Words, redacted,
Still echo in my mind.
Esteem in shambles.
Foundation unstable.
Aware enough to know the fallacy
Yet to weak to tune it out.
Communication misheard.
Emotions unchecked.
Can't swallow this;
Choking to death.
Words on a CD disc
Covered in scratches
Skip-skip-skip, away to oblivion.
I can't breathe in a pool of oxygen.
Weights lifted,
Pressure remains.
Heart is ready to burst
In a gruesome seen
Of mental instability.

Today I am "okay."
"Okay" invokes no questions,
"Okay" raises no brow.

I bare the burden of your mistakes.
Forced into scandal
Reckless actions induced
Best efforts lost
In chemical seduction.

Your weaknesses become my wounds.
Lust swooned to torture
My mouth stitched shut
I'm plucking on the stitches.

I want to shake you;
toss you down the stairs,
slap your face till your eyes open.
Not to hurt you
just to break the spell,
of the pharmaceutical sleeping beauty.
She got ****** into falling in love
with Snow Whites wicked sisters.
Mind askew in egregious hypocrisy.
She's got the frog emerging into a Prince
but the slipper no longer fits.
Mind lost in jealousy and greed;
vanity and self-doubt.
Ate the apple that positioned her thoughts
into thinking zombification is the only answer to this painful life.
Lacking the courage
to face the telling mirror.
She wonders alone, lost.
Falling down the rabbit hole.
Desperately grasping little vials,
"Eat me"
to hide from the truth,
"Eat me"
forget about self-loathing.
If only the vials carried an ounce of courage
the girl could find the moral
of her privileged story.

Mind wonders all the time
About the curves defined by glowing silk
Soft as clouds and sweet as summer rain
My fantasies loom in my clouded mind
Distracted by lust and desire

Snaps

Garçon
An order of perception please;
Side of hand mirror.
Additionally,
I'll take a pair of shoes,
Your size fits
For dessert I'll take personal reflection
But no hypocrisy, for it doesn't settle well.

Merci

Joints simply electric.
Aware of every muscle.
Feel heavier today,
Did I wake up on Jupiter?
No, just barometric pressure.
Each step a chore;
Try not to let it show.
My mind compensating,
Trying to ignore what the brain perceives.
By then end of the day I am wasteland.
Existence becomes intolerable.
It's times like these I forget,
That my minds on constant auto pilot.
"It's not pain it's pressure"
"It's all a misfire"
"This isn't real."
Without a rested mind,
I melt, I burn, I'm plagued by electric waves.
Harshly remained of what I daily ignore.
Some days I can't do it,
Today is one.

Learn how to talk!
Type out a message
Erase it.
Chemically induced paranoia.
Marooned by burning bridges,
I fear starvation.

Just surviving life right now
minutes or hours at a time.
It's not pretty.
Poems don't lie.

Perhaps that's why
I can only gush feelings
in some rhyme or pentameter

Not really pentameter,
to much work and time.
This **** has no flow other than
how I think I'd speak it in my mind.

Can't call it slam.
It's just word *****
so I can read it over
and over and over.

Send it to a friend.
Narcissistic desire.
All positive reviews,
so it doesn't matter.

It's easier to remember the feeling this way. (I guess)
Jaded poems of a jaded mind.
My issues are simple
relapse, replay, rewind.

Chain smoking simply for the high,
Et Cetera, et cetera, along those same lines.
Got all this to live for
yet that **** still remains?

Are you ******* serious?
I thought I served my time!
Regressed back to a default state of mind.

I thought I was better than this,
control seemingly was mine.
Normally I'd meditate;
not in that house of horrors

I barely eat,
Not drinking water.
Nothing but making it worse.

Escape: all available options.
I joke about it.
Reminiscent of Lennon:
Help