A box of prescription drugs on my table.
It holds your name. Stating what is wrong with you.
Flaunting the details of where your body is
Failing.

You notice the hair on my pillow.
Shame.
Worried looks.
Anger.
I find none of it in your eyes.
You buy me razors.
"Do you need any help?" you ask.

Kisses on my bald scalp.
Beauty. Now we match even
Better.

See,
This time, you won't leave me with a scratch,
I'm good as I can be,
I won't give you anything to watch,

This time,
You won't leave me a scar,
Every wrong you ever did to me,
Will fade away like a dying star,

This time,
I will feel no pain,
I'll turn numb,
And won't break again,

See,
This time I will be free,
Away from your lies and abuse,
And finally be free,

Look at the sheer beauty of the camelia;
Hot, yet delicate pink petals contrast against the lush green of the Spring grass
How long she waited for her buds to burst into bloom
Patiently waited through stark Winter frost
To hold centre stage on the first day of Spring
Oh, how short lived was the fame of the sweet camelia
Her hot pink heads scattered all too soon on the dewy grass beneath;
How much thought we waste on how things may have been and what the cost
While the camelia patiently sways in the breeze
With no remorse for what is lost.

My legs were shaking
so uncontrollably
as I inched my way towards the
cold tile floor
on a Friday afternoon

It climbed up my spine
Into my hands
as the water in the cup
Shook and spilled
onto the floor

I look at the new mess before me
then up at the one in the mirror
staring right back
as I realize
as of now
only one can be helped

Because the shakes came
and left just as quick
but the thoughts that clawed
my skull
took root within my mind for weeks
on end

And after they grew comfortable
they invited the guest of honor to vacation
within the gaping hole of emptiness
that existed within my chest

Except when he was there it didn't
feel so empty
only heavy
and even though i asked them to leave
they had grown too comfortable
with my discomfort
to give it all up

Okay New York here we go, today's the day.
That we're speaking in memory of someone who spent their whole life pretending to be someone they never could be
Loved by many but everyone who has ever loved you was a figment of your imagination
What is a person without a spine to hold them up right?
A snake in every sense of the word.
You slithered around your whole life glorifying your misery for a retweet and a spot at an open mic
What better describes the life of a starving artist than to sleep in your car but be found dead in the morning
You said you wished she would meet you at the rocks in Montauk but you were at rock bottom the whole time and no one would meet you there.
And you were down with abandoned ship that washed up against your loneliness
And abandoned things should stay abandoned when they're full of black mold and pathetic
I wrote this poem with my left hand because you felt like you were someone else
And I used my left hand when I finally pulled the plug
Time of death November 28th 1986

Newly oriented to certain fragrance
Spring whiffs may never smell the same
Coming out of nowhere, like elopement
or questionless death; perfume or incense

Redolence of planting garlic cloves
Also inhalation of hyacinth gives dissimilar
but now current to what may be good
or more thought provoked with profundity

Deepness sets in and pushes out
All goes on, but different
What's certain is, baseball season has started
and batters will have whiffs

Hope I will break away
From the darkness of the days
Hope that peace will engulf me
And to this world of extremes
I can tell it Im not wanted here
I was never made to be

I can see light at the end of the tunnel
I feel right at home at the end of the tunnel
I can see light at the end of the tunnel
I can feel the peace I've never known
I can see the people that are gone
at the end of the tunnel

God you are the light
The universal love of my life
In you there is no darkness
No hate, no pain, no hell in flames
No need to torture anyone
Made free via the son

I can see light at the end of the tunnel
I feel right at home at the end of the tunnel
I can see light at the end of the tunnel
I can feel the peace I've never known
I can see the people that are gone
at the end of the tunnel

All the trials that we have
Will not mean anything in the end
Life can be so bad
I wont make it seem like a friend
So many struggle and fight
So many hope for a glimpse of light

I can see light at the end of the tunnel
I feel right at home at the end of the tunnel
I can see light at the end of the tunnel
I can feel the peace I've never known
I can see the people that are gone
at the end of the tunnel