I want to feel like I did at the dawn of day
But dusk has long since been on its way
Night of broken strings I tug and I fray
Thinking on the warmth of sun in yesterday
It never will rise again, I will never be okay

Mayday, mayday I'm swinging low
Into waves and crashing to and fro
A cosmic painting of emotion
Just another drop in the ocean
Blue abounds around me down I go

Can't tell up from right down from wrong
I thrash and fight as I get tugged along
Currents pull me with promise of holy
Belief will be your light, can't fool me
Angler fish in the void you won't eat me

I will grow purple and bloated like the royals of old
Waterlogged in darkness I float into the cold
Decay of flesh leave the bone soon I will be dead
I will be gone from the abyss but I never will have fled
Boldly I resided in the night drowning in the cold

My legacy will fade away seconds after I am gone
Nothing last in the colors of the night I have flown
In the colorless sky, a colorless soul never to be found
My whole being frays and I become unwound
Day never comes, the only son has set out on his own

Cut off some friends haven't been out in a week
They out to party like life isn't aboutta end
Say I'm paranoid, Say I oughta take a break
That's stupid, not sorry and I mean to offend

I get outta bed gas mask on the bedstand
Light up a match flag burned and trash canned
WW1 ain't **** to an anti-science fascist land
A rancid maggot-infested wonderland

Don't ******* tell me to chill cuz your blind
Eyes pecked out by shills now you just unwind
Your ironed out wrinkle-free smoothed out mind
Hunned K dead tell me what do you intend

With all this mask hatin and beach partyin
Blue suits over human life you ain't kiddin
Eat my **** and die this last year meant nothin
******* and all the fun we had we ain't talkin

I'm not perfect I suffer my addictions
But I would never **** some to perdition
Cause of prejudice to a skin condition
If loyalty to pigs is your position

We are through we ain't crew you ******* tool
I know I'm a bad person but you're worse than
An ex dealer while I grew you stayed a fool
It stings losin a friend but you ain't a man

See myself over the shoulder
Never associate with my self
**** hits the fan and I get colder
Losing touch with myself
Feels like I'm watching another life

These hands can't be mine
Hands shackled by crime
Over the shoulder
I watch a colder
Man than I, a killer

Treat myself to a cocktail and drugs
Treatment to stop failure of lungs
Self medicate and consolidate my ego
Before I lose my will and let it go
The last shreds of who I was sposed to be
Before I was exposed to the street

Look at an old photo and I don't know
The ***** in the picture where'd he go
Soft boy with kind eyes found on a milk carton
Killer was caught found in his skin got a pardon
Accomplices with Alice, Jane, and molly
I'm still me? are you ******* kidding me

I can't be someone I hardly know
Every action and word is for show
Reactions I can't predict what he'll do
Snap and he might follow through
Or I could rein it in and stay cool
Is he I, could be I wish it wasn't true

Can't hear a word you say
As i drown in rosé

Cook our intelligence
Look at the belligerent
Hate filled hornet nest
Continent of ****** pest
Fumigation of the U S

litigation red tape
when a sticky red fate
gets caught on tape
Oppression communicate
When killers walk out gratis

CIA, FBI, NBC, All of them be
Lying to me, cause the tv told me
this was the nation of the free

**** that we are a nation of slaves
Haven't evolved since yesterdays
Declaration freedom from tyrants
Then drove the natives to tears
Never equal when they see ants

Regicide of a king who had a dream
Martyr the leaders to slow the steam
Now the nation burns its mainstream

ACAB, SRA, BLM, All of them be
Talking to me, cause life told me
That freedom it ain't really free

Data stream use instant transmission
Every one, one team with one mission
Can silence a king how about a nation
All chasing the dream of compassion
Fighting mace and tears with passion

While our president hides in his residence
Plotting with pence on building a fence
And Biden forgets he was the antecedent
Passed in 1997 military gear to the precinct
Two party election, its insanity or compliance

That trump boy works with Geppetto
Puppet and toy to masters he echos
Funny money, president to get dough
String pullers they really made a show
Now the polls they swinging so low

But Biden's another flunky
Dancin to the biddin of ******
Oligarch kings of the country
Sayin dance you ****** donkey
**** the country till it walks funny

Scared of the protest they cant contest
Plants in the crowd to **** interest
Cant fold wont be fooled by insects
Declare a war on our country's best
Commit war crimes in blue vests

I don't know where our future will go
But if we keep movin and never slow
Where we're goin is better than now
Yesterdays wounds will heal I know
This nightmare could end tomorrow

Maybe this was never the land of the free
But it could be if we wanted it to be
If we plant the seed nurture it and see
Keep it safe from greed's insanity
Nurture it with bodies of the bourgeois

Life whats the cost, yeah whats the cost
Is it all I've lost, yeah its all I've lost
Keep the lights on, pay that bill
Where's the food gone, musta ate my fill
Lights on in the loft, food gone I'm growin soft

I grew up in the radiation of the city sun
Long work weeks and shoplifting city fun
Grinding gears and hamster wheels to run
Getting to the city maybe I jumped the gun

Wanted to kick it in style out of the wild
Got kicked to the curb and put on file
Put to work washing up a dish pile
Customer pleasing and greeting for awhile

Till my custom became scraping for greenery
Money fields where I toil lost a harvest to robbery
Green fields smoked it for miles burnin some shrubbery
To make my life smile for a little while then back to drudgery

And maybe I hold a grudge but who are you to judge
Lived my life harder partying in the mud and sludge
Lost my mind in the rain to a psychedelic deluge
Lived my life harder crying in the mud and the sludge

Even now that I've gone across the pond
And it all couldn't be further
My past still holds a strong bond
To my habits and murmurs

Life whats the cost, yeah whats the cost
Is it all I've lost, yeah its all I've lost
But I'm glad I'm able to grow fat and soft
Even if the past is still haunting this ghost

Free flow is a wild ride no goal or pride
No drive, I walk through with no guide
Moods wax and wane with the tides
Interests ebb and sway with nights

Till I slip into that choppy water
Another case of human fodder
Lassoed by the greed of the butcher
Yanked in undertow to the slaughter

Fish out of water panic and inhale
Alveoli drenched skin turned pale
I die as I breath unbirth the tale
Toxify blood with Co2 as I trail

Fray at the rope around my throat
Underwater choke under the boat
Hull just above so I can't float
Got painted with a blue coat

Bruised blue finger tips and lips
Washed on shore gather the chips
Zombies walk the coast for licks
Get those rotten green bricks

Use em to buy resurrection
An ride the turgid *******
Of life with no protection
Just to feel the connection

Life is overrated but its the only show out
By default rated highest number one it touts

I know I shouldn't touch the flames
But I keep reaching out covered in burns
I can't feel my skin
Tongue taste tin
I left my brain
So I'm right as rain

Right on time give me some change
Right on time can't you spare some change
I know, I know
I've really let go
But it don't show
The flames they glow

And I shouldn't put my hand forward
When it sparkles I'm fine being charred
Tired of tryin
Now its time
For fire and wine
Am I unkind?

Rude of me to offer myself away to the pyre
Not my fault that I'm burning your final wire
Hot to the touch
Unfit to be a crutch
I don't want to touch
You'll be my torch

I'll burn out and you'll catch the flame
But you still have our skin and our brain
You will feel pain
of the oil rains
On your skin
Change will burn

On time or too late I don't care I just know
That sooner rather than later I'm gonna go
Living life lighter
Gonna be brighter
I'm going faster
Won't last here

Who wants to live forever
Rather be spectacular
A spectacle
Unpredictable
Uncontrollable
Until I am unable

Progeny of sin                                                              ­                           Genetically inclined                                                         ­                                            I’m the next of kin

Ideal is in death                                                            ­                                      Apathy is in me                                                               ­                                                  I am losing breath                                                           ­                                       

Worshiping hollow hope                                                             ­                                           Pray to the self                                                             ­                                              Take a little dope to cope                                                             ­                         

Dry eyes, dryer tears                                                            ­                                           Cold blood, colder heart                                                            ­                                               Flat-lined mind,                                                            ­                        where are my fears

Leave me alone,                                                           ­                                          Help me please

Poems filled with different words but they feel repetitive
Words filled with different meaning but they feel repetitive
Mind filled with different thoughts but they feel repetitive
Soul filled with different parts but they feel repetitive
State filled with different beliefs but they feel repetitive
Country filled with different people but they feel repetitive
World filled with different walks but they feel repetitive
Time filled with different events but they feel repetitive
History filled with different tragedy's but they feel repetitive
Life filled with different cycles and they feel so repetitive

We write down the sadness in ours souls to cope with the passing
I write my sins I write my hate I write my sadness and its repeating

As a society looking the other way when did this become okay?
I think it was yesterday when we made our way from oversea

Came from the isles where they subjugated the whole world
Hate held in humanity's heart since Carthage evil we hold

I cant see a bright future ahead when our future is in our past
When I see everyone repeat the same mistakes only one thing lasts
The repetition of pain and misery in future, present, and past

Dreams tainted by the course of age
I've acted like the prince but stood as a page
Thought my rage was past tense but I don't change

Expectations of respect but I'm not royalty
And I still stand with all my hate and loyalty
Sleeping soundly and when I wake its regrettably

My waking life is spent as a constant
Eyes closed with dark bags tired my countenance
A need to be a man of substance, a brain with content

It drives me to escape and sleep all day long
Life on my word the path of pain where have I gone
Burn in the night to escape the change will never come

Always I seek the validation of respect
Only break is sleep some stolen moments
Born poor and envious my life is one I reject

Heart beats in indigo even as it lets go
Dark and bruised still I will always grow
No need for an escrow when I rest it all goes

Ten thousand years and we're still peasants
Now the ruling class hunt us like pheasants
Presently they act like their oppression is a present
When we act ungracious get gassed till we pleasant

They never cared when opioids hit the street
Why would they when their the pusher
Catch you with drugs they sold and they're the punisher
Arrest an addict and then in the cell they **** her
Evil ******* in the force enforcing like predators
Live life proper and you'll still end up behind bars
If blue stars decide your life offend theirs

Armed like the military and they declare war
On the peasants fighting brutality and alls fair
Might mace a kid cause his skin aint fair
So much pain and I'm no believer but I send a prayer
For every Trayvon Martin and every Tupac Shakur

If we're being real police have never helped me
All they do is spread fear and imprison the free
They'd shoot a man for taking a knee
But let a murderer walk free
Police cause chaos in the street
So defund the police and lets see
If we can have peace, finally

Never was in the project I grew up next to it
Word up to white privilege let me out of sewage
Friends born without a chance so **** it
If they burn this ****** down I'll live in wreckage

Hundred years ago they were objects
Hundred tears now they live in projects
Hundred dead still deaf to the subject
Hundred voices tune out this movement

Shame'em for kneeling ruin a career make a mockery
So ****'em no complaining enough fear not sorry
Protest erupt in the country built on the back of slavery
**** the police **** the government and **** the property

This is about humanity and who we wanna be
No more hiding from reality now you have to see
And if you swear fealty to Trump you aint American
Follow a bunker ***** who saw trouble and ran

Declared antifa a terrorist movement
Antifa: **** fascism the creed
Some people wondering where peace went
Died under knee unable to breath

To serve and protect that's what they say
To observe and oppress that's the reality
They been taking from every poor community
****, maybe its finally time that they pay

A human with empathy could never be content with this ****
If you chant blue lives matter or MAGA then die you *****
Humanity will never progress till we're all equal in this *****
Lastly if you don't support the movement then **** my ****

Hard to sleep in these times of turmoil
Apparently trump is our new royal
And currently those that are loyal
Put people in the *** to boil

Lights I need some light
Light I need a light
Born Bright now dim
Burn Bright till dumb

I see a future ahead  we'd be better off in hell
Its hard to get out of bed hard to get out my head
Still put feet forward even when everyone's ill
When no one can pay the bill well, oh well

My side likes silencing and witch hunting
Their side likes killing and witch burning
I have to confide I don't think we're winning
And from inside  it feels like tragedy is brewing

Generation of dead with nothing to lose but their life
They kneel and it hurts their pride the fuse is short
**** your future **** your friend its legal in court
No time for a suture or scripture soon is the night

The time is up the toll is up and I ask whats up
God and heaven above to witness a massacre
Tear gas in your eye I cant see it either
Empty void of space to scream I need a breather

I'll be in my room at the end of time
Our tab is called and we wont be fine
Too soon it comes the night is nigh
Don't ask if you look you know why

Life has always been short
We end soon after birth
What is the worth
Of life grown from dirt

We think ourselves as gods
Above earthly things like endings
No life is above its own decaying
Soon there will not even be the words

Apollo's arrows bring the plague of our age
And as he sets Mars comes in the night
To hunt in fallow fields within her blight
As mortals we react with despair and rage

Humanity is throwing a fit no one can breathe
Tears turn to blood and it leaks like a sieve
City's burn as our leaders forget how to grieve
Never had to care never told how to behave

When its over I don't want a prize for participation
Or even punishment for all those sinners
Life has no losers and it has no winners
We all fall down and I live in anticipation

Posturing with a burger king crown
King has a nice ring a nice sound
But as much as I grasp even at my last
Final gasp of life I'll die in the low cast

Eat glass my thoughts are cosmic
But my body is earthly and sick
Thoughts of supremacy flow arrogantly
Reality is that's a fallacy thoughts fall flatly

Big fish in a small pond but just a bottom feeder
Drift aimlessly but wanna think I'm a leader
Talk big but I ride around in a one seater
Really lived that life but never had a heater

I can say proudly I've never caught a body
But quietly I have poisoned somebody
Dope dealin addiction feeding on the block
Just selling mush and that smoke never rock

Still took mans paycheck when the rents due
Slid em the product and fed their flue
Killing em slowly for profit in my pocket
Small time pounds I'd stock it and move it

Re-up from a college girl with Mexico plugs
Still worked that 9 to 5 could never be a ****
Just a petty criminal surviving on the scraps
Get fast food while bumpin gangster rap

I'd shoplift eggs when money was short
When rice and beans was all I could afford
Needed more, desire turned me sour
Shift managers had me scraping to petty power

Delusion of grandeur in a dish pit it didn't sit
Couldn't humble myself almost bit it
Pride killed my mind, body dead in the grind
Joints poppin body failin, drugs melting mind

Suicidal thoughts when reality didn't match
The life I wanted was always out of reach
No chance at a home and a that Mercedes
Just traps debts and loans maybe I'm crazy

Maybe I'm bad with money, that's funny
Got help from affluence got lucky
In one year saved 15 racks once out of the trap
Glad I never took that shot at a dirt nap

Who knew the answer to making money
Wasn't work or effort just being lucky
Knowing somebody not trapped with a hand out
Took it and pulled myself out of the ****** plot

Wonder when I wont have anymore to say
Is that when I will finally fade away
Wonder if anyone will care to say
Another word of me when I pass away

Smoke is still on the horizon
But the heat is far away
Lost the clouds in the confusion
As I insist they must stay
They drift out of the bay

As they gather they grow heavy
With the shadow of death
A storm brews with its levy
Taxing life of its breath
Soon rain will be wept

Shadow looms over the patriot nation
Darkness blooms over rot and revelation
Sadness runs across the holy nation
One under god Indivisible stagnation

Cant pray the disease away rotten to the core
Maggots fester in its brain as it screams for more
Cursed land of plenty parasites in every pore
Tragic fates for all who hate and adore

The past is genocidal our forefathers were homicidal
Get the pesticides and apartheid **** the undesirable
Dont think wrong, look wrong, be strong just be small
Cause above all this country is for the weak and frail

Small minds create the law Frail hearts preserve order
We ****, enslave, then set aside to create the mortar
Built the rails of immigrant backs got our labor mail order
Shipped them from Africa to be the chained and stabled labor

We committed upon humanity nuclear holocaust
And to be sure we did it again at reasonable cost
Landed on the shores and it would've all been lost
Found a savior and on a trail of tears they were cast

Now we stand divided by our caste by our birth
Left to escape the kings only to crown our first
There's a humor in this storied past a dark mirth
A nations hero complex perverted by imperial thirst

Conception of endless consumption capitalism's
Inception with bad intention left no options
They say socialism is communism and communism's
The devil all red looking for our destruction

Jesus has a Gucci  cross and Versace rags
Status and money worshiped in all these rags
News of the second coming stocks on the rise
Every day another person dies so a bottom line rise

And these people want to be crushed underfoot
Protesting protection demanding oppression
The uneducated pedestrian Loves licking boots
Complacent peasants never gonna change succession

Evil and corruption isn't only at the top look at us
***** in a *** make change seem like it treasonous
Cant even discuss trying to change the U.S.
Without some ******* saying just get off the bus

If you wanna see evil all you gotta do is look at the street
Where they'll lay you out and take the shoes off your feet
Everyone desperate poor man rob a poor man to eat
Everyone's addicted everyone's a deadbeat debts on our sheet

Sometimes it all feels hopeless like I'm helpless
To systemic problems made to chain my dreams
Only thing keeping me going is all my friends
I cant change the past or even the now nevertheless

I still exist and I am forced to coexist with this mess
Everyday historical its forecast oncoming endless stress
Every year piles on the duress death creeps in the press
Whispers in my head wonder if I could care less

Tired of caring about **** I cant change
Of a living in a  life I didn't make
Emptiness and regret/Contempt and rage
Emotions flipping  page to page

Wanna be someone cool but I'm a loser, I'm a cheat
Wanna get a move on but all I have is my two feet
Watchin my life pass me by everyday on repeat

I've cheated liars I've ran from honest money
I've let late nights and party's create a personality
Ive let it escape me, take over me, become me

Have I made it somewhere with this crown
Have I finally walked enough to be someone
Have I become happy now that I'm not alone

**** if I know but it sure is fun
****, I know I'll never turn
**** its so hot I'm gonna burn

This is a game of chicken with no way to turn
This game full of people who cheat for fun
This life of thrill seekers who just wanna burn

And I've taken my throne king to someone
And as king I wear a heavy metal crown
And with its self righteousness  I sit alone

Its not the reputation, nor the money
Its desperation for people to like me
Exasperation and greed to personality

Someone cool bit of a liar and a cheat
Walkin with all I have my two feet
Every day life happens on repeat

I don't have any dreams
I want to live in a dream


Cant make my own anymore
Take from others hollow at the core


The drugs burned with joy in the rain
Ashes washed away and I remain


I haven't felt the same
Since I felt that rain

More than a bargain, it cost me more
But now my brains scattered on tour
Of every moment and place I hit the floor
No catharsis every stops been a chore

But I'm still looking to travel some more
Tonight my face hits the floor once again
I'm traveling through life on a tour
Feels like my body is the bus for my brain

I'm looking out the window as life happens to me
Sight-see mountains high and valleys low
Where the crows fly is where I'll be
The journey is slow and even though its all I know

A empty spot resides of another way to go
So another way is where I'll go
Till I crash and my body's all over the floor
And I 'll get up and look for more

Up at midnight do you feel alright
Its another fight isn't that right

It's late and you've gone too far
It's alright  your just bleeding tar

Track marks and wide eyes
See stars and their dead lies

Rob your nephew, Your his hero
You need it more, in the end though

You feel regret but the pills make it okay
Burnt foil follows wherever you stay

You hate the dismay and pity in his eyes
You cant feel okay that pill will get you high

And when you fall you'll die alone
No more friends no  more home

There's romance in a bottle of wine
Its rotten and dry but its divine

Coast across the rapids of life
Avoid all the struggle and strife
People and problems cut by a knife
Excised them from my life

No problems left in my wake
No people left when I wake
All alone for eases sake
The easy ride is all I take

In between life and death
Taking breath after breath

I'm sorry but I don't know what for
This worry I cant stand it anymore
My brain is stabbing  my heart
The pain is pulling  me apart

Brains pulling on the strings
Straining against the heart
Till my blood starts to sing
Of a life falling apart

And my brain wonders why
I feel all this pain and misery
Why do I fall low why do I fly
Its unstable chemistry

One day I feel so alive
The next I might just die
Next all endless drive
To numb and dead eyed

Workin for a livin
That bacon sizzlin
Housin and medicine
Keep dreamin

Big house a car and some kids
Stead I got a bike and some sids
Family taken to the big house by feds
And a bank account in the red

So many said I wanna be dead
Everywhere its read
The depression of the kids
Generation of the dead

Still born lost in the womb
Bombs dropped on Aggha-Solatan
Satan throwing food in a lunchroom
Playground spats killin  all around

So which  team you stand with
For the game of pleading the fifth
Actions and words Irrelevant all on faith
In a team like our lives are sport on earth

Everywhere on earth us against them
Them against us and all for them
Rich kids throwing fits bangin drums
Gettin people to march out of the slums

Say I'm unambitious but I just wanna be rich
Wanna feel something before I'm left in a ditch
A pure love nestled in my heart but life's a *****
So long since I was able to feel a tender touch

My stony heart lacks the sense of feeling
Barely call its beating a state of being
Clay in the shape of a man pretending
That what it does is really living

You got red eyes and irises so blue
Commiserate an sigh along with you
Problems we already knew not so new
I try to solve the case without a clue

Sunset just goes by talk in twilight
Embers of words keeps us alight
A fires last stirrings before it dies
And we part off into the night

Holden a narcissist pride
Eat my heart with rye
Look at a sunny day with a sigh
Always feels like the end is nigh

Sell out a million for a billion
Bloodflow, cashflow all im feelin
Keep pumpin till oblivion
Aint no ceilin and corpses pile on

Unapologetic ******* cash rules everything now
Pathetic stay low and when I pass you better bow
Autokrat choose when the deathblow hits earth now
Fully automatic sell to to the Congo, cash for ammo

God is cash and im feelin like money
Only one I'll let in to heaven is me
Peasant blood best remember fealty
Best worship the ground beneath me

I Keep pushin on the system till it cracks
While its delegates write me a paycheck
They lick my boots while I crush your neck
They watch as you suffocate fear the plutomaniac

Drinkin vino toast "finito"
Did it ever start though
Brain aches so slow
Down the flow
More wine now

Rolling grape ape burn a jay
Feeling clouds so high I pray
At the void to just stay away
White noise is the everyday
So soon its almost may

Twenty two years three without fear
Even still death feels so near
Melancholy life consuming cheer
Burn it,, drink it, just to feel tears
Raise a glass and toast "cheers"

President wants us dead for the bottom line
Maybe after its over they might give him a fine
More like he'll get paid and it'll get called fine
Every rotten thing I thought of this home of mine

Confirmed by massive stock dumps at the onset
Could have saved a thousand lives instead get
To make a death cult worshiping  the market
Divided on whether our lives are worth it

Government is arguing on if they should **** the poor
Cause they aren't making enough millions this quarter
Trying to push the death toll even higher
Nothing changed, seeing its just easier

Bloodshed of decades propagated by us
Bloodshed instigated by our vote in the U.S.
Now the murderous ignorance will hurt us
Uneducated voters and idle people of the U.S.

Blood of the poor who cant get healthcare
Blood of the third world to small for care
Lives ruined for capital and power ever year
Lives ruined for capital today its so near

Ice rinks filled with corpses are the price
Sweat shops and misery are the price
Ghettos and brutality are the price
A world burning to ash is the price

For our gross negligence these are the costs
For our uneducated country lives are lost
For a red cult once again America could be lost
A new red scare more insidious than the last

People support elephants as they get crushed underfoot
They loathe they're constituents willing to make any cut
Cut education, cut healthcare, but the always get their cut
excised the experts, gutted the cdc, its so clear ******* cut

Who is rotting the body why is this body failing
Maybe its all those cuts amputating everything
Maybe its the glut of wealth stopping blood flowing
Maybe its the suicidal gasping and grasping

Always reaching for the wealth and power
Rabidly wanting higher, higher, higher
When 99.99% of ******* fall lower
And the .001% stand on corpses piling higher

And all I can do is sit quarantined and vent my anger

To ourselves we lie saying its a new beginning
And every-time we cry we see its just a new ending
So its time to finally start pretending
That what we have is a new beginning

Turmoil has yet to spoil the fury
loss isn't the foil to blood boils
It brings my head to a broil
Then round my neck it coils

So I start again this time better
Keep myself up to the letter
Scars hidden under a sweater
And I've never felt better

Better than being dead
Better with some dread
Met her stole trust from my head
Now my heart has to be spoon fed

Lobotomized by a lie
Internalized as mine
Things will be fine
Fine in its own time

I discarded my heart in the dirt
Buried with my pain and hurt
Follow my idol the punk Kurt

I'm so tired so now I'm dreamin
But now I'm so tired of dreamin
Cant even remember the skin I'm in
Or who it was that got where I am

Now I commit a cardinal sin
Find a sacrificial altar to begin
Place my soul somewhere within
This is where one part is at its end

My body will make its exit
Somebody will cease to exist
Yet its all worth it I insist
Gotta make it to subsist

I killed myself and found someone else
But he walked in my skin with a little less
Less weight on his back its good I guess
But the old spirit wants to possess

It wants its body back from this stranger
The haunting tries just who is stronger
Who will I be as time goes longer
I think my present will be placed on the altar

Another casualty to causality
Death built up my personality
But who will keep my body
It definitely wont be the current me

But whose to say there's a future somebody
Who will take ownership of this body
I think that this body will eventually
Just belong to nothing, nobody

****-en my brain cells, in the moonlight
Lost-em with Jane, in the fire light

My heart is so ******
Isn't that how it should be

Spread it everywhere this disease
Make friends with care my release
Dopamine is starting to cease
So like frayed twine snap and release

Friendships made to fill my heart
Void fillers made of broken parts
So dumb yet I must be smart
To get these people filed in my heart

Never enough companionship
I'm addicted to a disease called friendship
Extrovert is just addiction to lips
Speaking to ignore loss with a quip

Friendlists for miles
Start and spark my smile
If I'm important to them
I'm important then

Enough to ignore holes in my head
Lobotomized I think like I'm dead
Repressed emotion and dread
Just ignore the stupid **** I said

Ramblin for miles then quiet for awhile
Thats just my style spacing out lookin at tile
Jovial all the while looking like I'm on trial
A laugh is the only time I'll smile

Losing touch so I make a new friend
Just looking to make my own pain end
Using people like they're money to spend
I pretend the pain will end with the next friend

But a void cant be filled it just takes more and more
To get dopamine in my head I need more and more
So I try not to be a bore or make others too sore
When lookin to gather parts for my busted core
Always goin towards  that next score

Its time to draw a lot from a devils claw
Born in Soldotna to a family of outlaws
Went below Iowa off  Mound Street In Arkansas

Left  before we attended police court
Landed to heat and haze I lost my heart
Left it complete in yesterdays start

Bounced from hotel to motel
Settled down in a ghetto
And had no choice but to let go

New start became a bookworm
And the people made me squirm
Awkward red cheeks that would burn

The compliments came in often
But it only made me frighten
Called exceptional so often

Test always said I was bright
On every test I would write
Cheating out of sight

A diet of highs
Prizes, Trophys, lies
Gave my ego a rise

Dad did the best he could
Till the oxy popped his hood
Empty eyes haunt my childhood

Came to school holes in my jacket
Wadin in a cesspool a poor bracket
Low income the rule bein empty pockets

Ate at reduced price at the mess hall
Head full of lice, bed bugs on the wall
Mind full of lies, delusion my heal all

Voices in my head told me it would get better
Voiceless thoughts all that held me together
Tomorrow it'll get better, tomorrow is never

At recess I traded and sold pokemon cards
Started with a few old cards made more with words
A dollar here a quarter there robbed kids with a word

A few years later I got a step mother
She was an agitator and instigator
Drug addict waitress, a complete failure

Brought two kids, two chains on my dad
He was playin with roxy, eyes empty and sad
Step mom spent the money things got bad

Stopped leaving my room became a shut in
Years alone only out for school started fallin
Grades got worse, lost my friends, death was callin

Alone for years on end as my father abandoned me
Just like my mom who left so long ago with no apology
Failed my 8th grade year then got sent over the north sea

Departed for Alaska and found that my heart
I left so long ago at the start was forever lost
Not so smart and without a heart I began a new start

Forget and live
Regret to relive
Memory's are lazy
And the past is hazy

Years lost in a sigh
Who even was I
Just some guy
Lost in the lie

****** Mary come out of the mirror
And see me with that face of terror
Stay with me in the mirror ever fairer
So ****** a fear blossoms forever

****** Mary what have I done
Oh why wont you come
Does it not seem oh so fun
To put an end to an ugly run

****** Mary answer my query
Why am I not a worthy quarry
Why am I so unworthy
Of you turning me too a slurry

****** Mary, ****** Mary
Come to me and forever be
Last to see my eyes teary
From a dreary sob story

****** Mary don't abandon me
Like those faerie and fantasy
Hidden from reality in story's
Mary I worry your not really

More than just a story