic, I'm just not convinced -
Jan 2019 · 228
Untitled
Just GS Jan 2019
No work this morning, just me, my coffee and a little bit of music while Hope is in the other room still snoring
Late nights with my daughter make the days pain worthwhile I'll see
Finally found me kind of free from my own mind of constant grief
I was born optimistic now I miss that feeling that I could be
Anyone or anything
Mr. Make-it-work-for-now has a lot to learn
He just works to earn and eat
But not today -
Just GS Jan 2019
..and then it hit me like she used to do
We cant go back if we wanted to
Never lived worthwhile
Never knew we'd do --
Nothing much
Relax
Til were old enough
With a patch of grass
Pitch a tent and lie
With a handful of **** the pain
Wash down these pills with a gallon of rye
Jan 2019 · 132
Cheap 34 year old Liquor
Just GS Jan 2019
Wish I had the cure to this
Restless mess I've become
Love was just a lesson I guess
Now, I'm numb from the *** that I ingest
Less than three
Heart emojis
Close but never near
You and I knew we'd die
Suicide
My eyes red from tears I lack
She laughs
I do my best to not react
Inside I'm gone
Outside I'm fine
Portray potential
Essential lives -
I lost almost all of mine
So, they say, the good die young
Elder me will agree, I get worst with time
Dec 2018 · 97
Work in progress
Just GS Dec 2018
Socially ackward me
They say I talk weird (agreed)
Common ground i found on my dead neighbors stoop
This dormant torment i allowed in my bed chamber too
Sweet dreams, Thursday's the funeral
Suit and tie, don't cry - gone now see you soon though
Wonder why, but not too long
I love you all, play this song
To remember not to forget to see
Whatever helps, helps more without me
.
Backwards maybe but i won't say sorry
Last word will be yours don't worry
Hardly any reason to speak
Every time I see you I feel weak
In my knees these bees can't carry me
Unreasonable me still believes
They should
Dec 2018 · 152
Dim lit
Just GS Dec 2018
Word to the wise, were here to survive
Quick to surrender,  December will die
Remember me fondly
Recovering mine
Gone from this day
Wronged for my time
Livid were living
Hateful for why
Love is a sentence
No word can define
Learning to give when nobody cares
Earning to live and so why even try
Words too unwise, most would or will derive
Wits known to cover, another lost - once mine
Nov 2018 · 438
Subjectively, poetry
Just GS Nov 2018
Art is subject to inspection (unscheduled)
Started out suspects whose inventions we let alope
Messages sent out of love that we let go
Readers unknown still we feel like we met though
Raw and unbeautiful
Scars we don't let show
Scarfs with no winds blown
Broken Hope's forgotten dreams
Her father's daughter mother's mean
Seldom on purpose unpurposely
Stolen she knows not the poet is me
Told how awful I am;
Though, it's easy to see
it's awful are we
Yeah, how awful are we?
Sep 2018 · 111
The best part of waking up
Just GS Sep 2018
I see it's raining outside, here inside it's storming -
my heart has took a beating while the pain is mostly dormant
I feel it after happy dreams cuz i know i can't record them
Nothing like Folgers in your cup -another mourning morning
Sep 2018 · 121
Drowning in me
Just GS Sep 2018
Who knew the truth was just a noose wrapped up
Post mortem bruises, I'm ruined
I hope; in vain
I cope with me
Set free
Now I'm alone and clueless
Rhyming why with no one cares
Aug 2018 · 127
just going through motions
Just GS Aug 2018
A beautiful creep
Deny me my sleep
A wonderful dream
Life of a sheep
Wednesday broken-needy
Friday you feed me
Finely, we're eating.
Seasons change grieving
Saturday's screaming
Wake up fool you're bleeding!
Jul 2018 · 630
For My Daughter
Just GS Jul 2018
This is my dedication to depression
All the lessons learnt from unsent messages
Regrets to blessings
I remember everything
I used to sing T. Swift's junk
To see you smile and lift you up
Now i talk to walls in hopes im not alone
Who knows how crazy feels? I know -
I lost a piece of me when you had to leave
Rest in peace - you made me the best me
I've always been so proud of you
That will never change hope somehow you know it
Still, i suppose we'll all be sad for a moment
Til we all laugh together again, a toast -
I'm thankful for the pain that keeps you close
Dec 2017 · 162
The Memo
Just GS Dec 2017
Going forward remember I'm a marketing nightmare
Cruel, still, you'll find I most likely fight fair
Liars afraid when worlds collide
Dire straits aside fortune favors the blind
Looking back as if
I only could have been
Just a little tiny bit
More
Oblivious
Nov 2017 · 171
The Last November
Just GS Nov 2017
Don't you try to put me down
I always lie when you're around
I understand it's not your fault
Proof's 100 on the rocks
I talk alone and listen to you
Died inside, my lonely truth
Clueless you will never know
All I am; I've never shown
Oct 2017 · 468
Fall into winter
Just GS Oct 2017
The plan was simple enough to picture
Drink till I don't miss her
Dreams they come to taunt me
Caught my silent wanting
Truth be told I trust to much
Break me down to build you up
Season's changing gives me greif
Warn me - winter's still asleep
We dream alone
Of summer
A cold, unfunny joke
The punchline is the sunshine
We laughed till we awoke
Alone together
Me and winter
A recluse, abused and cold
Just GS Jun 2017
said I loved you
I'm past that
get me back
to get laughed at
splash my name
off your last tatt-
chase the cash
that you can't have
flash your fans
on the snapchat
last to ask
so you laugh last
fur jackets, masks
& the plastic
fast as you can grab that
relax
I get it -
we're not a match
just quit it
I've kept all the rocks
I asked you to kick
I've slept on them lots
but elastics do rip
hard as I try
to keep it together
I cannot bend
no more
goodbyes
last time
goodbye
Jun 2017 · 320
a gentleman can dream
Just GS Jun 2017
She's everything she says I am
Perfect for each other? Think again.
Hate me cause you love me
That makes zero sense
Cold because I want to be
Whiskey left regrets
Why's she so upset
She left when I was down
Hates to see me happy
Smiles when I frown
I wrote a poem today
She will never see
How I really feel  -
But a gentleman can dream
Jun 2017 · 163
Be Happy (don't worry)
Just GS Jun 2017
I hope you're happy
She said                        (she lied)
In crowds she's laughing
Alone she cries
I cope while asking
Please, **** me kindly
Don't show        (mask me)
What you find
Just GS Jun 2017
Long forgotten rotten needs
Return to burn when we believe  
We are free from yesterday
Learning lazy save me please
Grave dreams chase me - crazy scenes    
Face me Satan - vacancies    
In my conscience waiting brief
Miss me maybe we could be
Alone apart -- a heart to bleed
May 2017 · 211
Help
Just GS May 2017
If you've ever felt these
Overwhelming helpings
of hopelessness
You felt me
Television trash news  
Celebrations have to                      
Mask the prison-man's noose  
                                          (   Help me  )    
Indecision - tasks grew  
With a mission past due
Convinced that I can help you
Miss-led-miss-me-yets          
You know I do                                          
Forget it                                      
Less regret
                                        (  Believe me  )
When I say  -  you help me
      Everyday          
You help me
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