I feel the pain. I can feel it weigh me down. I asked a friend once, “how do you live with it?” And she answered me, “You just have to get used to it.”

I want to cry. I want to let the pain out of my system. I want to be vulnerable. I want to break. I want to show you the pain you’re causing me, the burden you are putting me through.

But what would that make me? Another you, probably.

Some days,
You want to stand in your home,
Set it on fire,
And watch it all burn.

Some days,
You want to stand in your home,
Breath in the memories,
And exhale the love.

The hardest days,
Are when you want to do both.

He’s got a bagel on his head,
Not a Cornish Pastie, nor a slice of bread;

Not a Singin’ Hinny, nor a Bacon Roll,
Not Bedfordshire Clanger nor Toad-in-the-Hole;

Black Buns from Scotland pass him by,
No Jammy Rascals, nor Stargazy Pie;

No Bakewell Tarts, and no Teisen Lap,
No Apple Dumplings adorn his cap;

No scones from Devon spread with cream and jam;
Just a crispy bagel full of cheese and ham.

Bagels are the coolest, bagels are the best:
Up with the bagels and down with the rest.
Onwards and upwards, long may it be said:
He’s got a bagel on his head.

Stopped at a red light,
Looking down the hill,
We wait to take flight,
We wait for the thrill.

Riding the green light wave,
Riding the small bumps and holes,
My bike and I roll down the way,
My bike and I roll as one soul.

The wheels turn quicker and quicker
While the air flies past like sweet sound.
My bike light continues to flicker,
While together we, in our music, are drowned.

There's a level of trust between us two,
We listen to each other and feel as one.
And yet there's a sense of mystery that we pursue,
That of machine and man having fun.

When you casually left from my life
I know it’s cliché but it felt like a knife
I never expected to lose you
but I guess were through.

I can’t stop brushing my fingers on the old pages
it’s been ages since we last spoke
my eyes devour the written words of our history
how you left me still seems a mystery
your leaving took its toll
it left a void, a hole.

When you casually left from my life
I knew it was the right thing
but im pulling myself on this string.
Pretending its not happening
I never expected to lose you
but I guess our love wasn’t true.

I know I need to close the dusty pages I cling to
flick the new pages open and push through.
You seem happier while I still can’t sleep
I don’t cry or weep but I know my wound is **** deep.

It’s about time I had some good sleep
not tossing and turning and thinking
sinking in to my mind, unblinking

I know I need to write my next chapter
escape my abandoned captor.
Once I pick up my pen
I know Ill be almost new again
who knows what awaits
what the fates have in store
but I know i'll no longer be on the floor
thinking and rewinding our time together

I have an unsteady hand to open the new pages
It’s a slow and lonely journey, it may take ages
but I will write a next new chapter.
Where you have lost me but I will be free.

Ive never had my heart broken
Because i never gave it away.
It's under maximum security
You will never find the key.

Ive had a lot of guys promise they would stay
But i dont know why they always tend to leave.
Its like i give too much of myself
Before i ever get the chance to hand them the key.

Cause maybe im too much for them
Or maybe not enough.
Maybe they never wanted my heart
Maybe they just needed my touch.

Some might say im lucky
To have never felt the sting of the broken pieces falling in your hands.
To never wonder if you could have done something differnt to make them stay.

But there are cobwebs on my heart and no one knows the rise and fall of my chest.
Cause its only ever beat for me
And im starting to think that might be best.