I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure  
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay

Smile on his face makes my day
A single 'Hi' from him,is my only appeal
Still he is unaware of what I feel.

An accidental eye contact even ceases my heartbeats
A short conversation even makes me fly high
Still he does not realize I love him to the sky.

He never notices i always stare at him
These silly things make no sense to him
Still i can not help but think of him.

He is in love with someone else
I know he is not going to love me back
Still i let my heart him to hack.

We do not look good together
I am not even a perfect match for him
Still i am in deeply love with him.

He may never feel the same for me
I may never confess my love before him
Still he will always be mine in my dream.

How much i love him
I can not ever show
And he will never know.

Someday you’ll love you.
From the sparkle in your eye,
To the pitch of your laugh,
Even the color of your hair.

You will love every part,
From every wrinkle,
To every crinkle,
Every part of you.

But they will try to tear you down,
To make you frown,
To make you think you’re not worth it.

But darling you listen to me.

From the way you walk,
To the way you talk,
You will be mocked,
But don’t you listen.

From your weight,
To your height,
You are all wonderful to me.

Maybe one day you’ll see,
The beauty I see.
The way you were made,
So beautifully.

But until then,
Do not forget,
On how true beauty,
Comes from within.

Winter has settled in my garden,
Why did I not see the frost arrive?
Ashamed, I begged the flowers' pardon,
But the roses are barely alive

As I lift each flower, the petals fall
Upon the ground that once nurtured them;
Summer's calm became a wintry squall,
A chilling frost has weakened the stem

And now the ground is covered in ice,
The tender buds have withered and died;
For what purpose was their sacrifice?
Such loathsome things leave me mystified!

My heart has not shifted its season,
Steady in its clime it still remains,
Love's broken promise - the heart's treason -
Caused the killing frost and icy rains

Witnessing my joy and grief collide,
Swift-winged angels urged me to depart
This garden where once love had denied
Loneliness admittance to my heart

Why does the refulgent moon still crest
O'er that path where I first touched his face?
Where even Death would be deemed a guest
Were I to expire in Love's embrace

But to that garden I'll not return,
I've locked the gate and destroyed the key;
Time will quell my longings as they churn,
Time will heal this searing agony

Love has turned me bitter, though more wise,
Yet, the wisdom of love comes too late:
Each night, waiting for the moon to rise,
Darkness finds me standing at that gate

Times moves
Like waves.

It comes and goes,
Elongates and
shrinks.

It doesn't exist.


-- Eleanor