What is anxiety?
Is it but a name of an illness?
Am I it's proprietary?
If so how could anyone miss?;
All that goes on with me?
Can they not see?
My beating heart wanting to escape,
This doomly fate,
That is only but in my head,
As my horrors I have fed:
With my hopes and all my dreams,
It's what it seems.
Why can't others see the breath stuck mid chest,
Do I seriously look like the rest?
Breathing happily,
Carelessly?
Can't you see?;
This thing suffocating me?!
It doesn't even stop there,
As it covers my blank stare,
So nobody notices,
That it's main torture is;
Through using my own mind to drive myself insane.
And from this there is absolutely nothing to gain,
But hurt sadness and pain,
Making my existence nothing more important than a stain.
Why can't you see?
Why can't you help me...?

Our love isn't like poetry,
There aren't stars in your eyes,
I've been blinded by lies,

Our love doesn't make me feel alive,
The way poets paint love to be,

Our love isn't like poetry
As a matter of fact
You're dead to me.

I'd rather be happy than right
so whisper my love,
empty sweet nothings
If only just for tonight

Stop it...
Just stop it...
I love you
You drive me INSANE
You tell me all these
Flat out stupid reasons
How it would be "Reasonable"
For me to dump you...
Do you want me to go?
If you do just say so...
Out the door I'll go
I'll leave you alone
But this constant talk about
Why and how you would understand
If I left you and found someone new
The last guy who did this to me
I dumped in a cruel way...
So shut up and tell the truth
Do you even want me to stay...

I am perfect, not for what I am
But, for what I have

I have you.

It's not that I can't live without you,
I just don't want to.

We are at a point where losing you would actually mean the end of world.

your bones,

they protrude

at awkward angles,

where the veins meet your muscles.



the thick grey lines,

cast on your ivory skin,

like waves on the violent ocean surface,

the shadows from your bones.



from your collar bones,

to your ribcage,

to your hips,

to your thighs,

and to your ankles.



the lack in the amount of flesh,

the lack in the amount of muscle mass.



to me they were perfect.



your bones,

they were just

beautiful.

fill my lungs with smoke

I light cigarettes,
in hopes that i will forget you.

i cant

I light cigarettes,
in hopes that the smoke will wash away your scent.

spices and vanilla

I light cigarettes,
in hopes that i will forget how you tasted.

coffee and bagels

I light cigarettes,
in hopes that the fires i start will burn a hole in my memory so i can forget the colour of your eyes, or how they gleamed like sapphires.

i still see the sapphires

And the truth is,
i cannot forget you,
Or how you smelled like spices and vanilla,
Or how every morning when i kissed you and you’d taste like the bagels and coffee that you had,
Or how your eyes are the centre of my universe, and how they glimmer like distant stars a million light years away.

These cigarettes are not enough,
they do not intoxicate me as much as my thoughts of you do.

And even if i tried to drown myself in the deepest oceans,
or if i tried to throw myself off the highest buildings,

i will never, never, be able to forget you.

fill my lungs with smoke

you were my second skin
the familiar warmth
the comforting caress
the soft sound that rang like bluebells in my ears

and now you're gone
a void of cold, bitter air
the comfort no longer lingers
your song no longer sings

all that's left is a sliver of your touch
a slight warmth encapsulated by a cold frost
it still warms my chest
i'll be okay