My biggest fear
Is that I'll wake up in 10 years
And still miss you

Deep breaths become chokes and gasps...
As the air seem to get thinner.
I had promised that I shall not fall today
for people to see.
But I had just realised...
That my eyes have already betrayed me.

So here I sit, out in the clear.
Out in the rain.
Face partially drenched from the spray.
Head turned away from passing umbrellas.
I thank god for the rain,
for even if they notice me.
They wouldn't be able to tell droplets from tears.

It isn't true when people say pain heals over time. Sure, you move on, and sure, you live your life again, but the agony never leaves you. Time only allows you to survive, to handle the pain that you have.

.

He doesn't realise...
The weight of his actions and words that pummel her to the ground.
Beating her down for every time she rises up to undo his ropes with which she's bound.

He doesn't see...
Past the darkened lenses that she dons.
She wears them,
not to shield her pride that was wrongfully taken,
but to protect him from the repercussions that would come with accusatory speculations.

He doesn't know...
Of the soaked pillow that accompanied her.
The rivulets of tears...
She had quietly shed without a whimper.

He doesn't hear...
The silent altercation between the treasure that beats in her chest and the thing that thinks in her head.
The struggle that ensues when the mind tries to rescind what the heart had wholly given and carelessly said.

He doesn't care...
To think of the devastating waves that come.
Only to erode the last bastion of hope she nurtures...
This frail wall that she prays for nightly.
Just so that it would hold up through another day's endeavour.

He doesn't feel...
The need for empathy.
For he thinks that he's god with one devout follower.
He commands her loyalty with his deluded testaments
and his fists as sceptre.

She doesn't live...
To see future suns.
For her day finally set when it all came down.
The wall she had feebly held together with her life...
Easily gave way when he came at her armed with a knife.

.

They say when you go through trauma
It either kills you
Or you forget it.
They don't tell you what to do
when the options blend.
There's no hotline to call
when the memories you've buried
claw their way back up your throat
like the pills that didn't work.
I am a causality of a war I never fought in.

I cut my hair short so I can wash it in the sink,
For the days when my shower turns into a tardis I cannot control,
A time machine with only one date.
I have grown sick of not finding refuge in this time and place.
When I shave my head,
I think of how impossible it is to pull a buzzcut.

I write the date on every piece of paper,
But I don't really live here.
The present is just a hideout from the past,
The future a threat of going back.
I am on the run.
A fugitive of broken memories and stolen hope.

I lock each door in my house
five times
before telling my mom goodnight.
I check underneath my bed,
Move the clothes in my closet
until I'm sure I can see every part of the back wall,
and leave its door open.
I bend my eyes into every corner and hollow spot.
I will not go to sleep.
I will dream myself awake.
I wake up in my bathtub time machine,
Raise my face through the surface of the red water,
My long hair wrapping itself around my throat like promises from a time when I still felt alive.
I will probably scream,
And find myself back in my bed.
My family won't hear a thing.

You give me asthma attacks and heart palpitations
But like, in a good way

-What is Beauty?-
Cats, and you, and pizza, and you

I lied to my mother about talking to you because last time I told her we talked, she cried.
2. My biggest fear is that no matter what I do, I won't ever get over you.
3. Everywhere I go, I find you. I suppose it's because I carry you in my heart.
4. I didn't believe in soul mates until I met you. You didn't complete me, you complemented me.
5. Sometimes I can't sleep because I'm thinking of you. Other nights I don't want to sleep because I know I'll dream of you.
6. You make my hands shake and my stomach hurt. I don't think love is suppose to feel this way.
7. I miss you even when you're not away. I hate it but it's always been that way.
8. Sometimes I think we were meant to be. Everything was right except our timing.
9. It's been two years too late but I still look for your face in a crowded room.
10. You felt like home but if there's anything I've learned recently, it's that home is so very temporary.
11. I never knew craving touch was a thing until I saw your hands.
12. You are the whirlwind of thoughts I could never put into words.
13. I write about you like you put the stars in the sky.
14. I don't want to forget you but somedays I regret you.
15. I don't always like you but I always love you.

When did we learn this?
It's worth how much of our grade?
I'm dead, **** my life.