Why do I always hold my breath
when I’m near him?
Perhaps it’s because I’m afraid
to breathe in his scent
slowly, unconsciously, gravitating towards him
getting lost in his arms
as he catches me as I begin to fall

I’m standing right there yet you don’t see me
instead walking away with someone else
I feel so small and insignificant
unwanted and out of place

her hand looks so nice in his
I hate all these couples
surrounding me
teasing and taunting me

I think of these things and
I can feel the loneliness start to build in my veins
the tightness in my chest
and the sharp pin needles attacking my heart

I can’t seem to help but despise these
happy thoughts
all the butterflies in my belly
and the way my pulse races in your presence
so I pulled off the wings of the butterflies
they died and can no longer flit about
I held my heart in place and breathed deeply
so my pulse no longer reacts to you

I killed all of the happy thoughts
shooting them down
and leaving them to rot
I pulled the feathers out of my dove angel wings
now replaced with punctured moth wings
and threw my halo out the window
now replaced by devil horns

Instead of looking to the sun
I now look to the moon
thoughts of sun shine and laughter
make me sick
I stick to the shadows and broken echoes
of a long forgotten land

I can’t seem to learn to love the
happy thoughts
anymore
barely able to stand myself
let alone you

"Is the glass half full?" He asked,
She said "There's no water left,"
"Are you ever nervous going out?"
"Scared half to death."
"I have a six pack of abs."
"Do I look like I care?"
"What does a guy need to have?"
"A smile. A brain. Nice hair."
"How about we go back to my place?"
"How about we no?"
"You look like you'd be a freak in the sheets."
"I think I should go..."
"What's your favourite song?"
"Anything that fills my head."
"Will I see you again?"
"Honestly, I think I'd rather be dead."

I feel I have lost something I didn't have in the first place
when you left,  I tried to catch  sun rays but all I have in my hands now are dust mites and remnants of our old arguments
my palms are full of words I wished I told you,
full of truths that I wish you knew
my mind is full of cobwebs and replays of old memories
that you should've taken with you
even the sun retires to slumber
the darkness is innate and it’s lying beside me now,
in the space where you used to sing me to sleep
staining our white sheets with a color darker than black
I can still hear your uninteresting stories about how your day went,
I can’t even remember any of your words,
i just know that I love listening to your voice
even when you’re not talking
I shivered at that thought, the cold reached my veins
and left my blood frozen, stagnant, dead.
I told my lungs to stop breathing in so deeply
because inhaling your scent won't bring back your warmth
I can feel my brain is about to shut down
slowly deleting all the traces of you like a computer virus
your absence is a disease
and it grew cancerous flowers in my heart
my body is refusing to live
because it knows it has lost
all reasons to exist

when I woke up this morning there was a hole in my chest

and  nothing hurts anymore

Inject me,
Pierce the skin
And it let it merge
With blood cells and
Bacardi,
Press your lips against mine
And slip the pill onto my tongue,
Don't pull away until each grain
dissolves
Stacks of cash
From selling love in bottles,
Capsules,
IV drips,
Losing our minds as we
Become entangled in unconsciousness.

But when I wake up you're gone.
Sweaty palms,
Goosebumps,
The fear of relinquishing control,
Or even losing my mind?
We become addicted to the visions
In our head,
The dreams we steal from dark corners
Of the brain
When we are intoxicated,
Yet with each passing of time
We rely on what numbs the pain
Of what we lost.

lately i have been asking myself
how my love for you has not yet dwindled
into nothing but a ghost
after all
you have broken my heart into pieces
too sharp to gather without cutting my fingers
on the edges.
my fragmented sanity has become a dagger
that you have used to stab my chest
and the tears grazing my cheeks
taste as bitter as the words
that i wish i had the courage to say to you.

(k.t)

I want to fall in love again,
But only with you.