"What a doll!"
"Porcelain"
"Perfect in every way!"
They never knew that she would go,
Mentally insane.
She was so convinced
That her life,
Was nothing but a waste.
Yet she was blind by the feel,
And the sickening taste,
of an evil love.

She had the love,
She had the life,
But Everything she lost.
For this bad love had no price,
No amount and no cost.

For what she had paid him,
Was her soul,
The ultimate sacrifice.
She had given her life to an evil man.  
For a piece of a happy life.

But she had given her life to him.
And her life was at an end,
Her survival was now sink or swim.
And she had no family or friend.

She was caught in the fall,
The wind in her face,
The feel of his breath,
With his chokehold embrace.
To escape it she ran,
With what strength that she had,
She returned to the spot where it all began.
Yet it was too late,
To return to her life.
She sold her soul,
And took her own life.

I got lost in the darkness,
And found HER on the way,
As I lay here in the dark,
I pray for forgiveness,
HER SINS haunt me,
Thoughts forever inside,
I lie here in the dark,
Wanting to DIE
Wanting to CUT
"WHY DONT YOU DO IT
YOU SCAREDY ****?!?!"
She pulls at my mind
Asking me WHY?
"WHY DONT YOU
PUT AN END TO IT ALL?"
My only answer is to cry:
"MANDY IS SO MUCH STRONGER THAN I!!!"

.AMANDA FALLS.

She saw it all go crashing down
On top or her small dream life
The acid of her mistakes
All of the dreams and heart ache
The tears and blood
Of sacrificed life
The skin was not meant to love the pain
Anguish and feel of a knife.

She honestly wanted to tell it all
The rise, the descent, and finally the fall.
Of all of them she wanted,
She couldn't compose the rite
Only to go deeper into the silent life.
Her eyes filled with tears.
Her mouth wide - was sewn shut
With the needle of lies she called - but no help.
They saw the pain, but no one saw the feel,
Of the peel of a heart.

Try to help as she might
It only came down on her small dream life...
Her eyes filled with lies,
Her heart consuming the pain whole,
Her mouth sewn shut.
She tried to call but was afraid
That she might rip the string.

I could **** you for what you've done to me...
You tried to take it all away from me.
You drove me insane from the day I was born...
But now I'm about to DIE and you feel sorry for no one... But... You.

YOU *****, WHYD YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY?
YOU WERE THE CAUSE FOR ALL OF MY PAIN & SUFFERING
But now I'm gone and there's no more "trouble" for your case...
BUT YOU NEVER ******* CARED IN THE FIRST ******* PLACE!!!!

You never really cared about me...
All you cared about was your men and your, ecstasy.
But now your actions are taking hold of me.
So stop pretending... To... Care.

YOU *****, WHYD YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY?
YOU WERE THE CAUSE FOR ALL OF MY PAIN & SUFFERING
But now I'm gone and there's no more "trouble" for your case...
BUT YOU NEVER ******* CARED IN THE FIRST ******* PLACE!!!!

You never saw it coming...
You never felt MY PAIN!!!
IT WILL ALL BE OVER "TOO SOON"
LOCKED UP INSIDE MY MIND!!!!!
THE CUTS ON MY WRISTS
THE BLACK ON MY EYES
DID IT EVER COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE?!?!?!

I could **** you for what you've done to me.
You took it all away from me...
You took my brother, my best friend, and now my life,
BUT NOW IM DEAD - IM PAST BEING SICK OF THE FIGHTS...
I just thought - maybe I could have won...
But now - I hope for you - NOTHING.
IM DONE.

YOU *****, WHYD YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY?
YOU WERE THE CAUSE FOR ALL OF MY PAIN & SUFFERING
But now I'm gone and there's no more "trouble" for your case...
BUT YOU NEVER ******* CARED IN THE FIRST ******* PLACE!!!!
YOU *****, WHYD YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY?
YOU WERE THE CAUSE FOR ALL OF MY PAIN & SUFFERING
But now I'm gone and there's no more "trouble" for your case...
BUT YOU NEVER ******* CARED IN THE FIRST ******* PLACE!!!!

My ****** cross falls with speed, neck to blade, death to me. "Thou shall not take your name and use it in vain!" Now the final test becomes apart of my name, inside of my vein, and you can use this to your POWER, under your knife, "END THE PAIN"... It's just a game in your world, in my misery, pain, anguish, and DEATH, "One short breath". One more lie to lie to, to end the pain to, to stop the game to, to end the anguish in your world, with my vein and my game, with my knife, to end my life.

Take me back
To the place I was before
Back to the time
When our love was so sure.
Take me back
To who I used to be
Back to the time
To when we were happy.
Take me back
To that beautiful night.
When all I ever wanted
Was for you to hold me tight.
Take me back
Before the sorrow
Take me back
Today or tomorrow.
When ever it is
That you'll take back my heart
Put it together
For I've torn it apart.
Pull me fast
And take me far,
Just please
"Take me back to the stars."

I cry everyday thinking of you.
I can't sleep at night because every time I close my eyes, I see your face.
I cut myself trying to cause more pain, than what my heart is already in.
My chest is heavy and my heart beats in an irregular way.
I look at your picture and I can not breathe.
I read the letters you gave me and fight not to **** myself after every word.
I went on your myspace today and read the comments from girls who said how beautiful you are, and how beautiful your eyes are...
Those used to be mine.
All I can do is think of you.
Kayla was the quickest fix the night you broke my heart again... Although I did deserve it.
Lesbian *** and drugs were the only thing that kept me alive that night.
The drugs were never strong enough.
The cuts are never deep enough.
I can't pretend to be happy for much longer.
Derrick makes me happy, but "every time he kisses my lips, I taste your mouth, and every time he pulls me in, I feel disgusted with myself."
Every time I love him, I want to call out your name.
I'm sick of being in so much pain. I want to stop dreaming of you every night and waking up in tears and sweat.
I want to tell my mom that I'm ok, and actually mean it.
I want to tell myself that I don't love you anymore,
But that would just be one more lie.
I used to stare at you from across the courtyard at lunch, or go a specific way to class just to run into you.
I used to tell all of your friends about how much I miss you
Hoping they would tell you.
I tried everything to make you want me back.
I tried jealousy at the mall,
Even offering you my body once more,
But you made it clear you don't love me anymore.
Remember that day you walked me home and Mandy told you that I still cut?
And remember what you asked me: "What, does Derrick not make you happy enough?"
I never told you the truth in my answer.
Though Derrick had much to do with my sadness,
It was really because I can't have you.
You were my life, my love, my reason to stay alive. You were the only good thing in my life... And now you're gone.
And I know it's all my fault.
I still blame myself for your suicide attempt.
I broke your heart too many times and I'll never forgive myself for what I put you through.
Gina told me something yesterday that made me realize how stupid I am, and how stupid I was.
She said that in every relationship, there will be a test of love. A test of how strong I can be... And I failed you.
She told me about how for her, there was another guy making advances toward her while her and Brad were dating, and she almost broke up with Brad for him!
But she didn't. And now they are married.
My test came by the name of Cory.
It happened the same way as Gina's test; Her and Brad were having problems when the other guy showed up, and you and I had a lot of problems too when Cory came into my life.
Gina was strong and didn't give in. But I was stupid and gave you up for him.
And I had to realize that I'll always love you.
But you have finally stopped loving me. And now I'm too late.
And now my life is a huge lie,
Filled with quick fixes that only make things worse.
I want to accept the fact that you and I will never be,
But I think that the only way that will ever happen is after my death.
Maybe I take too many pills.
Maybe I cut one millimeter too deep.
Maybe after I finally put an end to it all;
The lies, the drugs, the alcohol, the cuts, the pain,
Maybe then, I'll stop loving you.

Until then, my love.
I shall rot away in this body
Killing myself one day at a time.

I'll love you forever,
Amanda.