I dug a little too far into myself and ended up staring at you

Sleepless nights always start the same
A shaking I can’t control
I chill all over
I know somethings wrong
It keeps me awake
Often it has the same effects
Eventually the shaking turns to rocking back and forth
Tears spring to my eyes like a soldier at attention
Late at night I can’t handle it
it ruins my efforts at being distracted from the causes
I break down
I stop what I doing and sob
as the soldier tears rappel down my cheek to my chin
and dive off the edge
Sleepless nights are the loneliest
I sit there afraid
Of losing you
Of myself
Of myself without you
I can’t bear to be without you
Losing you is the crippling fear
in the back of my mind
that keeps me lying awake at night
and on nights like these it’s the worst
it seems real
like i’ve lost you with no chance of return
Last time i had a night like this
you sent me “love you too”
i kept it on my phone to look at it to reassure myself
last night like this i looked at that message 16 times
scared that it would change
i can’t sleep on a night like this when i don’t have you
i need you more than sleep
i need you more than life
i need you more than anything

Forget me not I beg of you
for it will leave an ugly residue
on my heart

seasons change
as well as my mood
but never my scars

for many hours
I dedicate to sitting
in the dark

I often think
of the moon
and how alike we are

to be seen
but never
understood

to be heard
but always
ignored

to stand alone
forever and never
to be longed for

hearts that drip with blood
don't belong
inside cold
empty shells like us

so the clouds
steal our breath
and leaves rustle
telling us their stories of death

so our lonely souls
become miserable enough
to do society a favor
and clean up our own mess

the only difference
between us two
is I can die
but he will remain glued
brightly to the heavens
as I fade here on earth

I remember when I was just a kid,
playing video games and dancing rock n' roll.
I remember all the happiness I had,
doing the stuff I used to like.

But one day everything became dark,
****** thoughts and sadness all night.
My mom asked me why I was sad,
I didn't know what to reply.

I have the urge to see blood,
running through my arms.
The pain I feel is inexplicable,
I don't even think you would understand.

But that's just me being alive,
I guess I am just alive outside.
I am dealing with this pain all night,
because I am just dead inside.

(m.v.a)

When did
your love for me
become a
*disappearing act?

Your silence is a kind of
Grief,
From words that were left
Unsaid.
But when swept in a drunken
Heat,
The words of then are bled.
××××××××××××××××××××××××××
I know you more;
Yet, still I don't.
There's more for me to see
But keep your mouth and desires
Shut;
Do not be familiar to me.