Geanna

Geanna Jun 2018

I feel like i'm alone
I feel like i'm a lost soul

As if no one will dare
to show me that they truly care

I have an urge to relapse
I wonder if that'll pass

It's like no one can see
that i'm not really free

I want to be at at peace
will that be ease?

I want to hold up my white flag
when I should be playing tag

Maybe one day i'll look up at the sky
and say my final goodbye

~ G.P.O
I made this last year, the day after my birthday

#lonely #lostsoul #urge #relapse #depressed #suicidal #trapped

Geanna Jun 2018

Disorders

Do you know it feels to look
in the mirror and be
disgusted with what you see?
To always think you're a fat pig

Do you know how it feels to starve?
To feel your body eat itself
To hear your stomach
beg you for food

Do you know how it feels to
constantly work out?
To continue even if you're tired
and start crying

Do you know how it feels to force
yourself to *****?
To re-taste every meal and
have it all come rushing back out
To clean your ***** off of the toilet

If not, then congrats
You don't have Body Dysmorphia, Anorexia nor Bulimia

If so, then i'm truly sorry
just know that you're not alone
Things will eventually get better, I promise

~ G.P.O
I made this a bit over a year ago. I added the very last part

#bodydysmorphia #anorexia #bulimia #eatingdisorder #depressed #struggle

Geanna Jun 2018

Happy Birthday

A smile replaced with a frown
A laughter replaced with tears
A happy thought replaced with a sad one

The day that my birth is celebrated
Is the day that I worry
It's the day that I never thought would come

16 years alive
5 years of battling my own mind

My body stands here
scarred
damaged
struggling
..
but still functioning

5 years down, many more to come
Cheers to me and cheers to you all
Happy Birthday to me

~ G.P.O

#happybirthday #battling #strong #survivor

Geanna Jun 2018

Stop pretending

I told her that I was tired of faking it
Faking a smile and a laugh
Tired of trying to be 'Okay'
when i'm not

She told me "Then stop pretending"
It took me awhile before I did that

Now I don't pretend as much
At times I fake a smile and a laugh
Just so they won't feel awkward

People are asking me if i'm
okay
..
Even her

Why tell me to do something
if you're going to
Question it?

Here I am,
lying to her constantly

~ G.P.O

#lying #fake #pretend #depressed #alone

Geanna Jun 2018

I'm sorry

You're supposed to be there by my side
every day and every night
You're supposed to bend your back when
I bend mine
You're supposed to help me and support
me with everything I do

Yes we do have arguments
Yes we do have disagreements
But at the end of the day
You love me and I love you

Lately things have changed a bit
you go against me or
I go against you

You want a future with me
But i'm not so sure if I see
a future for myself

You try helping, but it's not working
i'm sorry darling
i'm just not worthy

~ G.P.O

#unworhthy #future #love #changed #help #imsorry

Geanna Jun 2018

To Think

I think too much
yet
I don't think at all

~ G.P.O

#thinking #toomuch #notenough #thoughts

Geanna Jun 2018

Coming Out

It can be scary coming out of the closet
Escpecially to your parents

It's sad to know he won't
accept it
He won't accept me

So I have to hide it
Pretend i'm just into the opposite gender
It's hard at times
It *****

Parents are suppose to accept
you for who you are
To love you no matter what

But for me
..
Lies are everywhere
I can never truly be who
I am

He will disown me
See me in a different way
I'll lose him
..
For being who I am

~ G.P.O
I wrote this before I came out to my parents. I changed it a bit. My mother accepted me. My father found out about me. An ex-girlfriend broke up with me through text and he read it. He almost kicked me out. He's still in denial about me. If I were to have a girlfriend I'd have to keep it a secret from him.

#comingout #lgbt #bisexual #hiding #whoiam