The truth is such painful step
To take when I don't want to yet

But each day I see what I get.
Makes me wonder.. is it worth it?

Now it might seem
So close to perfect..
Perfectly fine
like I say I've always been.
   Though you know I've never been.

Closed my eyes
While the feeling
building up inside of me
  Stands on my chest, that caves
     Makes it hard to breathe.

Let's do this again
And again. Like my mind can't forget
Every single word they say, speaking to my anxiety.

And so it begins
Like it ends
Then I'm left to pretend
It comes easy as friends
that I have made,
But not today

I'd rather isolate.

My intentions stood
On everything good.
Tried to fix it
But can't skip the inevitable

Merciful his grace
Discovering my faith
Can you fix it
Can you  make my mind quit

Confusing thoughts with words, why can't I make it work.
Dyslexic
It's a mind game
And I dont want to play.

so this is it
a waste of my
time.
Time better spent
waiting for your goodbye.

But you walk right back in
like its your ******* life,
take all you can get
at least until the next time.
  
I wallow in this
pain left behind

making me sick
the taste of your lies.

nothing would make me happier
than to hold your hand for the rest of our lives
grow old with you
and watch our grandchildren play under
the magnolia trees in the summer sun.

Press me against you
Like flowers in a book

I have no
regrets
about who we were
just one or two
about
who we are

I have been absorbing darkness
For a long time
Painting my burning rays
Across where you could not see
Do you feel lighter
Now that you are illuminated
I was not hungry
But I have swallowed up your sins
Spit them out as blessings
For you to feast
It hurts to heal
But I will not make it
Any harder than it has to be
I am here for your journey
You will never know
The role you play in mine
I could find you
Blind and mute in the dark
I would not even struggle
I only wonder
Why you lost me to begin with
There is no grievance between us
I will seek you
Until you are whole again
I am all the broken pieces
Of anyone I have ever loved
I am all your pain and your guilt
I am your fears and bitter truth
I am the voice of reason
Telling you, you are worthy
Taking your pitiful currency
As gold
I am the temple
The offering
I am the unburdened
Go, and be light
You are free
Even of me

You knew I would never be evil
Never be cruel to you
What you did not know
Is that once you are evil to me
Once you are cruel
I will never allow
You the opportunity to do it again
There is strength in my silence
When I find weakness in your words

one year from now…
the thought of your hands grazing over my skin,
or the sound of your laughter after i tell a bad joke,
the way your eyes become so much smaller when you smile,
or the reminiscences of your cologne in my car,
the taste of your tounge as it brushes over mine,
it won’t make me ache,
because one year from now,
i won’t know the you that i so desperately want to have now.