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330 · Jan 2019
Cancer
Iz Jan 2019
There’s a hole in your throat
Where your harsh words
were once birthed
Your once strong exterior
Is now slouching flesh
You’re wrinkled, worn
The chemo left you sick
321 · Dec 2018
Gaze
Iz Dec 2018
His eyes were forests
Untouched by any man
317 · Feb 2019
Trivial at best
Iz Feb 2019
My kisses taste like ***** and the cigarettes I told everyone I stopped smoking
I drink beer by the case and eat like a bird
No wonder I haven’t gained weight

My eyes have developed bags that carry bags that carry bags
My heart skipped out on rent this month so don’t expect the mushy gushy **** this time around

My hairs tangled and I haven’t washed it in days my nails are brittle and my gauges are infected once again

I’ve worn the same outfit everyday this week
Because who’s really trying anymore when each night ends in in blurry vision and incomprehensible speech? Not me

Sand sits in the bottom of all my shoes because I can’t seem to stay away from the beach
It’s like my soul wishes to wash away in the riptides and finally be free

The water it calms me always rushing back to shore just as soon as it leaves, it’s peaceful something I seemingly cannot be
317 · Jun 2019
Therapy session 1
Iz Jun 2019
You walk in, noticing every obvious trap set
To make you crawl from that shell and open the conversation,
Then you sit
They must make a truth serum that they spray on those couches in the shrinks office
Because they make you spill your guts
Not more than a minute after sitting down it set in
I have to talk now
The water works started and I couldn’t shut them down
“There’s tissues to the left take your time”
The words are like tug of war and your tongue is winning concealing them in shame the embarrassment of feeling
Every sentence is broken up like a child learning to talk
The session passes in what seems an eternity as if the door was a portal to say the twilight zone
The minuets turn to centuries as sweat pools around you
Is this recovery?
315 · Apr 2019
Full of nothing
Iz Apr 2019
As the months grow farther from the times You couldn’t stand alone and would shake at the knees
You begin to forget what life was life before you caught the “skinny disease”
That overwhelming need to restrict what you eat, limit the water to reduce bloating
Your daily dance with the scale
The portions that seem to grow smaller and smaller
Until you eventually get to a level point
Where you feel “okay” and you stay on routine
That routine is engraved in your brain
It is ALL you know
Wake up, step on the scale, shower, drink one glass of water, pass the time doing small things or laying in bed to conserve your already minimal energy
and after months of slowly growing into yourself again it hits you
The portion sizes that never got bigger, the now weekly trips to the scale as if that’s any better
The consistent twirling in the mirror to check every angle every potion a person could possibly see you in determining am I still thin?
And you realize you didn’t get past this at all, you let it grow into who you are, and that’s why no one knows
After so long the things you needed to hide came out and no one noticed, they congratulated you, asked for dieting tips, and as you lied through your teeth you were disgusted at the shell you’ve become
And at that point is when you can
Finally move on.
311 · Nov 2018
All there is
Iz Nov 2018
In a world full of busybodies
I find myself alone
With you
My eyes
Locked on you

There is nothing else
There never has been

The world melts away when I’m in your arms
I’m untouchable
Invincible


You make me strong
309 · Nov 2018
Fourth wall
Iz Nov 2018
I have met bad men
Who have been good
For only me
And that is where it
All falls into humanity
The villain in your story
May be the hero in mine
301 · Dec 2018
Game
Iz Dec 2018
I’ve been told I have that
Deer in headlights look to my eyes
As if everything I’ve ever known
Was coming to an end right in front of me
But little did they know
They were right
296 · Dec 2018
Eden
Iz Dec 2018
A love so sweet
It tasted
Of forbidden
Fruit
294 · Dec 2019
Awake
Iz Dec 2019
Oh the feeling of relief it brings to finally see who someone truly is
And to no longer resent the ominous nature of their persona but to embrace your new found vision
By finally moving on
280 · Sep 2019
Ownership
Iz Sep 2019
I have no words to speak
You took them from me
like a rose I am red and rouge
cut me open
I belong to you
278 · Nov 2018
Moo cat
Iz Nov 2018
He has the greenest eyes
That stare right into your soul
He strides on over melting his body onto the bed
Relaxed and unworried
I love this cool cat
274 · Dec 2018
Growth
Iz Dec 2018
There are people who don’t know
The wrong things I have done
The lives I have disrupted
And I like it that way
I like knowing not eveyone needs to judge what I have reaped and sowed for many years
I have changed in unimaginable ways
I promise I am not who you once knew
And I’m sorry for the pain I have caused
I know there is much
But to the ones who love me
And know there’s more than meets the eye
But nonetheless admire who I am in present day
Thank you for the encouraging love and support you bring me
To be a new me each day and grow farther and farther from who I have been
267 · Jan 2019
Hungry
Iz Jan 2019
Cold baths with no bubbles
Blunt roaches swimming in ash
Wicks that drowned and died in the wax of over burned candles
plates with half eaten food
Sitting there for days
Clothes so big you could dive into them head first
Circles so deep you look almost as if you’ve been punched in the face
But you feel that way too so
What’s the difference?
When you no longer count the calories you just
Restrict everything you consume
I almost miss when I would feel the pain of my body consuming itself
But everything is a dull ache now
This is only flesh tightly stretched over tired bones
266 · Nov 2018
Ash
Iz Nov 2018
Ash
Remember when we burned like sparked matches
We smoked and spread but in that blistering heat
I felt love
265 · Nov 2018
Quick sand
Iz Nov 2018
I feel like a fraud
I spend my whole life phoning it in
I take in the information
But I put out nothing
I wonder why I’ve been stuck in
The same place for years now
But I’ve done nothing to move
262 · May 2019
Ballerina
Iz May 2019
Sometimes I miss the rhythmic sound of my ballet slippers
Hitting the vinyl floor
The way I would soar through the air with grace and elegance,
I miss the discipline of the dance
The punishment and the reward
256 · Nov 2018
Morgue
Iz Nov 2018
Waking up everyday is quiet similar to attending my own funeral, and I can’t express to you enough the lack of remorse in the room

the stench of my own death long ago hangs over me in a fog so thick and so suffocating I might as well
be dead
253 · May 2019
All I dream about is dough
Iz May 2019
If greed was a drug
Maybe I’d consider
Getting sober
251 · Dec 2018
Flesh sack
Iz Dec 2018
You lent me your flesh
And I mistook it for
Love
But it was merely
Skin and blood
248 · Dec 2018
disconnect
Iz Dec 2018
I’m so ******* tired of these bones
Of this flesh
I’m tired of my thoughts and who I have to be
I would give everything in the whole world
To just get five minutes of not having to be me
246 · Oct 2018
For You
Iz Oct 2018
Drink me like milk
in the morning
and
honey
at night
245 · Oct 2018
sour
Iz Oct 2018
A taste grows in my mouth,
the longer I stare,
like battery acid it pools,

At the sight of a loving father,
I find my stomach turning

I know it is but only my jealous heart,
This bitter taste so familiar,
sour it is indeed

I feel as if ill never heal this aching pain
of something I've never had

like an itch on an absent limb,
I have discovered,
nothing can quite scratch it right
243 · Dec 2018
Directions
Iz Dec 2018
It’s relieving to now see
Everything I have ever done
It’s all lead me right here
To you
239 · Jan 2019
Ease
Iz Jan 2019
Vacuumed floors and
Organized dressers
This is relaxation
238 · Oct 2018
Then and now
Iz Oct 2018
My heart aches with a pain I’ve never felt
A pain you couldn’t love me out of if you tried
Everything is cold
And I think I need a cigarette
237 · Nov 2018
A collection of shit
Iz Nov 2018
I’ve been painting again
The colors they drip
Emotion
For it’s not what you see
In these
Trash paintings
I pour my guts out into the canvas, I call them trash paintings because it’s not about what you see
Iz May 2019
We never appreciate the social currency we receive until we find ourselves broke
231 · Aug 2019
Dusty bones
Iz Aug 2019
Without these words
I am nothing but dust and bone
229 · Sep 2019
Labyrinth
Iz Sep 2019
I keep running like this quicksand won’t engulf me like these waves won’t break me like this ground won’t take me
I’ve spent my life in the fast lane just to come to a screeching halt
All that I’ve ever known has bubbled down to dope
The memories play like a movie on repeat
I can’t escape the things that have been done to me
223 · Dec 2018
The Journey Ahead
Iz Dec 2018
I have had nothing to show for this life I’m living
I’m self absorbed  but still focused on everyone else
I can’t pull myself far enough out of my *** to see
No matter what I do I’ll get where I’m meant to be
222 · Dec 2018
Missing what I never got
Iz Dec 2018
As I walk these streets
A bitterness in my heart
I know all to well
Steps from the shadows
Followed by a piercing pain
In my abdomen
At the sight of fathers and daughters
Sharing laughs and smiling
I will forever feel this jealousy
It is
A burning rage
For something I never had
something I will always want
Why couldn’t you just love me?
Iz Jun 2019
We sit and watch South Park
In a room so tense you could cut
The air with a chainsaw like a ******* tree
217 · Jul 2019
Music and the memories
Iz Jul 2019
Sometimes I am thrown back into a memory
So good it breaks my heart I can never feel it again
216 · May 2019
Cracked but coated
Iz May 2019
You dipped me in varnish
Like a beautiful work of art
But  must’ve  forgotten when you roll up
An unframed canvas it cracks
214 · Dec 2018
Cry hard
Iz Dec 2018
It hurts so bad sometimes
I’d rather blow my brains out
Than see tomorrow
Because nothing  changes
It’s going to always hurt
209 · Feb 2019
Unfortunately
Iz Feb 2019
You love me
But do not know
How to love
Iz Aug 2019
‪When you hear “think before you speak”
what you should be hearing is
“ be aware of the emotions you’re about to convey and if they’re actually how you feel” recognize what you feel
before you push those emotions onto those around you ‬
206 · Dec 2018
Booze
Iz Dec 2018
The morning after Is filled with
Crusty eyes
And an unstable balance
I don’t think I’m sober yet
203 · Nov 2018
Healing..healed
Iz Nov 2018
I thought healing was easy,
Growing and improving,
I didn’t know it was uncontrollably sobbing when I read my poems to people and binging on junk food,
But like I love to say “you must feel it to get over it” but
Who ever likes to really take their own advice?
I know it must rain for the flowers to bloom but I’m tired of being a bud
201 · Dec 2018
No quarter
Iz Dec 2018
I tremble as I face the beast
Beaten and worn
I stand
His words are birthed from acid
His skin is solid steel
Those eyes
They pierce me
Like jaded daggers
Blood fills my lungs as my vision goes black
This is a battle I will die fighting
Who is your beast?
201 · Jul 2019
Changing times
Iz Jul 2019
Brittle nails
And crunchy hair
That’s all I’ve bubbled down to be
But I’m okay,
For now
201 · Oct 2018
Freedom
Iz Oct 2018
I wanted to write something about being free
but I couldn't think of anything because
I never have been
201 · Dec 2018
You run but from what
Iz Dec 2018
I’ve been living in a daze
I feel as if Ive entered the twilight zone
Every day feels the same
I keep walking I keep moving
But nothing changes
I’m stuck in this life
I can’t run away
No matter how far I Try These
Feet can’t hit the ground on the right pattern
To unlock whatever it may be in order for me
To run far enough away
That I don’t have to be me
199 · Apr 2019
Blue birds and backyards
Iz Apr 2019
There used to be a blue Jay that would visit a tree in my backyard daily
Last April I found him dead in the road
Stiff and lifeless
My backyard has since become very mundane
No birds visit anymore
Not even the ducks
Only weeds grow now in place of beautiful flowers
It’s odd how times change
But even more odd how we don’t notice until all the change has come and gone
199 · Jan 2019
Dreary
Iz Jan 2019
My words run short
Like melted wax
Creeping down the sides of
Candles who have lived a smoldering life
198 · May 2019
Possum kingdom
Iz May 2019
My dad used to have a truck with the passenger side speakers blown out, and I vividly remember listening to possum kingdom by the toadies on repeat Swooning in the loud rumble of the speakers succumbing to the immense base making a distinct sound for each drop, driving in cars with working speakers and hearing the song just isn’t the same
Funny how nostalgia works
Making you miss the things you once dreaded
196 · Jun 2019
What’s left to do?
Iz Jun 2019
Let it pour out of you
Like water from a broken dam
That’s all you can do
195 · Dec 2018
Knife fight
Iz Dec 2018
You had the sharpest dagger for a tongue
I almost didn’t feel it go in
Until you started twisting your blades
And that was when I knew
I wouldn’t make it out of this
Dance with the devil
Iz May 2019
It weighs you down
That weight of uncertainty
Like chains around your neck holding rocks too heavy to carry
You sink
Into a sea of overthinking
The “what if’s” become defanging
Drowning out all other thought
Is this hell?
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