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Apr 2014 · 262
Artist
Edward Coles Apr 2014
There is no *** in a writer.
It explains it all:

why I can never fill a doorway,
or have eyes on me.
It is why these features hollow out
in sunless days spent inside.

It is why I shall never satisfy
another woman – too scared
to commit to flesh what I would
with paper. An artist is full of ***;

watch as he paints her eyes in colour,
as he moulds clay to the shape of her hands,
as he whispers longingly what he’ll do to her;
whilst I am but the broken arms
that feign passion in the night.

I know now that whilst I can tattoo
my love inside your heart;
I can never match his strokes,
his arms, his languor in confidence.

Go – find your artist.
c
Apr 2014 · 297
Passing Through York
Edward Coles Apr 2014
Passing through York,
I am aware that there is war.
slaughter and counter-slaughter,
lives piling up on the side
whilst Africa starves;
and yet, all I can think about
is you.

Newspapers cheat attention
with passing headlines of half-truths
and murderers turned to heroes.
My bank account empties,
all friendships have perished;
and still, all that I suffer for
is you.

Bury me in cigarettes
and drown me in my drink.
Please, forget that I was ever here
to tread this land,
to lie on my back over
the ceramic bathroom tiles.

Oh darling,
I’ve lost my balance without you.
c
Apr 2014 · 223
I am sorry
Edward Coles Apr 2014
I am sorry.
I am sorry I never learned
to greet the daylight,
or smile through songs
of pain.

I am sorry for relenting
in my wisdom, for boarding
the train to nowhere at all,
and crying at the window
the entire time.

There’s nothing left
to kick against as I’m treading
the water of my own tears.
I barely breathe without you,
and now I must find a way
to do it all of the time.

There is no poetry here, only:
I love you
I love you
I love you;
as the rails thunder distance
between us at last.
c
Apr 2014 · 465
Poisoned Sky #1
Edward Coles Apr 2014
The sirens are wailing again.
They're coming to take another
half-baked lunatic, megaphone in hand,
into the metropolitan dungeon.

Filth lines the walls.
People move as ghosts through
heavy daylight, jumping at each
shadow's stirring, each laden breath.

We watch as they crack into his skull.
A spectacle no more, yet it reminds
us of the immortal mountain that
buckles over our heads.

Synthetic lullabies sing the rich to sleep.
New hammers and strings over
old, old songs, as the one-stringed busker
plays his ode to death.

The cannibals live outside old suburbia.
They saw society fall, and fell
instantly into their animalistic selves.
Only the gang-lords stray into their terraces,

for only they have something to offer.
The rest is just flesh and blood-justice
against the rich augmenting their memory,
against the poor for toiling the fields,

against their God for not existing,
against themselves for never straying to object.
This is a poem I scribbled down quickly about the novel I'm preparing for. It will probably get written, but whether it'll be of any use is another thing!

c
Apr 2014 · 353
We'll Have To Live
Edward Coles Apr 2014
I lead my hours in procrastination,
in making plans for the following year.
I keep hope for my emancipation,
in the abstraction of another fear.

I'm letting words run so fast and simple:
in my childhood's dance. I allow my mind
to roam the meadow, to give my life to
happenstance. And if my words deliver

Lake Arenal,the origin of my dream;
please forgive me for my swift departure,
for gathering speed over the jet stream.

I guess I'm half-drunk but still we falter:
this life must have something we can alter.
I'm bolting doors to keep strangers at bay,
instead, I have just locked myself inside;
forsaking comfort in the light of day.
c
Apr 2014 · 543
Law of Chaos
Edward Coles Apr 2014
The window rattles
and I wonder how many more butterflies
must stir their wings, before these streets are
torn apart. I wonder where

the homeless are tonight,
where the shopkeeper has retired to
in his now vacant marital bed. There's
sorrow on every doorstep,

there's fatigue of work, of a lazy mind.
It's nothing new, but borrowed and blue;
you must work, work, work to feel empowered,
you must pay, pay, pay for your freedom.

My patience rattles
and I stir wings to leave for Costa Rica,
for anywhere at all than this bleak British land,
torn from me so long ago;
and now is left asunder.
c
Apr 2014 · 296
Lying in the Road
Edward Coles Apr 2014
We heard your name across the moor,
some Scottish ghost and fragrant mist
that tangles our lungs,
that promises honesty;
that breaks a stare to fix our drinks.

I lost my focus when it came to dreaming,
when it came to whale serenity
and peace of mind.

I lost my hope in trying to conjure,
praying creation still exists
in these tried and tired limbs.

We saw your face fixed inside the locket,
witnessing the storm, weeping for the aftermath,
scowling in the sun,
scowling through the rain;
yet smiling at the shop-front to cover screams.

I kept you close when it came to winter,
when it came to memories
to disclose warmth.

I kept fall close in the advent of spring,
to remind me of loss;
in the blind love of summer.
c
Apr 2014 · 1.2k
A Good Day
Edward Coles Apr 2014
Here is a toast for a future life
of foreign seas and captivating wife.
I'll write in the day whilst she is away,
we'll get drunk on good wine,
with no debts left to pay.
c
Apr 2014 · 489
Ain't Misbehavin'
Edward Coles Apr 2014
I don't want to spin out a rhyme
each time I feel happy,
I want to laugh and drink beer
in a cooling shed,
with the bleak disruptions
of cue ***** and pockets.
I don't want to
search for the future,
I don't want to
pester in squalor,
I want misbehaviour
and my head in a bucket.
To rise again,
with the faint smell of liquor,
inhaling the youth
that never came to deliver,
bring me back to the hope of a soul's holiday,
to the hope this struggle will allude
to days without discord,
that play to my tune.
c
Apr 2014 · 424
Thawing
Edward Coles Apr 2014
There are footprints limping in golden sand
meandering to the swash of the tide,
they stumble beside a body of life,
too weak for the forces that live inside.

Breaking news stung like bullets in his eyes,
delivering sorrow and his demise.
He lived like a ghost amongst picture frames,
reading the papers and scanning for lies.

He held music close to his beating chest,
for that soaring chorus, his heart's address,
and in days spent holding no one at all,
he'd talk to his posters tacked to the wall.

Women came and went like ships in the night,
too brief for the pillow, too smart to fight,
he kept all memoirs in his breast pocket,
clasped to his wrists, or hung as a locket.

There are foots disappearing in sand,
they succumb to the pull of Mother Land,
they exist in grains, now lost to the sea;
to the blue ocean of infinity.

We'll meet at the coastline, aeons apart;
we'll kiss this new freedom, this thawing heart.
c
Apr 2014 · 457
An Attempt At Clarity
Edward Coles Apr 2014
You remind me of the old abandoned quarry that was turned into a reservoir. We were lethargic lovers, I dreamt of picnics over the board-walk, the swans begging and always somewhere between a deified species; and clumsy birds that scare the **** out of us. A film-still moment at best, I lay still as you inspected your vanity, and then kissed me to pin me to the bed.

You remind me of the guilty taste of beer, as I find myself all alone again. There was once a time that we flourished in the cemetery, but now that's long-passed, and we're cynical fools again. You remind of cats out at midnight, of early-hour lorries delivering food in the dawn. More so you remind me of bus-stops, of always waiting for the signal, but never getting on.

You remind me of a circumstantial meeting. One born out of interest for the other. In some ways formal, in most ways desire, my jaw is still hanging from the moment that you left. I miss that feeling of your speech pattern, as it lingered in well-spoken tones, I miss the heat of the sunlight; and now I feel like a shattering of bones. Forgive the rhyme, it escaped me, as I cover up disappointment. I'm not quite sure what I'm disappointed about, but it's there all the same inside.

You remind me of poetry in vivo, the way that you just pour from my mind. A silly fit of nothing-at-alls, but simultaneously offering up my life. I think that your face fits like a portrait, the archetype I have long placed in my mind of what I believed love would look like. Then you walked through the door. My eyes are too swollen from tears to really take everything in, but I see you all the same. It's as if I've been seeing this my whole life.
c
Apr 2014 · 393
L.H.R
Edward Coles Apr 2014
I just want everyone out of this cage,
to feel the ruin of this capricious age,
I want to see the pain as it runs down your face,
as you realise that Earth is our only place.

And we're hearing the artificial joy,
of laminate love and fearful choirboy,
I long to meet the kiss of the sunlight's early rays,
I'm talking with others but my eyes are locked to your gaze.

I'm sipping beer just to get through the day,
I know I'm gone but we've all got to find a way,
so I'll stumble to a falter, each time the world grows colder,
each time I'm left to hike on through the sleet.

But I can be in Paris by dawn
scattering textbooks on the lawn,
calling, calling:
"you must remember how to feel,
before you come to
reinvent the wheel!"


And, this is my heart's disaster,
abandoned building and fading plaster,
the little room inside my head,
I come to scream and scare out the dead,

as shadows lengthen across the room,
disturbing my Atlantean womb,
I think of the drugs, and how I'm starting to fail,
throw the money to the wishing well,
but coming back with an empty pail.
c
Apr 2014 · 1.3k
Papaya Island
Edward Coles Apr 2014
There has to be an island somewhere, where people just sit around and play music, write, laugh, and get drunk. Where nobody cares about jobs, instead picking fruit from the trees and feeling content in the moment. A place where you are judged solely on your enlightenment, on your kindness of heart and what you display to others. A place where creativity is currency, and material wealth is only a means to an end and shared amongst all.

I dream of this place most nights, and each time when I come around, I fog my brain with beer and ****, in the hope that mist forms over these eyes, hoping it is enough to change the current landscape.
Apr 2014 · 1.8k
Heaven is Full of Angles
Edward Coles Apr 2014
World of code;

riddle,
and a brand new
language.
I hold you close my
dear, as you stumble on through the dark night,
this knowledge
is hastening to bring my demise.
You sit within my pentameter,
so where did
I lose my peaceful mind?
I'm still struggling with poetry, in finding art
amongst the burdens of the street. You're applying sunscreen
to your back and shoulders, and then
you're basking in the heat of my astral beach.
I'm stranded here
alone now,
sending my postcards
to nowhere at all, I have grown tired
of this mere existence,
of fading in the city sprawl.
Now Mathematics
is the language of the universe,
and will speak for
centuries to come,
gravity making sense
out of chaos, and will talk forever over
the atomic bomb.
I'm learning
my sums again darling, I'm going back
to a clean state of mind, hoping to discover
an answer, to why I'm

constantly falling
behind. When I find the equation I will
call you, and profess them unto the stars,
a love never lost
in
translation, a love where you'll always be the source.
#pi
Apr 2014 · 506
When I Think Of You
Edward Coles Apr 2014
Oh, this is the love I meant,
or at least a happy accident,
there's clouds up in the canopy,
on a veranda set in eternity.

And there's seashells on the shore,
upon the land-dweller's front door,
I sing my song and place it to your ear,
but I'm drowned out from the ocean roar.

I've been a shed hollowed out;
left to stew in damp and doubt,
you hold my stomach, your face is kind,
and all of the knots begin to unwind.

We are train-stop lovers
beside the vending machines,
a ukulele sonnet,
for the clued up has-beens.

Now we're set to light
under the wash of stars,
until we feel great belonging
to all of the so-fars.

So without saving face or attempting subtlety,
or basking under conceited poetry,
under Costa Rican skies, in a writer's retreat,
in this astral plain where new lovers meet;

that for all the glory I may come to see,
there's none more beautiful
or rare than thee.
Sorry for being incredible sentimental
Edward Coles Apr 2014
My head is in the toilet again,
as I cling to the tiling
to satisfy my place. All the time
growing smaller,
growing tired of this face.

It reflects in the ****-water like moonlight,
like a stranger huffing solvents
in the street. All the while I think
of your location;
in both life and the placing of your feet.

I have tumbled through darkness for years now,
so far that I have entered
forever-night. Oh, I miss your
voice on the telephone,
and more so in the absence of light.

I'm having trouble with my head again,
as I wilt like the orchids
on your table. I fear that soon
I will slip away,
that soon,
I will be but a passing fable.
c
Apr 2014 · 1.6k
Fingers
Edward Coles Apr 2014
My fingers cannot scale a melody
or take a rule across lands, to the sea
and back again. My fingers have never
pressed these strings into sounds worthwhile,
nor have they ever held a person's hand
and not felt utterly incapable of human touch.
These fingers know only strength in binding;
in fidget and rhyme, as I try to structure confusion
into something marketable. If nothing else though,
these fingers can roll a mean joint, and hold a
beer bottle so precisely to these lips.
Mar 2014 · 277
Bernard's Letter
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I have suffered in a silence,
I have whispered through the pain,
too many friends have fallen down
to see it happen again.

And I have seen it all before,
weak from the escaping city roar,
all of these products replaced by noon
in a state of constant war.

The days have lost their flavour,
they sit like ashes in my mouth;
they leave me with little to savour
beyond brooding over doubt.

And Doris comes to mind,
in all the answers that I find,
to why I kept on with every struggle;
to how my heart grew old and kind.

Now all that's left is memories
and my future of decline,
the rush of life is now but thunder
and they've gutted my father's mine.

And I have heard it all before,
the lull of the anchorman's dull snore;
there's bombs falling in the desert
and there's riots in the grocery store.

I have written all my letters,
I have settled all my debts,
to all the friends who have lent me a kindness;
and all the poetry that is left.
A poem based on an old couple that appeared in a book that will never see the light of day
Mar 2014 · 315
Invisible Struggle
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I’ll remember you best
As the key to my chest,
As the crumbling fiction
Of art.

And I’ve given up on the test,
In need of a rest,
As my eyes line in poverty
Of sleep.

It’s hard just to be;
To feign that I’m happy,
With all I desire
Out of reach.

I’ll remember the bee
And nature’s symmetry,
As my two halves of a person
Collide.
c
Mar 2014 · 361
Tomorrow Came
Edward Coles Mar 2014
It has been a long fortnight of half-change,
Collecting tips for charity buckets
And scrawling ink in my hand-bound notebook.

I am nesting. Preparing my bedpan
For tomorrow’s hangover, as I learn
Artefacts of knowledge passed through these books.

There is no career plan. No thought of the
Ladders I’ll need to set on the brickwork,
Just to weep at the windows of success.

I am learning for the sake of learning,
and loving for the sake of a story.
Sorrow is wanted, just for the moment;

Just so that I can stumble through the door
And hold onto the receipt in your mind.
These agonised thoughts have to mean something.

If not, well, I suppose not much will change.
I’ll work this shift and retire again,
Always slipping back into a routine.
c
Mar 2014 · 319
Tuesday Afternoon
Edward Coles Mar 2014
Why do I think of you,
when I am walking in the day-time,
and why do I remember childhood,
each time the rain is light?
c
Mar 2014 · 645
You Cannot Own The River
Edward Coles Mar 2014
What is left to discover
beneath these primitive pages,
this idealistic sprawl
of half-rhymes and phrases?

We have scaled the mountains
and cast superstition asunder,
we have walked on the moon
and we have learned from our blunder.

For, what can I do
to be the first ****** eyes,
upon an uncharted land,
under Jovian skies?

We have fathomed existence
to the nearest iota,
we have established society
and a deep bass of culture.

All that is left is to wait for a saviour.
A new unbelievable mind
to help us in knowing,
to give us back to the stars,
which are forever a-glowing.

All that is left is to understand,
that where we are living
is just borrowed land.
c
Mar 2014 · 609
Cloud Canopy
Edward Coles Mar 2014
The hotel bedsprings sag to our weight,
we can hear the builders singing
down the fire escape.
They're singing for their winnings
and to drown out future losses,
and I think of how I came to be here,
over time, and the paths that it crosses.

And Tom is singing Hold On over the speakers,
whilst we're smoking a joint and
hiding from seekers.
I kiss you ******* the mouth,
and remove the need for words;
for polluting this moment
with a clumsy rhyme or verse.

You see me for the first time in sunlight,
the sunlight of a cloud canopy;
I whisper to you the secret of poetry:
in the simplicity of you and me.

You return my words with a silence,
but with a symphony of soft eye-gaze;
and forevermore I sleep in your witness,
forevermore, in your light, I will laze.
c
Mar 2014 · 727
Billions (Upon) Billions
Edward Coles Mar 2014
You taught me of the poetry in science,
the chorus within a sea of new stars;
the Pleiades: a nursery of infants,
and the fossil of old oceans, is Mars.

You talked to me just like a human,
through the decades of languor that passed;
you taught me that a stupid question
is better than one never asked.

In your ship I was cast to the Cosmos,
into the faintest ripple of space-time;
to peel back the illusion of politics,
and to see it as but organised crime.

You filled my mind with clear knowledge,
that'll stay through my short lifespan;
more than facts, you gave me a shining example,
of the burgeoning qualities of man.
c
Mar 2014 · 624
Michael Fellows
Edward Coles Mar 2014
My woman told me that drinking beer increases creativity. Now, I don't know whether that's true or not; but in this case, I'll put my faith in modernity. I'm drinking a can of Holsten Pils (there are other lagers available), and it's safe to say that I've aged a few years, since my uncle was laid out on the table. He drank beer. I remember that clearly. He was the only real person in my family, and for that I held him dearly. We built a bunk-bed for my brothers one summer, and he whistled throughout the day. For that day he was almost a father; for that moment, absence went away.

His death was inevitable, and we knew of its coming for years. It is because of this that I have accepted fate, and an eternity of tears. His muddied grave is a disgrace to his flesh, to the life that he lived, and to the friends he addressed. Now but a rotting Christian symbol, to remember an atheist; now but an unvisited grave, for those he loved dearest. So, I shall drink to my uncle, my makeshift father. For each Christmas he spent, drunk on cheap lager.
c
Mar 2014 · 370
I'll Catch You
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I was sixteen and lying in *****
on the bathroom floor.
My friends were similarly
in the ****; with parents questioning
'what is all of this for?'

In the dizzy spin of the basin's drain,
a new perception gave birth.
For in that moment of void
and capitulation, gravity held me;
and I fell in love with the Earth.
c
Mar 2014 · 683
Haiku #1
Edward Coles Mar 2014
The Third Eye is born
when you start to see the world
as others see it.
c
Mar 2014 · 1.3k
Corporeal Interference
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I have stopped singing for success
but instead for the ancient river's 'ohm'.
I have memorised the timeless lyric,
but can't hear the key in which it belongs.

I have stopped trying on clothes
and shifting like an old man in the mirror.
For whenever I get close to myself,
my breath fogs; and nothing is clearer.
c
Mar 2014 · 336
Gifts From Old Friends
Edward Coles Mar 2014
My lover left me for a handsome man.
She said that she was done with lazy love,
and instead; she wanted to work
for his arms in the evening.

My mother left me at the grocery store.
She said that she had nothing left to give me
past the shelves of fruits bathed
under artificial light.

My friend left me for the city nights.
He put a needle in his arm to see
if he was still human; to see
if sensation was still available at all.

My teacher left me with multiple choices.
He said that he had grown half-blind,
because beauty faded in his wife's demise.
Now, there was nothing worth seeing.

My father left me with photo frames.
Forced pictures of frozen life,
with bones eaten by cancer
and a future left unconfirmed.

My job left me in poverty.
It tethered me to caustic chemicals;
stripping my flesh, interrupting sleep,
withering youth before its time.

My former lover left me with memories
polluting each home-town street.
She passes across the road in traffic fumes;
emerging red-coated in my mind.

My cat left me for a sweet release.
She lay down her head and bid farewell
to a world of little experience
but that of my paternal love.

My life left me for a more worthy cause.
All potential spread to another, as I elected
avoidance; pushing out all friends
and leaving just memories.
c
Mar 2014 · 330
Oh Father
Edward Coles Mar 2014
Oh father, where did you go?
You're sending postcards
from the West Coast,
whilst I'm stranded in the snow.

Oh father, I hear your voice.
You're telling me to
keep breathing in,
telling me I have a choice.

Oh father, who are you?
All the evidence
of your footsteps
have faded into the blue.

Oh father, you walk with me.
You keep your ears
close to my thoughts,
in this distant city.

Oh father, where did you go?
You're being fanned
by the warmth,
whilst these northern winds will blow.
c
Mar 2014 · 623
A Thousand Lovers
Edward Coles Mar 2014
The old stars petrify in place.
Stone-set heartache over sequences
of bar and melody;
they remind us of pain immortalised
in the human race, and that in itself
is enough to fill your curtains
with happiness.

I miss the blind Parisian Busker.
The old tunes over the river
as I feigned language;
as I swelled in my heart at the
sight of the branches under
faint March sky. Tears roll down,
and I am a soft fool once again.

I remember being seventeen.
I remember looking up at
the night sky;
attributing its hue and old knowledge
to that of an infinite God.
Now that cruelty is self-evident,
nature has no need for Him.

Now I scan the world
and land my eyes delicately on beauty
as a butterfly in grassland;
unworthy pilgrim of temper and waste,
I feel nature has no place for me
either. Without art and old sentiment,
there would be no place for me at all.

There are a thousand lovers
for us in the world. They fidget
in bus-stops;
excuse themselves in queues
and stay in for a fortnight
for every moment spent alone
in a group of old friends.

They cry in their bedsheets.
Lamenting love and lack of poetry
in everyday life;
they hold old songs to their chests
to keep them warm in the winter,
and they re-animate the limbs
of heroes sleeping in the mud.
Mar 2014 · 384
Broken
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I'm high all of the time
and old habits scatter my desk.
Tobacco leaves, beer tops,
balloons and razor blades.

What else is there but
flesh-excitement? I have
found nothing in my life
worth holding on to.
c
Mar 2014 · 891
Stay With Me
Edward Coles Mar 2014
Don't leave, stay with me.
Stay with me, oh blossom tree.
Stay with me and remind me
that not everything is lost,
as you peer over the garden wall,
to greet the concrete
with your tears.

Don't go, don't leave
and just stay with me.

Stay with me, my bodhi tree.
You wear your hearts upon your eaves,
leaving love over pavements;
leading love to a truth
more honest,
than ever I could hope to be.

Don't fly, nest here
for one more night,
and stay with me.

Stay with me, weeping willow tree.
Stay with me and show me
the beauty through anguish.
Tell me, tell me that even
in these joyless days
of all potential, but minimum wage,
that there will always be art.

Don't go, stay with me.

Stay with me, old birch tree.
Stay with me and remind me
of the stories from last summer.
Walk with me to the wishing well,
past the skinny dog and naked Adena.

We can laugh through an endless afternoon.
We can quit our jobs and marry the summer.
But for each gasp of breath, of happiness,
soon follows with me falling under.
c
Mar 2014 · 274
I woke up.
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I woke up today
with the future upon me.
It pressed hard to my chest
in paralysis;
a hypnagogic sigh.

Other people pass by
as if the sun only shines for them.
They pester the street
with ease and no care;
I'm always questioning the sky.

The pain has returned,
and all the tears have dried.
There's nothing left in me
to pour your drinks, to smile;
to carry on with this lie.

Come together, he sings,
I think I'm in love, is his own reply.
All I have is the rhetorical romance
of art, never reaching completion;
the bonds I could never untie.

Cocoa butter is my solace,
returning the youth to my skin.
The rest of me is a scrapheap of flesh;
of knotted bones
and only stirring to die.

I'll fall asleep tonight
with no future upon me.
Old friends press memories
to my chest.

I hold them close, wish them well,
and for all that I can barely breathe,
I have no tears left to cry.
c
Mar 2014 · 418
James Coles
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I never knew my father, but I see him pass in every window reflection. Collar turned to the wind, he bumbles towards the book store with a coffee shop upstairs. I'm entombed in literature and fellow hermits. We become non-existence for all moments but this; as we hunch over scalding cappuccinos, eyes darting to each other semi-covertly, for once hopeful of human contact.

I never knew my father. He died of lung cancer before memories bloomed, in the space between the womb and indoctrination. All traces of him are left in trinkets, soap-preserved hair fibres in a shaving mug, and ripples of gravitational waves. He tells me that I have a place, without ever saying a word. And, he never tells me off for smoking.

I never knew my father. He was a military man and belonged to the Salvation Army. I don't think we'd see eye-to-eye now, but perhaps he would have saved me from my artist's starvation; with my bleeding heart pouring pointlessly into each and every gutter. I would have walked with more of a stride than a fluster, and call out names to the streets, without ever caring for consequence.

I never knew my father, but I met him once. I met him in the caverns of mind, as I swung around with a flashlight; hoping to find meaning in meditation. He held my shoulders as I fell to sobs, as I told him I missed him, as I told him I was lost. To that he just smiled and said:

“You're already there.”
c
Mar 2014 · 387
A Depression To Document II
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I'm as stubborn as a **** on a concrete street,
I'm as stubborn as the rainfall over London.
And as you walk away, you'll turn to me and say:
“I'm starting to feel that depression.”

I tried to go without drinking for the day,
but soon I was in another queue.
Beer in my hands, cigarettes on the shelf;
oh, I don't know where I am going,
no, I don't know where I am going.

I rehearse all the things that I want to say to you,
in the perfect production within my mind.
It takes a dozen takes, just to get that feeling right;
but now I know just what I am saying,
oh, now I know just what I am saying.

But the words, they will die,
if I feel all right,
so I'm holding onto this depression,
I'm holding onto this depression.

I'm as stubborn as a **** on a concrete street,
I'm as stubborn as the snowfall on the mountain.
I dream of a cottage, down in the south of France;
you and me can get drunk off each other,
yeah you and me will get drunk off each other.

But soon, I will pack
and leave you behind;
I'm taking just what I need
to survive,

I'm taking just what I need
to survive.

Now, I scribble all these words on a page,
and I hope to God someone picks them up,
then turns them into a doctrine for their life;
I just want to be someone's saviour,
oh, I just want to be someone's saviour.

But the words they fall away,
when I feel okay;
so I'm holding onto this depression,
oh, I'm holding onto this depression,
all I've got is my depression,

oh, I'm living for my depression.
This is another song I've written that has just sat in a folder, only coming out occasionally for me to utter unlistenable tones. Hopefully though, it has value in print.
Mar 2014 · 354
What Have We Become?
Edward Coles Mar 2014
Dare we be but overpopulated creatures
consumed in self-demise?
We've surrendered to old grey matter,
to the comfort of their lies.

Dare we stare too long at the sun,
dropping melted wax as warning
across the museum floor?
The light too unreal to un-see?

Dare we live under assumptions
turned to truth verbatim?
And, dare we forget our destination,
in our hurry to keep moving?
c
Mar 2014 · 240
Run From You
Edward Coles Mar 2014
This love is fading,
this love is through,
I'll quit this complaining
if I can quit you too.

I'll stop smoking cigarettes,
I won't curse your steps,
as you walk 'cross the landscape,
as you pay off your debts.

I'll stop hiding in toilets
for a  moment of peace,
for a moment of outlet,
for a sight of the East.

My world is fading,
as you walk out the door,
this beauty is collapsing,
as I lapse into you.

This love is fading,
this love is done;
you've quit your pretending,
you've already run.
c
Mar 2014 · 254
To My Poets
Edward Coles Mar 2014
You have saved me from despair
and all-knowing conviction
to half-truths, penny-saving,
and the unreality of all tastes confined
to that of general acceptance.

You have redeemed me from loss,
loss, loss and total loss of limb and time.
In this inactive protest,
you tilt up my chin, hold my hair
and deliver me that sweet syrup of words.
c
Mar 2014 · 926
Daughter
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I heard whispers of a secret sound,
from Alexandria, hidden under the ground,
it was the steady beat, beat, beat;
more like a heartbeat, than a busy city street.

Now, they told me once and they told me twice,
that all occasions are played out thrice.
Three times of pleasure and of heartache too;
of a blood-thirsty conquest, the people's coup.

It was a global awakening, felt in the birth
of a bleak disregard for the marketing church,
a trinity of profit, of heat, light and gas;
of teenage lovers, beneath the underpass.

We stole through the farmland,
I pressed to your chest;
we sang to the autumn,
the coming of death.

We learned in science, of covert destitution,
prostituted knowledge to save the institution,
of rockets now missiles and force-fed thought;
where opinions are rote, and all politics bought.

The whispers returned in Sumerian sound,
tattooed on my skin, tattooed in the ground,
they came back to me, in my deep, deep sleep;
gold hair descending from the great castle keep.

I climbed from my body, led up to the sky,
as oceans gather from the tears that I cry,
in solemn disdain, for the conquest of man;
their synthetic wasteland, their three-year-plan.

We collided in memory,
as time was stripped away,
forever we were kissing;
forever we would stay.

I heard catcalls from a stone-circle mound,
clear as citrus to the basset hound,
whilst Jesus was caught dealing on the street;
exchanging numbers with the ****** he'd meet.

Now, they told me once and they told me twice,
that all occasions are played out thrice,
three lovers now nothing but a status update;
that we're nothing but slaves, licking the plate.

An introvert awakening, the three states of water,
hoping one day, to nurture a daughter.
To teach her of love without any condition;
to tend to her strength, to be her nutrition.
c
Mar 2014 · 859
Nothing At All
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I lost my true love
once she found my true self,
I keep thinking life is improving,
before I'm under the rubble again.

And I'll miss you,
I already do.

I realised that I loved you
and it felt like hands around my throat.
When you had already left the room,
all freedom of my heart did too.

You see, I had nothing left but you.
But you and my assorted maxims.
Now, I've been leaked to the press,
all of my scales have been shown
to the blue-light;
now, all that is left, is nothing at all.
c
Mar 2014 · 4.5k
Rugby, Warwickshire
Edward Coles Mar 2014
Rugby town, of landlocked streets,
of wasted field and barefaced retreat;
I miss you now, in absence of a friend,
I miss you now, in the verse that I lend.

Suburb grove, of sleepy mist,
oh, battered housewife, oh blastocyst;
you will remain in place forevermore,
and forevermore, you'll become a bore.

Holding cell, of sporting fame,
you stole my dreams but gave me my name;
I think of you: a multi-storey view,
of happy faces, of which there is few.

Still, my town, in debt's nightgown,
the shop-fronts vacate, we're feeling down;
these streets are poisoned with names of the past,
each memoir to teach: nothing's built to last

Rugby town, of weary folk,
the private school is a private joke;
I miss you now, as I sleep through the day,
I miss the old walks, and all that you'd say.

Old market town, the aftermath,
of British summer, suicide bath;
of open mics and closing the shutters,
of waking graveyards, sleeping in gutters.

Hopeless climbs, of dreary times,
of childhood state and nursery rhymes;
each time that I come home, I know you less,
becoming a stranger in my redress.

Clock tower, chiming, chiming loud,
singing for history long and proud;
of Rupert Brooke and the question: “what if?”
What if I was born to some lover's tiff?

To some large and friendless town,
to some body of land, which I drown;
to some active place of pain unknown,
to some place that I'll not gauge that I've grown,

oh Rugby dear, stay with me,
let  me live on the periphery;
and although this town seems terribly dull,
it could be worse – I could live in Hull.
c
Mar 2014 · 638
You Remind Me
Edward Coles Mar 2014
You remind me of a simple time,
You remind me of a lullaby,
The way you sing in blessed rhyme
And the many times I’ve made you cry.

You remind me of vintage shops,
You remind me of the word of God,
The way I wake and still taste the hops,
In this: my hangover firing squad.

You remind me of sugared wine,
You remind me of a tired sigh,
The way we sped up along the line,
And the many times I’ve made you high.

You remind me of the Happy Prince,
You remind me of a garden fence,
The way our sparks kick off the flints,
And I think of you in future tense.

You remind me of a former life,
You remind me of tomorrow’s war,
The way that in you, I saw a wife,
The way that you so swiftly
Shut the door.
c
Mar 2014 · 443
Coffee At Waterstones
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I’m trying my best now.
I am leaving the house on occasions
and letting the sun sink into my skin.
I’m told that it is good for me,
and for once I’m willing to listen.

I’m wiping flakes of pastry
and powdered sugar from my lips.
Almonds collect on the plate beside me,
as I stop and think of you over coffee;
assessing how far we’ve come.

The folks in here are old.
They move slower than the usual
rush that is found in the streets
below; never thinking, never stopping,
but always looking for more.

I wonder what they think of me.
I should be out having ***, trying on
loud shirts and sporting caps in the mirror,
whilst binge-drinking the fountain of youth,
and chasing it down with holy wine.

Instead I sit with them, frozen
in place with a notebook I don’t deserve,
sipping falsely on a macchiato,
whilst hoping I don’t get found out;
whilst hoping to become the furniture.

This death is approaching me.
I see it in the demise of poetry,
and in the grey hair of the book shop loyalists.
I see it in their ringed eyes,
as they look upon me like some species of bird

they’d long thought to have gone extinct.
c
Mar 2014 · 257
When Everything Is Okay
Edward Coles Mar 2014
In this, the death of a knowable God,
we have turned to seeming absence,
to vacant pleasures; staring up at screens,
inviting opinions as prescriptions,

and living within the squalor
of the new great depression.

We've slipped into poses, robes
of Moses, walking to the reservoir,
the old abandoned quarry of our minds,
we meet him in the clearing;

the clearing of breath and hearing,
of inner thought and all questions answered.

In this lack of discovery: invention of distraction,
we have descended to fractions, morsels
of attention; all worship of the celebrity,
for lack of concrete alternative.

Don't take me back to the past that I crave,
nor lock me in the misery of today;
for, my eyes belong to the future,
to when everything is okay.
c
Mar 2014 · 608
Why is it?
Edward Coles Mar 2014
Why is it that I only find strength
when there is nothing to fight against?

Why is it that love must
come after pay day?

Why is it that I only take to writing,
once I have realised I have no time for it?

Why is it I only value living,
once I feel dead inside?

Why is it that people only look at me,
when I've given up
and walked away?

Why is it that the words come to me,
only after silence has fallen?

Why is it that I find myself dreaming,
yet can never get any sleep?

Why is it, my darling,
that when you touch me,
you feel nothing at all?
c
Mar 2014 · 908
I'm Still Here
Edward Coles Mar 2014
I have been drinking green tea by the evening light,
I have been wearing all my travelled hats again.

I have been striving for something beyond my reach,
in the hope that by stretching, I'll end up taller.

I have been eating croissants and drinking coffee,
exchanging currency and staring out windows.

I have been comforted by the sound of the rain,
as it taps on the drain by my bedroom curtains.

I have grown easy in this dormitory life,
sleeping through the day and then working through the night.

I have grown lazy, laid out in the olive grove,
in the eternal garden of the writer's mind.

I have grown weary through my scowling at the moon,
no more a wolf than a painter's aesthetic muse.

I have grown ugly through vague vanity's mirror,
I have grown privileged through my vacant stupor.

I'm still waiting for the love that has now perished,
a love that's now forgotten, that once was cherished.
c
Mar 2014 · 262
Paradise Recovery
Edward Coles Mar 2014
Talk to me, oh summer's day,
please, lift me from my silence,
this painted room
is an eventual tomb,
if you don't lead the way.

Take me up in purpled light,
please, fortify my garden,
this barren land
and all this shifting sand,
it barricades my sight.

So, with all the time that I have left,
there beats totality in my chest,
as I cling to all that is sublime,
I've paid my dues and served my time.

And time, time always comes to my mind,
how shadows lengthen and clocks will wind,
but I'll tarry for you, oh summer's day,
as you take me from my heart's affray.

Talk to me, oh childhood's end,
please, gift me with your wisdom,
this tarot card
predicts a future hard,
in the absence of a friend.

Love me now, as I fall and bow
at the mercy of discovery,
I'll take with me
only memories,
in this paradise recovery.
c
Mar 2014 · 280
8186
Edward Coles Mar 2014
This is a time when good words will falter,
my subtle decline and rank disclosure
of all the things that I once claimed to love,
I'm chained from the sky; I'm chained to the Earth.

I'm killing the cancer, I'm kissing you,
I'm within my own mind, I'm missing you,

you're wilting in sunlight, you're leaving me,
you're hitting your targets, forgetting me.

I am a man of a tiresome load,
a grave concealed under the morning snow,
of gracious poetry, of failed adult,
of weeping willow tree, of heart grown cold.

This is a time to prepare the slaughter,
lay down our arms, put old selves asunder!
This is the time for all words into thought,
of Earth's spinning dance, a whisper of God.

I'm tired of longing, I finally see,
I need this belonging, I'm finally free.

You're posting your letters, you're doing fine,
you don't need me here, for the sun to shine.
c
Mar 2014 · 263
Different Strokes
Edward Coles Mar 2014
Our own desires sit false on the page. Stewed in our longings since memories born, there is a tedium to our cravings, and scorn for all the outstretched arms you have torn.

All passions come in a bespoke flavour, it's tailored to the pattern of your sight, my dreams are just saliva in my mouth, but yours can offer never-ending light.

So, I give to thee sacrifice of page, in the hope to bring back taste to your food, in hope you'll see my friendship coming through, in hope one day I'll soften down your mood.
c
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