I'm tested everyday,
Tempted to throw away
The sanity that's kept my mind at bay
If inconveniences are shadows,
then troubles are ink-blotted water
trickling through the canals of my temporal lobes
which causes me to follow
any thoughts of failure instead of success
better to wallow in bed then get dressed
I almost forget that I am blessed.
I aggress the trickling pain
by staring skyward
like a man seeking the opportunity
to fly
soaring above the problems that cloud the eyes

Your sweat dripping and mixing with mine
Your sudden ramblings and whine
The uneven summer sun tans
The reds and scratches on your back
All natural, and all I ever want
These are the things
I daydream on the daily.
These are the days
I imagine myself living.
Your absence,
the single worst lethal threat
Your face,
so close while catching our breaths
Our hands,
always there for each other to hold.
All these makes for the moments
that makes our love worthy of it all.

Oh I beg you to please annoy me.
Cause me all these inconveniences.
Come closer, stop being such a tease.
Make me the most vexed woman to exist.

My body is the training ground for
All of the reject demons
My inner demons failed to qualify as the right sort of fight
To match with any worthwhile struggles so

My inner demons are over dramatic children
     They do not wage wars
     They throw tantrums
     They stand inside my temples and pound the walls
     When they do not get what they want
     And shriek ringing into my ears until they turn blue
     Then fall asleep when they get tired
     Forgetting that they were supposed to be upset
My inner demons are pretentious
     They call themselves demons
     When they are more like imps
     They tickle at anxiety with the nerve to call it an attack
     And separate velcro and seams with the audacity to say that
     They broke something
     Then press on my heart
     Daring to call it an ache
My inner demons are clumsy
     They walk with their toes curling around my eyelashes
     And slip and spill their handfuls of tears
     At inopportune moments
     As I tremble due to the ones
     That have tripped and tangled themselves
     In my heartstrings and vocal cords
     Causing me to grasp my rib cage in desperate attempts to reach them
     And tear apart the inconveniences
My inner demons are shy
     They sway in my veins to the rhythmic pulse
     With clawed hands outstretched to the blue walled sky
     Cautious to never leave a scratch through my skin
     They dance on nerve endings and muscle tissue
     With footwork just gentle enough to not summon bruises
     And hold themselves still against my capillaries
     As if their presence might distract my blood from
     Its daily circulation
My inner demons are hoarders
     They over-stuff the filing cabinets in my brain
     With reports and analysis of too many situations
     And pick up old emotions and hide them in the recesses
     Of each ventricle and aorta
     Creating pseudo-space for newer, stranger, replicas
     Then pack extra breaths into my lungs
     Storing "just in case" inhalations and overused sighs
     They insulate their homes with extra calories and extra clothes
     Hiding until they can forget themselves
My inner demons are moody
     They like to stitch up new wounds with the thorns of roses
     And pry open old ones with feathers
     They tie my tongue with pages of foreign textbooks
     They tie my tongue in gauze and cotton
     They tie my tongue with other tongues
     And pins and needles and teeth and drawstrings
     They are self depreciating and they know that they
     Are not worthy of their title

My inner demons are pathetic
     I suppose they're right where they belong

This is a poem I wrote looking out my window this same evening in autumn I think I was just feeling a little lonely..


Life, it passes by outside the cold chained window
As I stare out into the light, out of my lonely dark corner
My eyes burn a little, I don’t mind though, I’m used to the pain life brings me
It has grown to a dull itch rather then a perching pain

It has been made null and done in by the pain my heart brings me
For the love of my life, the one who lied about his feelings,
He, he has ripped it out of my chest, painfully and slowly
Taking his time and plotting each and every single step he shall take

To make me suffer more then I should
I see a copal, and how cute they look together
But then I look into her hims’ eyes and see, I see what I saw in my hims’ eyes
I shan't worn her for tiz her own petty fault as was my own when my "incident" happened

I’m not mad at him, I’m sure he couldn’t help it, it’s just one of those unfortunate inconveniences
I hope it was anyway, even so I’m not mad, it was my own fault
So as happy life goes on outside my cold chained window
I watch and wait to see all the unsuspecting victims who will end up like me
But they’re different, they think they’ll have someone to blame

I'm in Love with an *******.
It might sound harsh,
But its mostly just accurate.

He says his feeling for me are in a state of 'flux.'
He says a lot of things like that.

He thinks I repeat myself too often.
It's one of my many flaws he feels compelled to highlight
With alarming frequency.
But he says a lot of things like that.

He ***** me like he has something to prove though.
(Probably because he does.)
It's almost biblical ****; I swear
we can move mountains then.
Or more impossibly,
we can show each other we actually care.

The things his wandering hands can whisper to me
Coupled with the things his hips can scream
Give me brief moments to believe
this is real.

But then its over.
And it's back to
nit-picking
bickering
******* contests.

We will never be comfortable.
We will never behave.

We both know how this will end.

An endless loop.
The world's worst song on repeat.

He says a lot of things like that.

Who here loves *******?!!!
I mean, dogs
Obviously…
Immature people.

I love ***** shows.

Seeing them all groomed to perfection, not a hair out off place
A shame some cute faces will just go to waste.
While some may whine and some may resist,
If it’s not monetised, well… does it exist?

Lined up in a row
Look at them go
Praying and hoping to win best in show, just for a itty bitty wittle headpat, while the owner gets useful things like money.
Cause a dog can’t use money, that’s just silly

Nails perfectly trimmed
Intelligence dimmed
Watch how they walk with a little trot, so proud of themselves,
its like they forgot they only have the same rights as their owners in 6 countries.
But dogs don’t need equal working rights, that’s just silly

Look its absurd
When they whine all their words
Clogging up space with their frilly likes and their silly ums that totally like inconveniences like everyone because they have to um like listen to a ***** talk for um longer than they like totally like um have to like ***.

But they aren’t so bad, especially when you’ve had
A ***** that wont behave, a ***** that’s gone mad
Howling at the moon with their wandering wombs
It’s like there’s no party, only balloons.
If a ***** wears pants, do they go on all fours
Or do they get sent home for showing more than their paws.

Gasp at how they growl, protecting their hairy bodies, which, silly them, they don’t own.

They must be culled
Anger dulled
Knock in their thick skulls they are nothing but a *****.

We all love ***** shows, we love the ******* even more.
So come on ladies, get down on all fours.

so many inconveniences
-
the tiny parking space I am given
the red lights on the way to work
the empty pack of cigarettes
the commercials on the radio
the obnoxious children next door
the distance between you and I
the fact that you are just a boy
the realization that I am getting older
the light that flickers on my vanity
the churning in my stomach
the god awful heat wave
the lack of flowers in my garden
the lack of a garden in general
the promise of you moving on
the ache residing inside my chest
the empty pill bottle on my dresser
the nightmares about you
the heart that refuses to let me die
-
so many inconveniences

.it's called pronoun usage focused upon the experience of claustrophobia, or rather, the lack of... hence: one thinks in order for one to be... unus, cogito, unus se, per ergo; these people went after grammar... not a good idea; i've had my doubts... but... i also have my... rigid beyond religious orthodoxy credos... infringed upon denials! grammar is one of them!


well...
if we're going to go about our
verbiage as we've done...

pronouns...

   sorry...
   i have to do this...

or rather...
   one has to resort to this...

one must think / hinge on such
matters...
  
    one must execute such...
"inconveniences"...
one must, press on such
matters...

        just so, one is able...
to counter the trans- pronoun usage...
with a royal,
pronoun usage;

happy?!
     go on... two is able...
two think...

figure it out... tow along;
as a Nascar wreck...

because started thinking...
is pluralism intact
pluralism... on the basis of
an isolated instance of
a disfranchised base within
the confines of He... or She?

no?
well... the royal pronoun
intervention...
  as one would expect...
or rather, as one would hope so...
  
  hello?!
    i think the lunatics have run
the asylum long enough...
their supposed asylum,
formerly known as society?
   not good enough...

call the guys in the white coats
that... everyone seems to fear.

I'm angry
I'm angry that this is the world we live in
I'm angry that I can't walk down the street without being harassed
I'm angry that I constantly have to think about how people will react to what I wear
I'm angry about the everyday inconveniences this world has made for me
But more than anything I'm angry that I have to think twice about helping an elderly man into his car
I'm angry that today there was a disabled man slowly pushing his wheelchair across the parking lot and I didn't help him
Because that's the world we have created
A world where we are consistently aware that even by being good we can be punished
I am so angry that I sat there and watched that man for ten minutes
And didn't move because how could I know that he wasn't another Ted Bundy
How could I know
We have created a world with such a deep chasm of distrust that I can't even believe that this poor man was truly disabled
As a woman I have to be afraid of a man in a wheelchair
A man who seemingly cannot walk still has the ability to terrify me
I am so angry
That I am limited
Not only by the things that I wear and the places in which I can go alone
But I am limited in my ability to make the world a better place
I am limited
And I am angry

sorry you ****, babe -
probably because you're a lying,
thieving,
attention-seeking *****.
probably because you're an inconsiderate,
inconsistent,
ingenuine little *******.
sorry you had it all coming to you -
sorry everyone's forgotten about you -
sorry you're a miserable excuse for a human being.
sorry you slice up your arms and parade them around
and still no one cares.
sorry you'll stop at nothing for an inch of spotlight,
and still no one gives it to you.
sorry we all know about you now,
sorry you can't handle it,
sorry you had to run away like the
***** you are
because you burned all your friends along with your bridges.
sorry we caught on,
sorry we're not taking it,
sorry you're alone (so all alone).
sorry you can't handle all the
minor inconveniences in your life
with the grace everyone else does,
and sorry you lack the integrity to try.
sorry you have to pretend to be ****** up
(honestly, what in your life
is causing you pain?
is it the parents that love you,
or the friends you could still have?)
sorry you ****, babe -
and i'm sorry i don't give a ****.

My boyfriend asked me what did I want to eat

It is not funny and I’m not trying to make a relatable meme

For me, deciding whether I’d like ice cream or cake is a task I sort of fear

Anxiety is not nice to you when you need to decide where to go to get dinner.

You see, I need to evaluate certain specific particular things

Such as the distance to the place in kilometres or feet
I might feel like drinking tea but isn’t the weather too hot? I don’t know you tell me,
I prefer if you chose, but wait should I keep it low on calories?
The price is okay for you? I don’t know how much that burger exactly costs.
Maybe we should go somewhere we know, or should we try something new?

Wether is showering in the morning or at night,
Wether is choosing what words to use in WhatsApp,
Wether is having breakfast or skipping to lunch,
Wether is drinking on a week day or spending the night,

Anxiety is not nice to you when you need to decide how to live the small things in your day to day life.

Dear Heart,

I know that you are tired, because I am tired too.
I know that you are fragile and hurting,
-I can feel the hopelessness in your fading beats.
I tried my utmost best to take care of you in the little ways that I knew how
But still, you are slowly bleeding out

-I failed… I failed you.

One day in the future I will get the courage to ask you for that undeserved forgiveness,
The forgiveness that I cannot seem to even give to my body,
And I hope that on the day, I will be able to beg you for that same pardon with the humblest of hands.
I pray that when you see the scars on my swollen knuckles, you will not despise me,
Instead you will look at me with pity filled eyes
And tell me that my sickness, this awful sickness, was never my fault.
I know that you are scared, because I am scared too.
But mostly I am scared for you,
For I am not getting better am I?

Dear Heart,

I am so sorry for letting you down,
For treating you in the most indecent of manners,
For all the permanent bruises that I have given  you
…And for the damage, and what unspeakable damage I have done unto you…
 I am monster.
I know…I know that you are exhausted,
But I don’t know how to ask for the help that you need.
I have forgotten how to speak truthfully and honestly about how much it hurts
How do I tell them what I have done to you?
You deserve better.
But I am not the better that you deserve
I am the ****** luck that you got stick with
And for that I sincerely apologize.
You deserved much better.

Dear Heart,

I cannot promise to help you
Because deep inside of me I know that I don’t have the strength to.
I cannot save you,
And for that I am sorry.
The truth is that I have forgotten how to be free.
I don’t know how to any more.
I somehow un-learnt how to keep in what I take in
But no matter how many times I purge my sins and ask myself for redemption,
The little morcels of guilt always seem to remain in the very centre of my gut.

Dear Heart, 

This punishment was never aimed at you,
But you deteriorated and withered from it none the less…
You should have been treated with more respect
With love and care…
Please grant me your resolve
And give me the serenity to accept all my imperfections
Please tell me that you forgive me.
We are a broken pair, both you and I
-You we were never meant to suffer
But you did
And you are still.
Never forget that you are precious to me,
It was never my intention to hurt you in the torturous ways that I did…
Your pain was an unfortunate side-effect of my selfish inability to be free
And for that I apologize,
I apologize for the unbearable inconveniences that you have been forced to face
Please find it within you to forgive the mess of host that I have become…

                                                                                                                Yours sincerely,   

By: Lulwama Kuto Mulalu

Inconveniences.
They plague you.
Your skin isn't thick-
one scratch and there's blood.
The sun beats down on you
and you cower towards the shade.
I envy you.
I pity you.
Put your hands up and fight.
These blisters don't hurt me.
I've walked on eggshells,
I've swam through deep waters.
I'm sure I can find my way home
from here.

-I'm sorry we can't relate

Dark, grey clouds in the sky,
unending rain cascades.
Some chilly air blows by
as it swirls savagely.
Water drips everywhere,
icy cold and sticky wet.
Some inconveniences,
bad weathers of our lives.
How we wish for the sun.
How we hope for such warmth.
Then again, after the rain…
A rainbow may be seen.
And, there is always tomorrow
for the sun may chose to show.
But, then again, if not…
Just don’t forget our umbrella,
for us to make it through the rain.

Center pressure on the tip
Of the glassed pleasure,
Release a million particles,
Watch them rest on the air.
Thousands of master dancers twirling, spinning,
Sashaying their paths to refuge.
Inhale, exhale.
The atoms entice, capture.
Pleasuring senses with alluring influences.

Just like a ballerina, trapezed,
Carefully and gracefully
Leaning her swan-like neck
Away from her poor partner,
Afflicted by the contrast of halitosis.
Another focus of pressure:
The last of inconveniences amended.

Think about those around you
Think about what God was thinking about when he made this world

Did he intend on creating a utopia,
or did he know that his creation would spend their entire lives dealing with all of this

I wonder if he took a second glance when that woman lost her husband of 54 years to the same cancer that took her daughter away,

That man who overdosed yesterday had a grandma that made him cookies and milk when he was a young child,
That same grandma also took him to church last Sunday morning,
And when the pastor ended that service, the man walked up to the pastor with tears in his eyes and asked if there would still be room in his heart for Jesus, even if he didn't have his life completely together yet

When we were young, we dealt with everything in such a nonchalant way
We looked at our mothers and fathers without judgement,
We didn't even question what made our fathers yell at our mothers,
We just went with it

When we grew up, everything became reality
We began to see our problems as what they actually are
We no longer see them as mild inconveniences, because they're more than that now,
The problems make themselves known
We have no choice but to feel it, even when we don't want to

It isn't now that we give up, it isn't ever
**** this, we are better than this
We will live on, and on, and on, and never let up
We will give it hell and we will show them just what we are made of

It isn't the mild inconveniences that define us,
We are more than that

It is the 5:30am cold nights drenched in hard liquor and broken hearts,
It is the song that comes blaring on the radio while driving 75 in a 55,
It is the second pack of cigarettes that are blown out of your window as you drip paint onto the new canvases you just spent your entire paycheck on,

It is real life,
It is the air you breath,
And it is the way you walk

This is not me, this is not my life, these are not me, these are not my life

We fell into bed on an instance
No need for introductions
We left all of those behind
In the bar of inconveniences

As we fumbled in the words
"My place or yours ."
She reached into a pocket
Lined in purple satin promises
And handed me her keys

I hope your wifi signal is always just ****** enough that your YouTube videos buffer forever.

May your favorite sports team make it to the championship game every year and lose. Every. ****. Time.

I hope every grade you get for every class be an 89, a 79, or a 69 so it stings you every time to know you were almost good enough.

May you always get stuck in rush hour traffic.

May your favorite Thai dish always be a little too spicy for you to eat.

I hope your favorite sunglasses go missing and you never find them again.

I wish nothing but mild inconveniences for you for the rest of your life. I want you to hurt for hurting me, but I still love you too much to wish you any real harm.

Are you ever near the midpoint of a dark, bleak day?
When nothing at all seems to welcome your stay?
When inconveniences overwhelm and obliterate
So you can’t lie and contemplate without
Another hindrance to dim the clouds

But at that fixed point in conditional fatalism
I know that though I was bound to live through distress in its drift
I am being called to call my power and foray
Against the angst, the dark, the grief
Here I bring the day to its end

A new day dawns! In the late of the day,
In my quaking, in my gloom
In everything thing I’ve brawl against to counter monotony and grow
In depression lost, passed, and away
At this time I dawn a fine new day.

We were twenty minutes outside
Asheville when we slipped, carelessly
From the edge of the earth
Into an oil painting.

We were, still are really, perpetually
Twenty minutes away when the traffic
would clog, and Michael would blow
Into a tissue; trying to clear both.

Every curve would birth another stretch
Of road, another ridge of mountains, their
Sight not unlike the unlikely vantage of seeing
your shoulders for the first time in film.

Then we’d break again, sure that this was
Some sort of ******* afterlife, full of minor
Inconveniences and signs warning that
‘Bridge ices before road,’
Mocking us in our perpetual summer.

"left me in the dust"--I've become dust literally
and my legs now melt like lipstick left too long in the open sun.
pungent words, medication--morph into heat waves, brilliant intensity.
red-violet, gamma magnified--I swallow them whole like you swallowed me.
my spirit will crawl inside you through the holes in your soiled skin
and I'll make you breathe me in
like winter smoke, a gray cloud
of inconveniences and memories better forgotten,
to remind you of the burdens of love and life
the turmoils of entanglement, the sacrifice of my energy
wasted on the feeble candle of your inner light
and the insignificance of adolescent love.

Now I walk almost with ease through these nightly rituals
Disconnecting as much as I can from this frenzically speeding mind
Always the same.
Monotonously I wade through the murky waters of this devilish playground
Just enough energy to swim to the top now and again to gasp for air
Their seas of haunting chants is suffocating
Always deceitfully encouraging me into states of panic and despair
Always the same.

I have danced this dance many times before
Yet their persistancy makes it feel infinitely longer
My body aches from their puppet strings, holding me up before slumber
And my thoughts are disheveled from their constant trespassing.
But look here in my mind, that despite inconveniences still prospers, unstoppable.
Their manipulation, you see, although practiced in the mind, only hinders my brain and body
And is shrugged off every day as I wake from sleep,
No, no, it is not the same.

I can feel their gazes
the strange look on their faces
their eyes black and still
and when I look at myself
mine just trace the cracks
I can feel their gazes

the sun heats the ground
my forehead sweats, it aches
I stumble on nothing, I fumble smiles
the sun heats the ground
and I fumble smiles,
and I stumble on
nothing

behind me, behind me
goosebumps, on my neck
under my blue fleece jacket, and scarf,
hands in, and out, of pockets
such inconveniences when I need to hold them
behind me, behind me

the air sings?, flattening each note?
the atmosphere, gets,,, caught,
in my, grasp, in my,,, lungs,
behind me?, behind, me?,
I can feel?, their gazes,
?smiles?, I fumble, on,
?and I stumble on,
nothing

To Daphni
Αφιερωμένο στη Δάφνη

I  clearly remember now
It was the darkest night
I was half past lonely
And I hoped you’d see the light.
I’m sitting on the old greyhound bus,
I look to the girl opposite, she returns my smile.
It’s a dog’s life this travelling
But it will only be for a while.
I doze and try to tell myself that I don’t care.
My eyes roll over dead
I lean back against the frosty window
So far away from my nice warm bed.
Like a hurricane we whistle on
Through the streets beneath the night’s sky.
And I remember that evening
When I saw your eyes turn to fire
You knew just who I was
One night of pleasure, I have to defend
Within my alcohol imbued mind
I have to accept there’s not a rainbow at the end.
Not at the Greyhound Interchange
Always looking to the future in my life
When we going to stop? Where next?
When in fact all my life’s a ride
And actually you can’t get off
I wish life was like a Greyhound and I could
I realise these are all little inconveniences in life
And it’s got to be the going, not the getting there, that’s good.

If you raise a knuckle to your eye
And draw away one salty circle,
Perfectly symmetrical,
Then why have a tear at all?

If crying inconveniences you
No more than a sniffly nose,
No make-up smears,
Then your tears did not water the world.

If you can sob an ocean into your pillow
But pull away when thinking of the mess you made
Instead of just crying harder,
Then I hope for you to be forever cursed

By that one person who holds a mirror
In front of your unrecognizable face.

Let us Rebel… It’s for a Good Cause
I Promise

Let’s cause some Minor inconveniences, but nothing too Crazy; I’m Terrified of prison.
Let’s start a Fight because being a Pacifist is Boring.
We'll take great leaps forward because skipping backwards is harder than it looks.

And when our Knuckles are Bloodied, our speech Slurred and our jeans are Ripped.

When the world is spinning

we’ll ride off into the Sunrise
Because the Sunset is too Cliché.

More time spent on you
precious time with my best friend
$PENT on YOU
You horribly perfect being
What am I saying?
I love you more than I ever thought someone could love another human being
I want to stargaze with you and eat donuts late at night
I want to be in your bed and cuddle for days
BECAUSE WE CAN
You've controlled me for so long now
Does your power over me make you love me less?
Has my unconditional affection somehow deterred you?

Please
Tell me what I can do

People tell me that together we're ridiculous and that it's sick
But we both know sick
and this isn't sick

This is right

__________________­_________

I dont know how to put my love for you any other way besides this poem
because right now you're probably ******* to pictures of her as I sit here wondering if I'll ever touch you again

Please see me
recognize me
love me








LOVE ME

I know that its hard for you because you've been through so much
but right now you seem to be the solution to all of my problems
and the remedy to my distress
dont love me less than you love her because I AM HERE for you
and I am RIGHT

LOVE ME

Love me half as much as I love you

I see the suffering in your eyes
the happiness in your smile

Im confused beyond confusion and the only thing blurring my thoughts is you

Send me a message
-verbal
-physical

ANYTHING

any form of "I want to be with you" will do
because I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
despite the inconveniences and unpleasantries you may cause me

Love me

I am filling my days with tick boxes
and to-do lists
Entertaining myself with others' inconveniences.
To save my heart from further
crack and freeze,
I play games and reward myself
with my own prizes.

I am burying every lingering question,
like you kept yours
locked inside the closet.
Like disposing our shared laughters
of their echoes and sounds,
I cover my own mouth as I cry
so no other soul hears it.

I am reducing my feelings to logic
Even my poetry and art have
become awfully calculated.
Compartmentalizing my daily plans
into sorry yet efficient lists,
I survive the nights by believing
losing me makes you elated.

I am weighing in the pros and cons,
like dancing with my own body
on a brittle balancing act.
Whispering lullabies
to my own weary heart and soul,
I find comfort in knowing
it will never come back.

Anthracite
might burn well
but most will never know,
the fires in grates have all burnt low.
We're farming wind and waves,harnessing the nuclear reaction,sadly I find not one ounce of satisfaction in this,
I miss the welcoming glow of red hot flames and the toasting of marshmallows and everybody knows you can toast them on turbines.
I whinge and whine but I'll be fine as soon as I step into line with modern inconveniences.

I am informed by those who know,that the fish with two heads and the greenish glow has nothing to do with you know what and all we're really lacking is a ******* good dose of cracking fracking.

Transporting consciousness,
Vehicle of the divine,
Releasing attachments,
Yours and mine.

Viewing synchronicity,
Vehicle of time,
Being the peace or else ... ,
Using universal mind.

To understand beyond,
Mere appearances.
One has no needs,
Only inconveniences.