I see you looking down..
Feeling like your nothing but a let down..
Have you lost your will?
Your will to carry on..
To put one foot in front of the other..
To get out of bed everyday...
To pretend in every way...
Pretend to give a ****..
Pretend to care about...
Anything and everything..


Are you searching...
Searching for anything...
To fill the void...
Fill the emptiness..
Fill the hurt...
Fill the ache from heartbreak..

Do you find yourself..
Trying to erase the guilt..
Erase the memories..
Do your failures play over in your
Mind like an old sitcom stuck on repeat...

Have you lost yourself...
Maybe even your mind..
Have you lost your smile..
Have you lost all hope...

Are you reaching for peace...
Reaching for solace...
Reaching for better days..

Do you hate it when people say..
I know how you feel...

Well I do...
And I'm sorry you feel this way..
Take it from someone who knows
Just how hopeless life can really get...
My message to you if no one has told you...

Life will get better...
Your life does in fact matter...
No matter...
Your color..
Your size..
Or gender..
If no one has told you..
Then let me...

Your beautiful..
Your worthy..
Your vibrant..
Unique...
Your situation is not who you are..
And it doesn't define you...
Your brave..
Your strong..
And your life matters to
Me..

I'll never understand you..
How can you look at me that way..
How can you be so mad?
I tried to tell you..
I tried to explain...
You say you understand..
But then you push me away..
Giving me the cold shoulder...
I know you're frusterated..
With me..

But like moth to a flame..
You always come..
Back to me..
Your touch is so gentle..
Your heart is so real...
You'd never purposely hurt me...
I know what you feel is real.

But I tried to tell you..
Im ****** up..
I'm black and blue...
I told you..
Love does not live here..
That ***** don't even visit..


I looked up into your eyes..
Bared my soul..
And told you..
I love you too..
But..
I had to go..
I had to spread my...
Wings..
And fly..


I know you promised me forever..
And I know you love me still...
The only thing I ask...
Is let me find me again..
I'm sorry it's selfish..
But for once in my life...
I have to be...

Ive let you in my world..
You saw first hand that it was...
all red and orange engulfed
With flames..

I tried to tell you...
There's nothing left in me...
but ash and a heart thats been burned...
Way too many ******* times...


So I love you...
Be patient..
Be with me..
But let me go...
Even if only temporary...

Time is my biggest issue right now...
I feel like my life is..
Forever on pause.
I hate this place..
I hate coming home...
I want my new life to start...
I want this place to become a distant memory...
A forgotten Atlantis city...
Swallowed up and buried..
By the raging sea...

If I could just speed up time..
This would allow my brain to sleep..
To regroup..
To erase all the fake friends...
Erase you...
Erase what I felt for you that wasent true...
Wasent real...
All I need is time to pass me by...
But...
Time is keeping me prisoner...
everyday testing me...
Is there no end..
To this hellish chapter?
I've won that long drawn out battle..
I've proven myself...
To God..
And everyone else...


I want to retire..
Let me close my eyes...
And sleep...
Forgetting all the...
Monsters and freaks..
That always seem to creep...
Let me bury this chapter deep...
So that I can..
Finally be free.

I blinked my tired eyes open...
One morning...
In September...
I felt instantly different...
Something that had been there with Me...
For so long...
Was gone...
Just like that...
That one morning in September...

I'll never forget that day...
The day I stopped loving you....

It was the first morning in years,
That my mind didn't immediately go to you...
It was the first morning...
I didn't feel that same dull ache deep... Within my heart...
It was the first morning l didn't cry...
Not even a single tear...
And it was on this morning that
I realized..
I finally let you go...


I suddenly just knew....
That I would never spend another night...
Comparing myself to the girl you left me for...
Over analyzing...
Sleep deprived..
Maybe even a little
Crazed...

Never again...
Would..
I..
Spend another day...
Looking...
Searching...
For something that didn't exsist...
No more hoping..
To find even a shred of evidence that you loved me...
Even if it was in the most tiniest of measures...

You know nothing of Heartbreak...
And how it brought me to my knees...
Worst fears realized...
I was nothing but a ghost...
Stuck in limbo...


I  hated you for a long *** time...

I remember...
Going back and forth...
Between my heart and mind...
Arguing over you having an ugly heart...
And no soul...

No soul,
Behind those beautiful blue eyes...
I didn't want to believe that...
About you...
Let alone let that be my last memory of you..

But what are you to do when someone leaves you in ruin?
What do you tell yourself?
What would you have me believe?
You left..
Nothing behind but grief...

I knew you didn't give a ****...
I know you still don't...
I know you feel some kind of validation in everything you've done...
And thats where we're...
Too entirely different people...
I could never do that to someone
I loved..

So..
You gave me no choice...
I let go when..
You forced..
Me..
To doubt everything we shared..
To question your feelings for me..
Cant you see?


To question...
The one person you once loved more than life itself....
It does something to you..
It's nothing shy of a hell...
I'd never wish on anyone...


It was the hardest battle...
I'd ever faced...
But I overcame it...

On that sweet September Morning...
I came alive again...
Because I let go...
Because...
I let you go...

Ive accepted you may have never loved me...
But I can't say the same..
So..
Before you even realize it..
I'll be gone...
And I want you to know that despite everything...
And no matter what you go through..
In life..
Without me...
If you ever one day in the far future.. find yourself..
Thinking about me..
On a cool summers day...
When the crickets begin to sing...
Know that you were loved indefinitely...
In the best way any person could ever be loved...
Even if that person...
Was simply
Just me...