i feel like i am circling the drain

If i had one night ima spend it with you
i need help real soon
i might die in my room

I wasn't who she thought i was.
after almost 3 years.
I wasn't who she thought i was.
i was never that person, but i spent 3 years trying to be.

i cannot only feel my memories fading
i cannot hear her voice in my head anymore
i think its a good sign but i miss her voice from time to time
it was home in a sweet package
setting me at ease no matter the location
keeping me still and present
farewell

Why do we do this
we both can't seem to leave eachother
you could stab me in the heart
or leave me in the freezing cold
i'm still gonna come back to you

want to erase evrything from everything
i have no aspirations
weaning off dreams from highschool
nothing matters for me
hoping for something to come to me
but i must go to it

I feel like i've written about you and only you
i wanna do something to make you feel the way i do
and i've said this a thousand times too
i want to make you love me the way i love you again

Empty
like the drugs you do

i tend to attract a lot females
is it the mystery i hold?
is it the toxic behaviour
whatever it is
they must love it
i'll use their bodies for my fun
but in reality
i only want my ex
and their just helping me drown all my pain in ***

once i overdose
i'll see the rest of you
in hell

If we go to the moon together
Do we get Forever ?

Every time I see another pretty soul
Get swallowed up by drugs
I die a little inside

I'm so scared i don't know what to do
i'm going to be so lost without you
i'm nothing without you

I mean if im being honest the love i deliver
is kinda creepy
but it isn't when you're on your knees asking for
the nastiest things you could think of

You have so much pride
But the liquor cripples your mind
And you make a fool of yourself
Every single time

Don't text me again
i don't want a long paragraph with a goodbye at the end
that scares me the most
closing the door forever
you don't need me but i need you
just don't text, don't say goodbye yet

I hate eating
i don't wanna eat
i can feel my stomach aching for food
but i don't think i could swallow a bite of anything
i don't wanna eat
it doesn't feel good
everything tastes like chalk

You take your leave once again
but this time i was expecting such a tragedy to happen
i think i could feel you losing interest
i could feel you falling out of love
but i'm more than happy you might finally be gone
because you do nothing but confuse me

i need the opposite of options.
i don't know a word for that
i just know that if i am given options

i will choose the worst one

i'm writing this because, if i don't write it somewhere
i will end up finding a way to get it to you.
Amy, i will always miss you, in every waking moment of my life.
I wish we could figure it out
can we just talk please? can i know what you're doing
i see you in everything i do. i try to distract myself but it
will always be you who is tattooed on my mind
i miss you so much
i miss your presence
i miss everything. i miss you Amy, i wish you would come back.
I want the life we always wanted, i wanna work towards it with you
i don't wanna see you move on
i don't wanna see you holding another guys hand
i know you cant wait for me to do something to better myself.
but i want you here while i do it
i want to hold your hand while i do it
i wish you weren't gone.
i wish you didn't block me on everything.
i know trying to contact you would cause so much pain
so im just gonna cry over my keyboard
and write what im feeling.
it helps. but soon i might do something reckless.
im scared i wont see you again
or if i do, you'll be with the love of your life
or you could look right through me.
like i was never even a sliver of your life.

I remember
when you used to hold me close
and say you loved me

So fast
i waited for you for so long
once you were finally within reach i sprinted for the chance to love you the way i always wanted to
this shower of affection was all too much for a recently broken
girly
i hope she actually loved me, it felt like it was real
but the way she left me without even a word
screams that she never cared at all

Almost believed the girl when she said
she missed me
but she's not making an effort to talk to me
and thats okay cause i wouldn't talk to me either
i just wish she wouldn't have said she missed me
it's all i've been thinking about

No need for petty lies my dear,
Simple conversation fixes everything
Be honest for once
With yourself and me
I believe you mean no intentional harm
But your mind is all over the place
And sudden changes in heart leads
To destruction of self worth and
A twisted idea of what love is supposed to be

this passes with time, things hurt for a while but they get better
you don't keep sticking the fork into the outlet once it shocks you once, right?
Wrong actually, that pain makes me feel alive
something to feel in my soul
so i continue to go back and forth, emotions felt so deeply i fear of taking my life.
On the hardest nights i have to write something to get the words out
or i will silence them forever.

i want to run away
to a place
with faces i'll only see once
and names i'll only hear twice

Let's try it again?
same book, same ending
it's my favourite book though
i'll never get sick of it

Early leave of confidence to live
worlds going to ****
apparent mindset

I hate this feeling
this is why i do drugs
because i'm scared to feel like this
im sweating in my bed and i cant sleep
only now do i wish so much for nothing to feel
nothing to touch or smell or see
i just want to be completely, Null, i want to not exist


is this the tragedy we are all born with?
Do we all just cope in different ways?
is mine just drugs?
will mine take me out?
i am not that lucky.

The dark circles under my eyes dissuade most from looking my way
i look as if i am on dope
not yet

do not like to talk to people because nobody understands me
the circles under my eyes aren't from sleepless nights
maybe they are
i don't know anymore
days blend together
i don't use my vocal chords for days at a time
when i try to speak it hurts
can we just sit here in silence while i nod off?