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Dazed Dreaming Oct 2017
Nested in the snow..
I bask in the suns glow..
I think about our fights..
Nothing but frozen ice..
You fire words, left and right.
but all they do is ricochet.


I know you're thinking you've won this fight.
That I'm paying the ultimate price.
But your so wrong, because its not costing me anything.

When I think about you now.
I realize that your love was nothing but, a waste of time.
I've finally left you behind.
You've made no mark on me.
You're not on my mind.
Please don't ever try and press rewind.


Its like I'm walking on snow.
Hearing the crunch as my feet walk away.
Im leaving no footsteps behind.
Leaving no trace of me for you to follow behind.
When all the things you said never carried any weight..
I came out untouched and I'm simply, leaving this place.
When will you get it? When will it all sink in...
I'm so unaffected.


When I was flying high, on fixing our marriage and repairing things.
You sat back and laughed and tried to clip my wings.
You shot me right out of the sky.
Sending me free falling into our mess of things.
You tried desperately to mend things.
Fake some kind of truth, make up lies.
So I'd forget about all your bad things.
Lies were so hot leaving your lips.
Freezing every aspect of trust until it didn't exist.


You tried desperately to place your blame and your guilt on me.
You wouldn't stop until you found fault in me.
You can project yourself, and hate so easily.

You already lost so give up and let me go.
This much you should of known.
All mad and spiteful because I didn't buy it no more.
You huff and you puff but I'm not blown away.


When are you going to get it?
All my love for you has melted away.
No more of your freezing rain.
The sun has melted all my feelings away.
Took me a minute but I finally got this one to where I'm okay with it lol
Dazed Dreaming Oct 2017
As I drove through a small town in oregon, I couldn't help but pull over and stop.
I don't know what came over me..
But I had to stop.
I got out of my car.
Stood next to a lonely and deserted highway.
And took in everything around me.
All the trees were different shades of red..
Some were yellow with hues of orange.
Simply put, it took my breath away..

I listened as the wind picked up..
I listened to the rustling of all the fallen leaves swirling around at my feet.

I listened to the stream that was nearby..
The urgency of water rushing over bolders and rocks..
Oh, My Beautiful oregon..
I'm going to miss everything about you.


It was a rare moment in my life where I felt completely conflicted...

This was my home...

How foolish of me not to realize I'd actually be this torn.

I knew that with me closing the final door and chapter on a part of my life...
That space needed to happen for me..
I knew..
I couldn't stay...
In beautiful..
Rich..
Intoxicating
Invigorating..
Peaceful..
Oregon.­.

It was this truth that brought tears to my eyes..
As I watched the sun rise...
It was a truth I guess I let slip my mind.

...
So I made a silent promise to myself..

I promised myself..
That someday...
Someday in the future..
I'd return...
To the only place I ever really considered home.

My Sweet Oregon.
I'll miss you.
Dazed Dreaming Oct 2017
What sweet bliss is this..
One more week of this...
And its long gone...
Ill never have to see you again..
Youll never see me again...
Ill never have to run into you again...
Oh such sweet bliss is this...
My freedom from you is pure bliss...
Dazed Dreaming Oct 2017
***
I'm uneasy tonight..
And I couldnt tell you..
Why..

My skin crawling..
I'm uncomfortable...
I cant pin point it..
Where is this coming from..
I'm just uneasy tonight..
Maybe its because..
I know your there..
No **** that..
It cant be that...
I simply do not care..
Maybe its just today..
Maybe its all the **** I'm suppressing..
I've had one glass of wine..
Been awake since 3:40..
Maybe its surfacing...
The fact that I'm really leaving..
Leaving all this behind..
Its real..
It's happening..
I'm moving..
Its happening faster..
Than a blink of an eye...
I hate change...
I feel like I cant breathe...
******* its worsening..
Why did I drink that glass of wine..

Its time to lay down...
Digest..
What I cant seem to swallow..
Today has been nothing but hollow..
I feel panicked and sorrow..
I have to stay positive...
I need to swallow...
Exhale panic..
Inhale my sole purpose..
Remember that all my dreams..
I'm meant to follow...
But not here...
Not were pain lives..

Breathe...
Look forward to tomorrow...
Tonights horror is not meant..
For you to swallow.
Weird night
Dazed Dreaming Oct 2017
I saw you today..
By accident..
Caught me off guard..
Wasen't expecting it..

You looked the same..
Head deep into your phone..
Unaware of what's going on around you..
Restored friendships...
With whom you hated...
All because I left you alone..
And all because you cant stand...
To be alone...

Cant say I'm surprised..
You were always high school..
All pom poms on game day..
All talk..
Loose lipped...
Knowing nothing of loyalty..
Starved for attention..
Mouth running constantly...
To whoever would listen..
Always kind of wide eyed..
And not really there...


Yea...
Nothings changed...
Your still the same...
What can I say though..
I have no regrets...
Walking away...
From a ****** up friendship..
You did me so *****...
Like we were in high school..
And if you hadn't noticed...
I graduated years ago..


The life you choose to live with you and your kids...
Just isn't okay with me anymore..
You hang out with 21 year olds...
Girl, your 30...
Your Regina George's mom..
Quit playin...
This **** isn't funny...


I hope you invest all your..
"Extra time" into your kids..
They need you...
I'll miss them..
Ill miss you..
I use to love you like a sis...
But I grew up...
I've outgrown your *******..
I've hung up my gown and tassel...
Its time for you to do the same..
Dazed Dreaming Oct 2017
Im bad at love...
But you know I can't help but try..
Go in so deep..
Drowning in nothing but you..
Cant blame me for trying..
Believing you were it for me...
Insecurities..
Jealously..
Always getting the best of me..
Got that attitude..
Cant be wrong..
I dont mean to frusterate...
I cant help but feel this way..
You're hard to resist babe..
But im bad at this...
Im bad at love...
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