and I would call you my Heathcliff,
but I am no Catherine.

You were a complex character
before I made my impact,
I cannot claim to have caused your
wounds, nor to have healed your heart,
But for the time we had,
I hope I brought you some small,
( however small)
amount of joy, or at least
rest,
from the wicked souls who tormented you
That now reside in a shadow behind your smile.

And yes, in a way I suppose I have the qualities of Catherine,
I too broke my own heart,
but at least you could recognise
that you too, played your part.

let me float
with the swells of your mood
and the smells of your tiny apartment
breath you in
out
as we sit cross legged on your
sagging sofa
summers afternoon is drawing in
to a confine
and I am claustrophobic.

Stuck in a secret safe haven
That shakes with anticipation
aches with adoration
resonates your thunder.

I don't think its pure
or ******* romantic
to reassure somebody
that you cannot live without
them

I wish romance was as dead
as the flowers you left on my
kitchen table
for I have finished with frolic
and ****** with fame
and never come out on top.

just how fast one flies away
when they are threatened with
a tether

and so
after five hours you reply
in real life time does not exist
and I remember alice said
It would be nice if something would
make sense for a change
but maybe I held you too tightly
because things were happening so fast
maybe I let you ruin me
take everything I was
and leave me hugging my pillow
in place of you
this love is not a victory, its a battleground
of fighting for each other.

Pink purple blue and
i
have nothing to say but
love
It's become reckless and
you
Don't understand the fear
but
the fear isn't the only thing
i
hate, I can't stand the feeling
don't
Mention your opinion
know
Your facts, the what's and
how
You sleep at night only
to
Wake up again
tell
Me again why
you
kicked me out of your life.

the night of your disappearance
i cried a flood
and tried to drown myself in it.

for the next four weeks i mourned
the loss of you
greasy hair and no showers

just wandered around my house
no appetite
just sadness eating me alive

on the 31st day i worked up the energy
to stand for a half hour
to burn you off my skin

and to wash you out of my hair
i swept the dusty floors
and changed my cotton sheets.

washed my face, scrubbed my lips
of their outer skin.
how does it feel knowing now you've never touched them?

back and forth the
pendulum swings like those
playground kids
at midnight

me and him
dark moons and orangey
streetlights
his shirt

my frozen frame
he pushes me
and i swing
back and forth

like his drug habits
back and forth and i am thrown
into time
headfirst then backwards

and i see him, all of him
his childhood, his happiness
his trauma
all coming together to create

one chaotically beautiful human being

and as i swing i mention
my childhood, my happiness
my trauma
and he calls it fascinating

calls me a beautiful tragedy
and back and forth we swing.

i cried again today,
because  despite it all,
it's still you.

all i ever wanted

was for your face

to light up when you saw me.

like my heart when i hear your name.

instead, i sit at home and

cry about how you do not love me

i say its a shame

but the real shame is

that i am not surprised

for if even i cannot love myself,

why would you love me?

i tattooed a heart
on my wrist
to remind me of you
and how you stole
my love from off my sleeve
so i never let it happen again.