Welcome to AA. Also known as Addicts anonymous
Well, hi I’m Jetzael, and I have an addictive personality. But you can call me jet. It started about 4 years ago with small things.
You know, from the things I ate to the seats I took.
But then my addictive personality escalated to people. But let me explain to you how my addiction with people worked… or works.
Itll start of by needing to take a glance at you. That would fulfill my high. Then I needed a simple hello until I needed a hug, a conversation, lunch every day, a seat next to you, it never stopped! My addiction with you never stopped, it just kept growing.
And when my high wore off, you didn’t get out of my head. What were you doing? Were you happy? Did you need something? Are you mad, sad, frustrated? Are you okay? … am I okay?
All I could ever think about, was you.
And we all know here, addictions never end in a good high.
So it got to the point where my questions turned from were you okay? To was I ever gonna be.
I went through the withdrawal. All alone. All the restless tearful nights until I got high again. Not by you though. But her name was oxycodone, with her friends Percocet and codeine.
They became my best friends. They always distracted me from you until I got tired of them, because you… pff… you gave me highs that codeine could never. But then came along all the restless, nauseous, and chilly nights until they all got out of my system. Why? Because I was growing an addiction for you… again. Would you still like me this way? Would you support my ways? But the one question that kept me up all night was, did you still love me?
At least just a little bit?
But then my old home-girl came through, Maryjane. And numbed my mind away from all the questions and thoughts that existed about you.
She would smoke me out every day, before the sun was even two minutes into his 12-hour shift.
We would be numb the whole day so I never had the chance of thinking about you. Couple of months went by, but if you wanna be exact, my addictive personality could tell you how many months, days, hours, minutes and seconds it was. But that’s unnecessary.
I mean, all my highs were starting to let me forget your scent, touch, words, even your face.
But then you crossed me again, and all those things I thought I forgot about you, rushed back into my head faster than any other drug that existed.
So here I am again, craving highs, not from oxy, perc, codeine or marijuana,
but from you.

when you asked me what it was about you
i didnt really know how to reply
it took me now to discover
how you always make me feel so high

it was a glance when i saw you
hypnotized by your eyes
the more i see you, the more i want you
but i wont know until i try

all it takes it one step forward
but everytime im near you, i overreact
drooling when i see you
i think im about to have a spasm attack

There he was
Always by my side

He was there to wipe my tears
He was there to hug me and take away my fears
He was there to stop me from drinking too many beers

He was always there until one day I made things blurry
Everything was going downhill
He didn't even look back
He just left in a hurry

I said I didn't care
Deep down, I just wanted it to be a nightmare
I knew he was no longer by my side
I had lost everything, everyone, even my pride

We talk once more
Our conversations never a bore
I tell you how much I've missed you
and all about the days I've been blue

you are one of my blessings
I know I won't mess this up again
I'm not even stressing

I love you so much
Our friendship has become something no one can touch

Thank you for being by my side
Through the low and high tides

Its been two weeks since I’ve been using .. and honestly, I thought I could never stop abusing. The first time I used, I was so high. It made me believe you were the cure to all my pain so I sat there and saw how you started controlling my brain. I felt so happy, so in love that I felt like I could fly. I started using more, just to escape from the problems in the real world. I was floating away to another dimension, possibly my dream world. It became part of my routine, if I didn’t have my daily dose, I caused a scene! Everyone said this drug had me afflicted but nah, nah... you think I could be addicted? ... No! I swear im fine, I promise. But ayo, you think I can get another line?

Look at me, look at the person I came out to be, this wasn’t the person I wanted you to see. Please wait, one more date, one more line to replace the pain. I swear ill give you all my love in exchange.
But now I’m all alone, an my heart feels like its becoming stone. I’m keeping all these feelings in my chest and the demons surrounding me are playing with my emotions like some game of chess...

But you know what?
The recovery of this crave will release my brain from being your slave. You made me believe all the lies you said, as my addiction for you just spread. But while I cried, I came to recognize, the love you had me was always just a lie.

A lie I was addicted to.

enamorate de ti misma
y tendras un romance para el resto de tu vida
un amor eterno

earbuds in
volume set to max
faces go blurry
as everything fades away, I put on my mask

24 hours in a day
7 days in a week
I’ve been trying to learn how to deal with you
How to deal with your words
That are sharp
Sharp enough to cut my skin
& through my heart
You see me in pain but you just sit there with that grin
You say :
Im not pretty enough
Not feminine enough
Not curvy enough
BASICALLY
what youre tryna say is that...
im Not good enough
now you’re gone
& im here, still alone
Trying to Hide my feelings
But the band aids you got me...
I’m still bleeding
But you know what ??!
I’m not ready to quit
my mother taught me my worth
No matter how the shoe fits
My father showed me
What it was to be treated right
So I do not have to feel guilty
Because you wanted me out of your sight
I don’t need you to tell me what I am
I am good enough
Not to someone else, but to myself
I am so much better than what you say I am
I am proud, just being myself
​

Mama used to describe love as such a beautiful thing
That when I fall in love, I should feel happy and safe
That one day the man of my dreams will buy me a ring
And when he proudly hands over his last name, there should be no other female in the whole world he would rather claim
And when I thought I found such a lovely thing
I truly thought I was in love, but then I started hurting
I had no typa freedom, didn’t experience any typa love
My days felt like they were becoming longer, perhaps even colder.
I obeyed his rules, or else I was punished. I prayed I wouldn’t get beat
He saw the tears form in my eyes and roll down my face
He leaned in to kiss me, as my body froze over
He cried as he said he was sorry and that it was love
That it was love who took over.
That he had to punish me because he loves me
That it was love!
He said this love was destined, and how I could never leave his side because the connection we had, that it just had to be fate. But I felt that I was slowly dying on the inside.
I was in pain, physically and emotionally
I couldn’t tell anyone what just happened. Nothing of what hes done
Im going into shock, mentally drained.
But he held our hands tightly together
Spoke gently into my ears and said, babygirl it will all be fine
This love we have, its gonna last forever
I thought to myself… forever? This love… was gonna last FOREVER?
And it was as if he could hear all my thoughts, he said
Forever baby, this love is forever ever.
Mama didn’t tell me bout this part of love!
No one told me about this part of love!
I didn’t know this was part of love… because my body was aching, some parts bruising
It was as if I was locked up, my true emotions were always contained
I swear im slowly going crazy, I think possibly falling in love
I started falling in love with the man who had me mentally restrained
I didn’t find the love mama was talking about
But- I think maybe I found one even better
The stockholm syndrome typa love

Some would say it was just a house, I saw it differently, it was my childhood. The place I would go and never feel misunderstood.
The place that developed the woman I'm going to be in my adulthood. There was a memory in every single object. From the dusty floors to the master bedroom. The room was where my grandma snored the loudest. The floors were where I stood the proudest. I've collected all my memories, from the accessories I used to play dress up, to the times I ran around the house acting like a grown up. I gathered all the memories and put it in a box, stored them away, hidden under the ground and rocks.

ive made mistakes
ive accepted what ive done
but dont come & flaunt them in my face
like if you werent human
like if you were flawless
because we all make mistakes
& you are no better than me
but i try to be better
better than yesterday
i try
but you cant even see that
you're all caught up in your lies
you cant even recognize who you are anymore
but you had the audacity to come to me
and tell me whats wrong with me
but you dont even know the beginning of whats wrong with you

i hate loving you
youre entitled to everything without knowing
entitled to my happiness
entitled to controlling my feelings
entitled to my love
i hate loving you

because youre entitled to so much but can leave in one second

i hate loving you cause ill never stop loving you

I'm tired of showing respect
I always show others that I care
now that's all I regret
I got so little, but I still find a way to share

people compliment each other with nice crap
once they turn around, it's a different story
but that's just how the world is, makes me want to snap
it seems like you have to act like that, like its mandatory

you probably thought you could trust your friends
but now some of them are people you hate
you want some relationships to end
but baby, its all up to fate

everything in this world is mad confusing
and you may wonder if people care how you feel
some may find our emotions amusing
but how do you know whos fake and whose real?

He tells her what she wants to hear
Even though he thinks he doesn't love her
He says these things just to please her ears
But he doesn't dare to actually tell her how he feels
because all he fears is to be the reason of her shedding tears
but to fix this confusion, he just needs the reassurance of her love 'cause he actually loves her more than his heart is capable of loving
She releases all her pain when pleasing him
Thinking that he's only using her for her physical attraction.
Her mind convinces her that she'll never be more than a distraction
A distraction from the burning world around them
but to fix this confusion, she just needs reassurance of his love
'cause she actually loves him more than her heart is capable of loving
Dare tell each other how they feel? and have the chance of becoming more? NEVER. He just receives the pleasure she gives him
"that's easier" they think. easier than speaking your feelings? Yea ... sure.

life is the worshiped lie
death is the hideous truth
in between lies the untouchable skies
where death awaits for you

life is the beautiful lie
death is the hideous truth
in between is the untouchable skies
where death awaits for you