Reading the radical news
behind the desk
at the store,
a coupla women
all sensible shoes
went for the comix
& started to rip up
all the Crumb stuff,
if I recall correctly,
with their thing ...
Later on in life
reading a Crumb comic,
might have been
where 2 Red Guards
want to have
but it's not in line
with Mao's thought
& the party
but they do it
can't help it.
& then I
at least got
my face in theirs
or at best
the store ...
Red Rising sun,
it was called
You don’t know what it’s like to dig and dig and dig in the dirt with bare hands
digging toward fecundity
I am trying to find the honest words
Buried under our mother’s bones
But all I have now is the dirt under my nails, and
because I am a woman
I set my bucket of soap and water down hard
I scrub the blood out of the wood
My knees tear open from supporting my own weight and soak the floor
Every clean movement forward is erased by the brushstrokes of my own body
Don’t tell me you know something about housekeeping
My body is an apology I can’t scrub clean
It started on March 8th.
You asked me why I didn't mention
That I was raised by a strong woman.
And I bit my tongue so hard I worried I might bleed.
I realised for the umpteenth time that my first female role model
Came into my life when I was in high school.
In the form of an all girl punk band.
I'd never seen anything so inspiring.
I picked up a guitar for the first time that year.
I felt like I finally knew who I was.
I'd never had anyone to show me the ropes.
How could I?
With a mother so dependant on a father
who doesn't understand a damn thing.
Strong women hold themselves
You showed me how to tear my sisters down.
You tore me down.
It wasn't until high school that I felt supported.
I made a friend who would become family.
She's one of the strongest women I know.
She lifted me up.
I became the woman I always needed.
No thanks to you.
Or maybe thanks to you
Since I didn't get what I needed
And now I'll never let the women in my life suffer the same way.
I stand before you now with a girl gang who never fail to catch me when I fall.
And I do the same for them.
This is my Pack.
We've built this family out of dreamers and doers
And I finally feel like I'm gaining ground.
Working towards the life I won't let get away.
So when I look at you with that mouth full of blood
From years of biting my tongue
it doesn't hurt so bad.
The tang of it tastes like strength.
Like dreams coming true.
I am the soiled dove
Often used never loved
beginning from a tender age
I'd nothing else by which to gage
the aim and purpose of all the flatter
Love I thought was the heart of the matter
convinced myself heaven above
forgave this emotional love
let him control my life
thought I would be his wife
At a hundred parties, we'd attend
He loaned me out to all his friends
He told me this was proof that I loved him
Finally, I realized this life so grim
I used my body to gain love
it came like a bolt from above
I was just an object
treated with gross disrespect
fuck'm and the horse he rode in on
I'm taking back my pudendum
self-respect and declaring me myself
putting your love and bull shit on a shelf
I'll kill you if you ever touch me again
No, I'm not queer,
I just sometimes crush on girls.
No, I'm not a Feminist,
I just think that women deserve more rights than they do now.
No, I'm not depressed,
The blues just never seem to end, lately.
No, I'm not suicidal,
I just wish that the passing car had hit me.
No, I'm not in love with him,
I'm tough as nails: a fighter not a lover.
No, I'm not anxious,
Sometimes my nerves feel more jittery than usual.
No, I'm not anorexic,
I'm just on a diet that never seems to end.
Little hands, fingernails, unblinking eyes,
No songs of sleep and peace.
A muffled voice, a deepened frown,
They watched your heartbeat as it drowned.
Two birds one stone
Two lives gone
"A Catholic country," she claimed.
But what's that worth
When thousands flee
And never return the same?
Eight hundred buried without care,
Four thousand more rotting away,
No homes to go to,
Not a Christian prayer,
For the unborn, they are saved.
I blame men
that tell I'm dirty
that my desires are shameful
and think their touch has the power to defile me
they tell me my wants taint my being
damage my estimated price as a woman
reduce me to a wrongly preconcieved notion of femininity
I was first called a slut by my mother
who was a called a slut by hers in turn
who was called a slut by hers
I still blame men